It's here. It's here. Doggone it anyway.... it's here at last. Yup. Fishing Season.
All across northern Minnesota, people are sitting in boats freezing to death, drinking terrible coffee and hoping upon hope that some little fish will swim by and see that cold dead minnow. He'll open his mouth and inhale the bait and then the fight is on. He takes line and you fight him bravely, he takes more line and once again you bring him toward the boat. Finally in one last valliant effort, you bring him into the boat. You hold him up and he is barely bigger than the bait he just swallowed. Gently, you slide him back into the water, hoping that the guys in the boat just a short distance away won't see how small it was. Now that sure was fun, wasn't it!
It's genetics, my friends. It's one of those things we get from the gene pool of our father. Mothers have since time began, refused to partake of such things and stayed home where it was nice and warm. And so within their gene pool they had no such foolishness. Mothers pass along things such as common sense, kindness and gentleness. Fortunately for all of us sitting freezing on the lakes, these traits are recessive.
Any good fisherman knows that you need an inordinate amount of equipment to catch fish to feed your family. The boat must be at least $20,000. The motors (and you need at least 3) cost more than a new car. Rods and reels, another $3,000. Then there is the new truck to pull it all with. That's another $40,000. Then you bring home a total of 1 1/2 pounds of cleaned fish. This is where it comes down to being a serious problem. If the little woman ever gets her hands on a calculator, you are in serious trouble. Throughout the year, if you're a good fisherman, you'll provide for the family a total of 10 pounds of fish. Now it's looking even worse.
That good looking bride of yours cooks up what you have frozen to death for. The table is full of good food and pride swells in your chest, knowing you provided the main course. Then as you look at the plate of fish, you realize that those little fillets of fish you caught are dwarfed by the fish sticks your wife bought at the grocery store. It's just far too shameful and you eat them in silence. She knows..... she knows. She knows that the fish costs at least $500 per pound.
Why would an otherwise sensible wife put up with such extravagant spending? It's her sense of humor my friends. She knows that the man sitting in the boat is the same little boy that sat on the rock by the lake with a cane pole in his hand, hoping some day to own a boat.
So instead of holding up that stringer of fish so proudly, bring that woman some flowers. She deserves it for putting up with you and smiling when you spend the family fortune on a boat.
And so it goes here in Minnesota, and so it has always been. Flowers are in bloom and mosquitoes are growing strong and healthy.
From the land of tall pines and tall tales,
Best Regards,
Ron
p.s.
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