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Blogs by Arthur E Daigle
Goblin Tricks 6/1/2014 8:52:37 AM
Goblins are insanely inventive when it comes to causing mischief. Pie traps, covered pits, booby-trapped toilets, they’ve done them all, and come up with new ones all the time. This makes dealing with goblins hard and evicting them from your neighborhood even harder. But some traps come up more often than others, and knowing how to deal with them can make the difference between grabbing an offending goblin and suffering the latest outrage from the snickering pest.
Pit traps and goblins are almost synonymous. Goblins dig these pits during the night, usually on roads or in front of outhouses. The pits are then covered with thin branches and a layer of thatch or sod to conceal them. The branches can support the weight of the thatch, but anything heavier goes right through. As an added insult, goblins like to leave nasty things in the pit for victims to land on, like skunks, spoiled milk, sewage, campaign literature or other noxious substances.
But goblins have come up with an improvement on the old design. They place a wide board across the pit, covering the rest with the typical branches and thatch. Both ends of the board are marked with something visible but not unusual, like a corncob. The goblin then pulls a prank that is sure to make the victim chase him. He leads his victim to the pit and runs across the board, making the way look safe. But chances are very good that the victim won’t run across the board, and placing even one foot on the thatch is enough to send the poor fool into the pit.
Goblins generally want nothing to do with money, as they aren’t welcome in stores to spend it and people would think nothing of beating them up to get the cash. But a few goblins have found ways to use money to their advantage. The first is as a lure. They place a few coins on the center of a pit trap, and anyone trying to get it will fall in. Goblins also weave small straw pouches, filling them with coins and straw padding to keep the money from jingling. If the goblin is in danger he will tear open the pouch to scatter the coins in his wake. He’s counting on you stopping to pick up the money instead of going after him. If other people are around they may try to get the money, getting in a pursuer’s way and letting the goblin escape.
Decoys are another goblin specialty. These are straw dummies dressed to look like goblins and placed in bushes where it is hard, but not impossible, to see them. Goblins fleeing enemies will run passed the decoys, and in the heat of the moment the decoys look like a goblin gang waiting in ambush. Victims generally attack the decoys or fall back until they realize that they’re not in danger. Either way the goblin gets away.
But some goblins make decoy men. These large mannequins are placed around corners or behind trees, and are dressed and armed like bandits, thieves, lawyers or soldiers from an enemy nation. Goblins head straight for the decoy when they are attacked. Victims running into these decoys typically attack the decoy or run away, letting the goblin escape. In extreme cases goblins will make a dozen or more such decoys and place them in a phony camp. Nearby people will flee if they are weak or attack the decoys if they are strong and confident. Either response gives the goblins an opportunity to do mischief while the locals are busy.
While goblins can eat almost anything, they have an interest in spices that has nothing to do with food. Whenever possible they get their hands on black pepper, anise seeds or other strong smelling spices that they grind up and store in jars. When faced with a knight or other armored foe, they blow the spice at his face. The cloud easily gets between the armor plates, and knights aren’t very dangerous when they’re too busy sneezing and coughing to fight. If the knight is mounted the horse gets a sniff too, which panics the animal and send it running away at full speed. The effects are temporary, but long enough for the goblins to escape or attack the helpless knights.
Another favorite trick involves beer. Goblins are immune to nearly all poisons, including alcohol, so they can’t get drunk. But they know that other races can. Goblins will steal barrels of beer or wine, and before a raid will leave them where their intended victims are sure to find them. They try to make it look as if the barrels fell off a wagon or were stolen and hidden in an abandoned house. The victims generally take the barrels home and get riotously drunk, and while they are incapacitated the goblins move in and cause mayhem. Oddly enough, many times the victims consider the damage worth the free booze.
