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Blogs by Arthur E Daigle
Builder Goblins 4/22/2014 9:21:03 AM
So you’ve just learned that there are goblins in your neighborhood. What do you do?
Scream.
That’s a perfectly normal reaction, and you shouldn’t be ashamed. So go ahead and get it out of your system. But now you have to do something about this problem, and the first step is to identify what guild the goblins belong to. This will help you prepare for the coming wave of chaos and confusion, such as pie traps on your front step or secret tunnels dug into your living room.
Builder Goblins
Alongside warriors and diggers, builder goblins are one of the largest guilds. Recognizing them may be hard, as some of their tools can double as weapons or excavation tools. But once builders set to work there is no mistake what you have, for they can slap together small, poorly made structures in a matter of hours. Most goblin dwellings are made by builders, and on rare occasions maintained by them as well. Builders rarely stop working and will make new houses even when there is enough shelter for their community. The new buildings will be miles away from existing structures and may remain empty for months.
The average goblin house is made of stone, wood or packed dirt, and is both small and not very sturdy. There are always multiple exits to any goblin home so marauding enemies can’t trap the owners inside. These buildings violate nearly every safety code in existence and fall down quite often, and must be replaced at least once a year (which ensures steady work for builder goblins). Goblins often take over existing ruins, sheltering in structures abandoned by men, elves and dwarfs. In these cases builders will do the absolute minimum work to keep the ruins from completely falling down. Given these facts it is commonly believed that builder goblins can’t do good work. This is a serious mistake.
Goblins in general and builders in particular take a very fatalistic approach to possessions. Namely, if they have something nice then someone bigger and stronger than they are is going to show up and take it from them. This is not paranoia on their part. History is filled with stories of desperate men driven from their own homes resettling in ruins occupied by goblins, with the goblins having at best hours to vacate before they are forced out. Armies often destroy goblin villages when the local population has grown tired of their antics, and sometimes for no reason other than to give their soldiers practice. There is no sense in builder goblins making high quality homes when they could lose them at any time. If a home is particularly nice this actually encourages enemies to seize it.
But builder goblins can do good work when they have a reason to. When war looms the builders make crude forts and stone lined trenches in a short time. These structures seldom last long, but they hold up well for the time they’re needed. Builders are also infamous for building sturdy stonewalls in inopportune places, like on narrow mountain roads and the entrance to bridges. These walls aren’t as good as those made by dwarfs or men, but the goblins compensate by making them especially thick. Enemy armies can’t go around them and may need hours or even days to breach them, giving the goblins much needed time to run or (less likely) prepare for the conflict.
Builders are also responsible for many goblin communities surviving invasions. The builders make so many needless structures for a very good reason. In case of an enemy attack the goblins will often flee immediately with what little they can carry. The empty homes are quickly destroyed, with the ‘victorious’ enemy believing that the goblins have been driven off. In fact the goblins have moved into the surplus housing and are ready to start making mischief again. If the goblins are truly run off their property they will head for the nearest goblin settlement, where they resettle in the vacant buildings without cluttering up the dens and living rooms of local goblins.
Another advantage builders have is their skill at camouflage. Goblins are weaker than their enemies, and a good way for them to avoid getting hurt is to make sure they’re not seen (a better way would be not to antagonize their neighbors, but that’s not going to happen). To this end, many builder goblins cunningly hide the homes they make. They often dig them into hillsides and conceal the doors. Another favorite is to build the house underneath a human home, with the goblin dwelling accessible by long tunnels. They will even hollow out large dead trees for small goblins to live in. Many times travelers think they are alone in the woods, never realizing that they are walking through a goblin community hundreds strong.
Builder goblins have one last skill, and this one that makes them far more dangerous than they appear. Builders aren’t as good in a fight as warrior goblins (and that’s saying something!), but they are potentially more destructive. Builder goblins have a fair knowledge of how buildings are put together, and they know where to hit to bring them down. On those rare occasions when goblins are mad enough to go on the warpath, warriors will shield the builders as they attack enemy cities and castles. If not stopped, they can do massive damage in a short time. While the goblins inevitably lose these battles, many people find that they need years to recover from their victories.
