Hello,

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Volume 7, Number 8 November 21, 2007
Publisher: GoalMinds,Inc. E - mail: condrill@goalminds.com http://www.goalminds.com
Copyright 2007 Jo Condrill All rights reserved
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Welcome to those of you who have recently joined us and
welcome back to those of you who have been with us a while.

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Tomorrow we celebrate Thanksgiving Day in the US. We have so
much for which to be thankful. At GoalMinds, we think of our
friends, clients, and family, and say a hearty "Thank you."
Without you our company would not have survived ten years.
Without you our books would have gone unnoticed and our
seminars and speeches unscheduled. Thank you very much for
your support!

A special "THANK YOU" to all the servicemen and servicewomen
who answered the call and are not with their families to
celebrate this holiday.

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"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become.
Your vision is the promise of what you shall at last
unveil."

- John Ruskin

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IN THIS ISSUE

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1. Dealing with Your Difficult People, by Terry Paulson,
Ph.D.

2. Gratitude is an Attitude, by Gary Ryan Blair
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1. Dealing with Your Difficult People - Terry Paulson, Ph.D.
=======================

For leaders managing constant change, conflict is built into the very fabric of their
organizations. When conflict is not dealt with well, it can
create strained relationships and grow to sap the time,
energy, and productivity of even the best teams. Dealt with
positively, conflict can also be a catalyst that sets the
stage for needed changes. You will never deal with conflict
perfectly, but here are a few tips worth using in dealing
with your most difficult people:

1. Talk to people instead of about them. Dealing with
conflict directly may be uncomfortable and lead to some
disappointment, but it cuts down the mind reading and the
resentment that can occur when problems are not dealt with
directly. Timing, tact, and taking distance will always have
their place, but make sure you still keep conflict eyeball
to eyeball.

2. Be a problem solver not a problem evader. We are taught
from childhood to avoid conflict and often vacillate between
the pain of dealing with unresolved problems and the guilt
over not dealing with them. Such vacillation saps energy and
time; it can affect morale and turnover. Problem solvers
avoid avoidance; they learn to deal with conflict as soon as
it even begins to get in the way.

3. Develop a communication style that focuses on future
problem solving rather than getting stuck in proving a
conviction for past mistakes. You want change, not just an
admission of guilt. Winners of arguments never always win,
because consistent losers never forget. You want results,
not enemies seeking revenge. By focusing on future problem
solving, both can save face.

4. Problem solvers deal with issues, not personalities. It's
all too easy to abuse the other party instead of dealing
with issues. Be assertive but affirm the rights of others to
have different positions, values and priorities. When you
personalize disagreements and attack back, you invite
escalation. Keep the focus on mutual problem solving not
name - calling.

5. Honor, surface and use resistance. Attempts at
threatening, silencing or otherwise avoiding criticism of
change will only force resistance underground and increase
the sabotaging of even necessary changes. Explored
resistance helps build clarity of focus and action. Push for
specific suggestions. If criticism is extensive and
continues even after facing it, it may not be
resistance - know when to admit that you are wrong!

6. Redefine caring to include caring enough to confront on a
timely and consistent basis. Avoid labels that give you or
others excuses for not confronting a problem - They are too
sensitive or too nice, scene makers or people who have
contacts, too old or too young, or the wrong race or gender.
If you believe people cannot change or benefit from
feedback, you will tend not to confront them. Instead, treat
all equally by caring enough to be firm, fair, and
consistent.

7. Avoid forming "enemy" relationships. The subtle art of
influence is often lost in the heat of organizational
battle. When interaction becomes strained or bias exists,
the negative interaction coupled with the distance that
often results invites selective scanning and projection. We
see what we want to see to keep our enemies "the enemy." If
a relationship is limited to polite indifference and
significant negative interaction, expect polarization and an
"enemy" relationship. In such relationships everyone loses.
Take seriously the words of Confucius, "Before you embark on
a journey of revenge, dig two graves." Even your most
difficult people usually have some people they work well
with. Make one of those people you. Don't look for the
worst; learn to look for the best in even difficult people.

8. Invest time building positive bridges to your difficult
people. Abraham Lincoln reportedly said, "I don't like that
man. I must get to know him better." Don't be insincere;
look for ways to be sincere. It takes a history of positive
contact to build trust. Try building a four - to - one positive
to negative contact history. Give specific recognition and
ask for assistance in the areas you respect their opinions.
Work together on a common cause and search for areas of
common ground. By being a positive bridge builder, you build
a reputation all will see and come to respect even if a few
difficult people never respond.

Finally, don't forget to spend some time looking in a
mirror. Ron Zemke put it well when he said, "If you find
that everywhere you go you're always surrounded by jerks and
you're constantly being forced to strike back at them or
correct their behavior, guess what? You're a jerk."
Influencing others starts by making sure that you're not
being difficult yourself. Copyright 2006 by Terry Paulson,
International Professional Keynote Speaker All Rights
Reserved

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2. Gratitude is an Attitude - Gary Ryan Blair

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"Most people celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, but
those who cultivate gratitude celebrate and rejoice every day."

- - Gary Ryan Blair

Think for just a moment of all the things that require
practice: grammar, arithmetic, cooking, and even the guitar.
Practice is probably something you think you're done with
when you leave school or give up music lessons. But, have
you ever thought of practicing the fine art of gratitude?
It's quite possible to attain great wealth, the best
education, and an exceptional quality of life and still be
unhappy. This occurs when people live with an absence of
gratitude. Once gratitude becomes part of your nature you
begin to see the connections between your success and
creature comforts, and the talents and contributions of
others.

- The farmer plants, waters, fertilizes and harvests the
tomatoes you enjoy.

- The truck driver delivers the food to the market that will
soon feed your family.

- The baker kneads and bakes the bread for the sandwich
you'll eat for lunch.

- The engineer and architect design the bridge that allows
you to get to work.

- The furniture maker's handiwork creates the furniture in
your living room.

- The plumber fixes your leak, clears your drain and plunges
your toilet.

- The teacher educates and inspires your children to be the
best they can be.

- The customer provides the support that enables everyone to
receive wages.

- The performer engages the imagination and entertains your
senses.

- The seamstress sews the beautiful clothes that make you
look great.

- The physician and nurse help to bring your beautiful baby
into the world.

It's quite humbling to think of all the roles that complete
strangers play in our daily existence. The sheer ingenuity
and effort required of others is one of the most compelling
reasons why we must make gratitude a daily practice.

One of the best ways to cultivate gratefulness is to count
your blessings by thinking of all the good in your life as
well acknowledging the contributions of others. This is
important for three reasons:

Positioning. By focusing on the positive things in each and
every day, you position gratitude so that it has top of mind
awareness.

Perspective. By looking for goodness and nobility in
yourself and others, you are reminded that there are lots of
good people with good intentions in the world.

Power. By being appreciative for challenging lessons and
adverse situations you are demonstrating grace under fire.
That grace results in greater personal power,
self - confidence, momentum, and energy.

Practicing the fine art of gratitude is not only among our
most important positive emotions, but one that links
directly to physical and mental well - being. It's in our
self - interest to feel gratitude because it makes us better
people.

Like other attitudes, gratitude can be cultivated. We don't
have to wait for someone to shower us with gifts before
feeling thankful. We can develop gratitude by reflecting on
the gifts that are already ours. This reflection can be done
for a minute, a day, or throughout a lifetime.

Everything Counts!

Copyright 2007 Gary Ryan Blair, goalsguy.com
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© Copyright 2007 - GoalMinds, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Worldwide

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