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A Sneak Peek: A Sisters Justice Chapter One 2/23/2009 11:32:06 PM
Sisters Justice Due out Late April or Early May of 2009
Chapter One
I was shot looking for the man who had hurt Anna, shot and
paralyzed me. I refused to stop, my search continued as soon as I got
out of the hospital. The doctors and even some of my family,
believed I was in denial, but how could I deny the fact that I could
feel nothing below my waist.
I refused to let that bullet stop me though even though I was
paralyzed from the waist down. I had a calling, a calling that I felt was
placed upon me the moment my Sophia, Anna and I were raped.
Anna had talked about her rape, for some reason Sophia and I had
not been able to. I need to get people who are hurting children off
the streets. I do not want to see another child hurt, I need to do all
I can to stop children from being hurt.
We were raped by a family friend, someone we once called Uncle.
Someone we had believed loved us. He stole our innocence. Inside
this man was sickness and evil.
I feel as if it is my mission to help get some of these men and in
some cases women off the street. I couldn't to let this chair become
my prison. This prison that stops me from doing what I need to do,
I refuse to sit in the house feeling sorry for myself. What good does
that do anybody anyway?
The only one who really understands that I am not crazy, or in
denial, is Sophia. We both want to help Anna find the Lord once
more.
I am far from crazy,. I am determined, Maybe I was born with
this stubborn will. It keeps me fighting and I thank God for it.
In the moments that I begin to let this paralysis get to me, Sophia
is there to help me overcome it. She helps me see that despite the
fact that I can no longer walk. I can still live my life to it's fullest. I
can still be independent. I have also learned from this when to ask
for help. I can not do everything myself. Still I can do a lot and I will
do everything I am able.
Sophia doesn't try to smother me the way Mamma and Daddy
do. I know Mom and Dad do it out of love. They were so afraid I was
going to die, when they got the call from the hospital saying I had
been shot. The Lord had other plans for me Though. He wanted me
to live.
The Lord spoke to me as clearly as I speak to Sophia. He told me
that he had plans for me, and that I would live to fulfill those plans.
The children need me, and need to be able to play outside
without fear of murder or rape.
No child or adult should have to go through what Anna did, no
adult either. It is wrong to invade a body in a forceful way. Love is
a beautiful thing, but it is not something to be forced upon a person,
not the physical act of love anyway.
If Anna hadn't been raped, she wouldn't be walking the streets
and running from God as she is. She wouldn't be searching for
artificial love. She would know the real thing. As a child she knew
God, and knew what love really was. The man who was was like an
Uncle had hurt my sisters and I, and stole Anna's innocence.
She's been running since she was eleven. She is trying to runaway
from what happened to her. She can never really run, and that I
think is beginning to sink into her.
Sophia and I are praying for Anna. We are always trying to keep
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11
evil off the street. She needs the Lord. I wish she would stop denying
that.
Sophia agrees with me that we should help our baby sister in
anyway we can. It's hard because Anna is so far from us we don't
know where to begin.
I want so much to get Anna back. I need to see the sister I knew
as a little girl. Her childhood was stripped away from her Anna
should never have to suffer. Her pain has led her to aimless look for
love in places she can never find it.
Anna deserves justice if there is a such thing in this case. She has
to know that she is safe. It's important to feel that no one will hurt
her the way they had when she was a little girl. However she still
carries those fears from childhood.
"It's not fair that Anna had to get hurt, and then us. Why do we
have to experience so much pain? How much does the Lord think
we can handle?"
"Sophia you know the Lord never gives us more than we can
handle."
"How do you explain Anna?"
"It's not the Lord that did that to Anna, you know that Sophia."
* * *
Daddy was ready to kill the man when he found out what
happened. He knew that would only get him in trouble and we all
begged him not to. Everyone thought we should go to the police
Things were different back then, children were less trusted.
After Hearing the way my sister was treated like she was a liar,
was like she had been raped all over again. Who dare call my sister
a liar? Especially about something so serious. We all knew Anna well
enough to know she was not capable of coming up with lies like that.
Not all the cops were bad, but the officer we dealt with acted as
if all Children were liars. He certainly did not deserve to where the
MICHELLE KIDWELL
12
badge, he was calling my sister a liar after all that she went through.
Daddy was fit to be tied, so were the rest of us. That is another
reason I am determined to listen to Children. Children need to be
listened to.
Maybe if Anna had been listened to by the officer, she would feel
more confident in herself, maybe she wouldn't feel as if it was her
fault.
