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Blogs by Joel Arnold
My usual rider for family/friend appearances 11/23/2010 12:01:22 PM
'As an invited guest to your annual __________ party, here are a few courtesies from my host that I expect - nay, DEMAND! I shall be greeted with a firm handshake, one pump only. If you must look me in the eye, do it with the utmost discretion. Your dogs may sniff me once, twice, thrice, and then begone! Remember, I will only used the finest hand-polished silver, and your china must be of the thinnest bone. When I tap my spoon to my wine glass, it shall make a satisfying ring, only - I repeat ONLY - in the note of G major! Napkin holders must be of crystal and grip the linen napkin firmly, yet not suggestively. Place-card holders should be inscribed in blue ink from the quill of a bird of prey. The exact species of bird is up to you, but the more endangered, the more respect you shall earn. And last but not least,the use of the F-word shall be limited to only two times per sentence; any more than that would be considered rude.'
That's not asking too much is it? Although for some reason, I hardly get asked to parties any more. What the hell???
