Welcome back to the Twilight Dynasty Newsletter!
As I said last month, this newsletter isn't just about me. It's a light entertaining communication that, I hope, will brighten your day. Through this newsletter, I'll be introducing you to other talented writers as well as some interesting sites. In addition, I'll be providing you with at least one free short story per month for your reading pleasure. So enjoy the read, people...

**TABLE OF CONTENTS**

- "Laying Down the Law"
- "Robin's Rant" (The feminist's perspective)
- "Site of the Month"
- "Short Story of the Month"
- "Happy Mother's Day"
- "Mythos News"
- "Closing Remarks"

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"LAYING DOWN THE LAW" (or "The Legal Brief" )

Lawyer to client: "In my profession, there's no such thing as free speech"
- Harry T. Shafer and Angie Papadakis, "The House of Justice"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The U.S. National Institute of Health has announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use lawyers. They have provided three reasons in support of their decision:

1. There are now more lawyers than rats;
2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the lawyers as they did to the rats; and,
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won't do.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fifty-Eight. Eight to research the precedents, five to draft the pleadings, one to move for an adjournment, four to argue the preliminary issues, two to dictate settlement correspondence, two to attend at mediation hearings, two to settle the matter, five to complete the time dockets, twenty-eight to bill for professional services, and one to order a secretary to change the bulb.

Hey, wait a second! I don't get it... ;(


"ROBIN'S RANT" (The feminist's perspective)

- I've been accused of being a M.C.P. ( and that doesn't stand for "Member of Colonial Parliament"). In order to show my open-mindedness, I've created a monthly column for my fellow writer (er– I mean, my like-minded author-type person) Robin Light. So without further adieu, here's the light-bearer to enlighten us all as to the feminine angle on life...

"Not Really a Rant"
by Robin Light

I live in an old brick building in an apartment above a home decor shop and a rave wear store. It's a decent neighbourhood - lots of café's and used bookstores; my apartment is only about a half a block from where I work. While this is handy on a day to day basis, I find that the short distance is a saving grace when, at one a.m., I'm about to drop off to sleep, my eyes fly open and I think - "Did I lock the door when I left work?"
Anyone who has had thoughts similar to this knows that there is no way sleep will come until you are one hundred and fifty percent sure that the front door of work has indeed been secured.
So - out of bed and into respectable clothing to go traipsing down a (still busy in the wee smalls' of the morning) street. And yes - the door is locked. Back to bed.
So where's the feminist angle?
I'm an 'angry young womyn' and everything I do has some greater good for the liberation, right?
Kind of.
I'm almost at the crosswalk, knowing I'm not making the light so why run? - and the ever present gaggle of young men, (baseball caps backwards, spitting on the sidewalk) turn the corner and walk past me. There are five of them. They are hooting and hollering at a lone female across the street from me. I know she hears them - the minute their catcalls sail over the avenue, her shoulders hunch forward, her head sinks to her chest while she darts a look across the street, she folds her arms in front of her and starts to walk faster.
Their hoots turn to laughter. Look at her go.
I'm going to glare at them - thatıs what I do. Thatıs what I'm supposed to do. I glare, tell them they're jackasses, give them a few short sharp words that will leave them feeling maybe a little ashamed of themselves, and I will go home with a clean conscience and crawl back to bed.
Instead, I stare at the ground, arms folded in front of me, and wish that the light would hurry up and change before they notice me. Wishful thinking.
A hoot, a holler, and a wave of laughter follows me across the street.
Why does this upset me? They're just guys having fun, and -
I'm over-sensitive, I have no sense of humour and hey - don't you know we're just giving you a compliment? Can't you take a compliment? You should really get some help if you canıt even take a compliment. Holy. Some people.
Maybe it's not the hooting and hollering. Maybe it's not even the rude and suggestive comments that come out on beer scented breath.
Maybe it's the laughter.
Maybe it's not knowing why they're laughing, but they are; it has a bitter and cruel tang to it that goes bouncing down the street and ricochets off the streetlights, past the women who are hurrying, staring at the ground, arms folded at the chest. Women who don't know how to take a compliment.

Signed: robin_light@yahoo.com


"SITE OF THE MONTH"

- For the writers amongst you, I encourage you to visit "Ink Spot: The Fictioneer" at: http://www.inkspot.com/fiction/ for all kinds of useful information, including markets, writers' communities, articles, and much, much more. Enjoy!


"SHORT STORY OF THE MONTH"

- My short story of the month, posted just for my newsletter subscribers is entitled "Eyes of the Serpent" and is located at: http://www. members.home.net/barry.smith/eyes.html
- I don't know if Robin will approve of the catcalling dweebs in the early part of the story, but I do have to stand up for the male perspective to keep this newsletter in balance. (Tee hee hee...:)
- Remember, I thrive on feedback (positive or negative), so feel free to email me any comments that you may have by clicking on the flashing email button at the bottom of the story page. Enjoy!
- If you missed last month's Short Story, "A Siren's Cry", you can still read it at:
http://www.members.home.net/barry.smith/siren.html
- These stories have been posted exclusively for the enjoyment of my newsletter subscribers. From the story sites, you can surf through the balance of my website, but there is no link to these stories from the main site. So, enjoy the stories, then feel free to explore the Twilight Dynasty website, which includes a virtual tour of Muskoka, Ontario, the setting for the Twilight Dynasty mythos.


"HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY"

- Mother's Day is almost upon us. Still looking for that special Mother's Day gift. I can recommend to you ‘Mama Stories' by my fellow author, RD Larson. Since it's an e-book, you can get it on-line without having to buck those mall crowds. As a special Mother's Day tribute, take a read of RD's short story, "Celebrate Mama", at: http://members.delphi.com/rdlarson


"MYTHOS NEWS"

- What's happening in the Twilight Dynasty world? Wellllllll, I've been on the radio interview circuit, guesting on 7 radio shows from Seattle to Detroit over the past month and a half. Next week, I'll be on a Phoenix station on Monday and an Ottawa station on Thursday. So, I'm getting the word out. All of the details are on the "Mythos News" page of my website at: http://www.members.home.net/barry.smith/mythos.htm


"CLOSING REMARKS"

Well, guys and dolls, that's about it for the second issue of the Twilight Dynasty Newsletter. By the way, the subscription list now stands at over 60 subscribers. It would be cool if we could double those numbers, so remember to tell a friend or two about this free newsletter. If you know anyone who would enjoy receiving The Twilight Dynasty Newsletter, email their name and email address to: newsletter@twilight-dynasty.com or have them sign up on the Author's Page of my website at: http://www.members.home.net/barry.smith/TheAuthor.htm I'm also looking for contributors, so if you've got something to get off your chest, a story you'd like published, or newsworthy information, email me your suggestion and I'll include the best one in my June newsletter. So long for now, people, and be good... or, at least do a better job faking it :)

Barry