I wake up every morning remembering two things, what
happened to Anna and what happened to me. What happened to
Anna overpowers what happened to me. I can deal with the pain,
Anna can't. It is only knowing that and by the Grace of God that I
continue to fight.
I will not end this fight until the Lord tells me it is time to. I truly
believe this is a calling from God.
It is not about an eye for an eye. It's about giving back childhood
to the children. I don't want to see anyone else have that stripped
away from them.
Anna walks along so lost and so sad. What can I do to help my
sister? I have to do something, I pray of course, but I also fight for
the children. That is for Anna.
Maybe if Anna hadn't been raped, she wouldn't be walking the
streets, selling her body. Maybe she would feel better about herself,
maybe she would be in church with us, instead of selling her body,
to men who could care less whether she lived or died.
I guess I could wonder a thousand times, but that doesn't change
the fact that Anna was hurt, hurt in the worst way.
I just can't help but feel guilty over what happened to her. I still
ask myself What If?
I guess in a way working to help the children, allows me to put the
fact that I have been shot and paralyzed in the back of my mind for
a short time.
Deep down I know she knows that but Anna needs some
reminding, so that is what Sophia and I are doing, we are reminding
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13
her how much Christ loves her. It's an important reminder that is
crucial. We need to do all we can for Anna. I am afraid that all we can
is not enough though.
I guess what they say is true we can't help someone who doesn't
want to be helped.
"We love you Anna, I hope you know that."
"I don't think I deserve to be loved."
"Anna you deserve to be loved, we are your sisters and there is no
condition on our love, we do not love you only when things are
right?"
"Why is it you are trying to comfort me? You were the one who
was shot, and you are still trying to fix me. Shouldn't it be the other
way around?"
"I don't think we need to focus on should or shouldn't in this
case. I will just do what I feel like I need to do, what I am called to
do.'
"Don't you give yourself a break?"
"Anna you should know me well enough by now to answer that."
"I am going to keep praying and fighting for you, and someday
I believe you will come back to God."
"God doesn't want me back? I am too dirty."
"Anna you know as well as I do, what happened to you before
was not your fault, and what's happened since can be forgiven."
The talks end sooner than I want them too. At least now she is
letting me talk though. For the longest time it was like Anna ignored
the existence of Sophia and I. Now at least she lets me talk and
listens to me.
I think one thing that this shooting did, is that it drew us closer
as a family. My sister is slowly coming back to me, and maybe
someday soon I will be able to lead her to the Lord. The thought is
comforting.
I talk to Anna in anyway I can, and I try to help her, but there are
some things I can not do. I can not take the pain my sisters feels
MICHELLE KIDWELL
14
away, nor can I take the fact that she was raped away. I wish I could,
but I can not, believe me if I could do anything to change those facts
I would, but I can't so I do all I can to try and stop others from
hurting children.
Before I was shot I worked in a special victims unit in the
department, we still do mainly with rapist, molesters and their
victims. I guess whoever shot me thought that this wheelchair was
going to stop me from fighting such disgusting, and stupid crimes,
they obviously do not know me well. If I can fight on my feet I will
fight sitting down.
Even Anna has begged me to stop doing what I am doing, but
she knows I can not. I guess it's an obsession with me, finding the
bad guys and stopping them. This is real though, not some glorified
cop movie. What I am doing is real, and the pain I see in the faces of
the victims are real
"Marishka I wish I knew what to do to help Anna, I wish we
could get through to her. After fifteen years you think we would be
able to get through to our sister better. I want to help her I really do,
but what can we do when she doesn't want that help?"
"Sophia I think she wants and knows she needs that help deep
down, but she's terrified so we have to show her that everything is
going to be okay that we are with her every step of the way."
"I know you are right, but it's hard. It's extremely hard, I feel so
helpless, I felt helpless when you got shot, and I feel helpless trying
to help Anna. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing anyone any good."
"Sophia it is because of you that I fought you were the one who
encouraged me, who made me want to fight. Who believed I would
get back to my life despite the Wheelchair. The others thought I was
going to give up on my calling but you knew better Sophia and you
made me want to fight, fight strong and hard to get back what I
could get back."
I want Sophia to know how much she helped me, she has been
my strength, the one who came to the hospital everyday, and made
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15
sure I did my therapy. She wouldn't let me give up when I wanted to.
I really doubt I would be doing this if it weren't for Sophia, maybe
I would have given into everyone else's fears and given up on what
I love to do.
