But Really, Let’s Find A Chuckle or Two ~~ 6/25/17 djl
“Look at what’s happening in the world today! It’s not funny.”
“Okay, you are right, not funny, but lots else is! Petty exaggeration and satire.
“Take the little peevish things that shouldn’t matter, but oh do they ever. Like those gigantic rolls of commercial bathroom tissue. The dual wheels of it in the huge black steel casings that don’t let you see what, if anything, is in there, so you have to fish around with your hand on backwards, up to the elbow seeking some texture resembling paper. If there is no tissue, you might have the substitute of a seat cover, otherwise…. Then, if your fingers are lucky to locate a touch of what feels like tissue in the Humvee dispenser, where you end up clawing, you would be lucky if it is a skimpy end roll remnant, because the whole bolt version is wound so tightly and unbudgedly that the tissue hauls out with enormous resistance, like marine rope spooled thick and heavy, winch-worthy, and the end result, after numerous breakage failures, is a white string and what can you possibly do with that except try spreading it out to at least a ribbon, a thin, fragile, white ribbon. Well, that would be funny if it wasn’t so frustrating and useless.”
“Or the tech support person who stays on the phone with you for 45 minutes, avoiding your question about their physical location and mention of the word ‘supervisor’ before admitting all supervisors are at lunch and they are sorry they can’t solve your problem, but how else may they offer you most excellent service and would you like to take the brief survey at the end of this call, asking how satisfied you were with your customer service today.”
“How about your dentist speaking in an alarmingly-calm voice, as though you are being murmured into a peaceful, float-tank state, saying, “You may a feel slight discomfort now,” then producing the goods held out of sight behind your holstered head and sunglassed eyes, and delivering the plunging injection of the numbing agent you really needed before the numbing agent, instead of the ‘pre-numb,’ a quick Q-Tip swab of Listerine-like substance, better than nothing but still. And the injection feels like a drinking straw-sized spear loaded with hydraulic fluid pumping fire into the puncture site of some of the most tender tissue your body owns. Why not just tell the truth: “This is absolutely going to hurt like hell, but jerking out of the chair will only send this puppy clean through to the other side, if you catch my drift.” Wink, wink.”
* * * * *
, 
