For the past several weeks I have been posted articles that discuss how to find the right “balance point” in terms of families helping their teenage sons and daughters reach their full academic potential. We have discussed issues that surround the balance between parent expectations about academic performance and the teenager’s actual abilities, and we have focused on finding the right balance between what teens are expected to do for school and any and all of the extracurricular activities in which they also want to participate.

This time, I would like to direct some needed attention to the balance of responsibility surrounding your teenager’s report card. And by balance of responsibility, I mean to emphasize that each grade on a teenager’s report card is a reflection of the efforts that are exerted by at least three people: your teenager, your teenager’s teacher, and you as their parent.

I’m sure you have no problem at all in agreeing that the report card is a reflection of your teenager’s efforts. And this is entirely consistent with everything that you have read in this column over the last month or so. After all, I’m the guy who said to his own teenagers that their most important job is to do as well as they can in school. And that means giving your best effort all of the time, nothing less.

You probably will also agree that your teenager’s teacher plays a role in the report card grade as well. Not only does the teacher assign the actual grade, but that teacher also is in charge of developing the class material and, in turn, creating the most conducive environment for learning that material. Neither you nor your teenager has much control over the selection of that teacher, nor do either of you have the power to change how that teacher runs the class. However, how well the teacher’s style of instruction matches your teenager’s strengths in learning is very much an issue that should be taken into account. This is especially the case if you believe that the demand for your teenager to do as well as he or she can in school does NOT translate into the expectation of all A’s on their report cards, but rather that they are trying their hardest when it comes to their school work. And in some cases, the mismatch between teaching style and your teenager’s learning capabilities may trump any amount of effort, at least in terms of achieving more optimal grades. They may be trying their hardest, but not in the way that the teacher is looking for in terms of performance.

Oh yes, and this is where you come in parents! How much do you know about each of the teachers your son or daughter has at school? And when are you learning about those teachers and their styles of instruction? Hopefully, it is at the beginning of the school year, the most objective time of the year to gather this type of information. If you are getting your information only after seeing a less than wonderful report card, you are at a bit of a disadvantage, especially if you are getting your information only from your teenager!

But all is not lost. Scheduling a time to meet with one or several teachers can occur at any time of the school year. And often as not, a face-to-face meeting will help to jumpstart a process that unites you and the teacher on some common ground that can help your teenager better meet the demands of any given class they are taking.

You may also have to examine how other areas of your teenager’s life also are negatively impacting their ability to do as well as they can in school. This includes extracurricular activities they may be involved in, as well as the ways in which they manage their free time. The point here is that you as the parent play a vital role in knowing about and shaping the environment surrounding your son or daughter.

This statement, and in fact this whole column, is grounded in Fact #1 about Strong Families; that is, Strong families work together. This means moving away from “shame and blame” tactics that can come about when a teenager brings home a less than stellar report card. Instead, this is a call for shared responsibility, one where the combined efforts of teenagers, teachers, and parents all become part of the framework for understanding how well your son or daughter is doing in school.