I need Sophia just as I need Anna. The Lord knows that I need
them and that is why I was blessed with them for sisters. I just wish
I could make Anna understand that for that matter I wish I could
make Sophia understand that too. Lately Sophia has been feeling
down on herself, and I need to take time to show Sophia that she is
cared about too, I have been so worried about Anna that Sophia has
kind of got neglected and I need her to know that she is needed. I do
not know what I would do without Sophia. I shutter to imagine.
I worry that Mom and Dad are going to start feeling that we have
forgotten about them too, but that's far from the truth. I love Mom
and Dad, and I appreciate what they have done for me, even though
they are always so worried. I guess that's part of being parents they
are forever worrying about you.
Yes I am in love, but I am also in love with life, despite what
others think. I know that my life didn't end when I landed in this
wheelchair, that only took my ability to walk away from me, not my
ability to live my life and do what I love doing. That is a small part
of what gets me going every morning and makes me determined to
"walk the beat"
I am in a wheelchair, but I refused to let that end my career as an
officer, and I refused to spend the rest of my working days behind
a desk, pushing paperwork is just not my thing, but it comes along
with the territory I guess. The paperwork has very little effect on me
though, I can stare at a thousand papers, it's the people's faces I see
everyday, the children, and it's Anna, it's always Anna who I think
about when I am working, when I am on my rounds. I know I
wouldn't be doing this without Anna, and I wish I didn't have to do
this. I love what I do, only wish it wasn't necessary. I only wish that
kids could remain safe, but right now that is not a reality so I have to
help in anyway I can. That's my calling, that is why I wear this badge.
MICHELLE KIDWELL
16
There are times I am scared, times I am terrified, I may seem
brave but I was scared out of my mind, when I felt the gun against
my back, I begged and pleaded and prayed. I was shot, I just thank
God I am alive. The doctors said it could have killed me, which
shows me that God is not done with me yet, shows me that I still
have some work to do here son this earth, and my sisters still need
me, not just Anna, Sophia too.
Lord get me through this day, and help me to help those who need me, help
me to help the children, the men and women, being assaulted in such a horrific
way, help me to be able to stop this violence.
I know my prayers do not fall on deaf ears, so I continue
praying, and asking God for his help, I ask him to go with me
whenever I go on duty. He was with me the night I got shot, he
helped me to fight, he helped me to live, and he is with me even
now as I write these words. The Lord is with me in everything I do,
that is important of the utmost importance to me, I need to know
that I have the Lord on my side need to know he is going to help
me fight these battles. I could not be doing this without the help of
the Lord, so yes a lot of what it takes to be a cop especially a cop
in a wheelchair, that is not exactly a common sight, a cop in a
wheelchair, but as I said earlier I refused to be put behind a desk,
that's just not me.
I am blessed truly blessed, and I have a drive, a determination to
succeed in what I do, but more important than success is helping
those who need to be help. So I guess you could say I am a fighter.
I believe in fighting for those who can't fight for themselves first.
The children, those who are sick and injured, funny I don't see
myself is either sick or injured, and I certainly wouldn't describe
myself as handicapped, that's just not a term I like. Maybe I live my
life differently now that I can't walk, the only real difference is the
fact that I can not walk, I am still doing the same job, working
towards the same goals.
I have nightmares about the children, nightmares that leave me
terrified yet I go on because I have to.
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17
I know sometimes Anna is afraid to ask for help, afraid to admit
that what happened to her as a little girl scarred her for life, but I
have known her all my life, and I know that she is upset, that she is
still fighting this battle. Why would she be running from God, and
family, and into the arms of sin if she wasn't?
After weeks in the hospital and months at home recuperating
and to much time pushing paper I went back on the street to fight
crime. At first most people didn't think that a person in a wheelchair
could be a good cop, but I think I have started to show them just
how wrong they were. I think now they are beginning to understand
that you just don't mess with this cop, and that a bullet will not even
put me down.
I know if Mom and Dad had it there way I would have given up
the badge, but I refused, and despite their worries I think they
understand. Mom and Dad are just as hurt over what happened to
Anna, and I know for the longest time Dad couldn't sleep over what
happened to Anna, and he blamed himself, we all did. I think even
now he has a tendency to blame himself for things that he could not
help, and Mom is just as bad, she blames herself over every bad thing
that use to happen to us, and she still does. I know it broke their
heart when I was shot, it touched all of us in a deep way, but I think
in a way they took it worse than I did.
