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Blogs by Linda Lange
NONE OF MY BUSINESS 9/24/2013 2:05:50 PM
Thinking about a missed opportunity ... I might not know him if I saw him on the street. He’s still tall and smiling, but he’s past seventy now. He looks okay for his age, but he doesn’t make my heart leap the way it did when we were young.
I’m looking at a photo of the retired Green Bay Packers player that I wrote about in my memoir, "Incomplete Passes." The one I called Mr. Anonymous—partly because I didn’t want to bring him unwanted notoriety, and partly because I still feel a little funny saying his name out loud. I had a massive crush on him the summer I was almost seventeen. He was nice to me, never treated me like a child, until one day I crossed a line and he ordered me out of his life.
I grew up and got married and didn’t think much about Mr. A until I was nearing forty and had a major midlife crisis. Then I became obsessed with those days when the Packers were the center of my world. I vented by writing a musical comedy about my frustrations.
ELLEN: I can’t believe this. Every time I look in a mirror, I do a double-take … “Mom, what are you doing here?” And that’s not even the worst. It just hit me, a few weeks ago. I’m older than almost every player in the National Football League.
JUDY (PUZZLED): Yeah?
ELLEN: And … I’ve …. never … slept … with one of them!
JUDY: Umm … I’m not following this.
ELLEN: Don’t you see? I’m so old, now I’ll never get to.
JUDY: That’s your big problem? What is this … mid-life crisis or second childhood?
My show never got produced, but some excerpts eventually were included in "Incomplete Passes." In an early scene, my alter ego Ellen sings to her former hero:
Do old football injuries still cause you pain?
Are you into jogging? Do you use cocaine?
What’s happened since we parted long ago?
It’s none of my business, but I’d like to know.
On September 15 the Packers organization held a reunion for the members of Vince Lombardi’s 1965-66-67 championship teams. Mr. A was there. I wasn’t. I didn’t learn about the reunion until I’d made other plans; there was no way I could get to Green Bay.
I told myself things could be worse. I could go to Green Bay and never catch up with him. I could go to Green Bay and he’d refuse to talk to me. I could go to Green Bay and (horror) find out he didn’t remember me at all.
Do you drive a Chevy or a Rolls Corniche?
Do you snack on sushi? Do you care for quiche?
What’s happened since we parted long ago?
It’s none of my business, but I’d like to know.
I’m not looking for a relationship. I’ve had a good life with a man who’s far more suited to me than Mr. A would have been. I’d just like … you know, a little closure. I’d like to know if he’s doing okay too. I’d like to tell him I wrote about us, and show him my book, and maybe we’d have a few laughs.
Do you favor caution, or enjoy a dare?
Do you think it’s funny that I still might care?
What’s happened since we parted long ago?
It’s none of my business …
But I’d sure like to know. Unfortunately, life tends to throw you … incomplete passes.
