Hi, All!

Hope you enjoyed your summer. Some of us already have kiddos back in school. Others of us (like me) are still waiting for the school bells to start ringing. I have mixed emotions about it all, but am looking forward to returning to more scheduled living.

I have posted two new articles for your reading pleasure.

Other news: Still working on revising the book and cover. Will keep you posted on that.

For now, that's all. Remember you can scroll down to the bottom to read these articles within the email or you can click on the links for all the bells and whistles.

Take care, Allyn

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Feature Article 1: A Time and a Season
www.allynevans.blogspot.com
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Feature Article 2: What Size Are You?
www.thealertparent.com
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FEATURE ARTICLE 1: A Time and a Season

Whether you’re going on a business trip or a get - away with friends, unraveling yourself is hard if you are a caregiver. You must make arrangements for everything from who’s picking up Johnny or who’s dropping off Suzie, to planning what Johnny and Suzie are going to eat.

When I was trying to pull the pieces together for a March trip, I almost threw in the towel. I almost cancelled.

I went, but separation drama continued even after I reached my destination. Adding to my stress, my dogs had become escape artists soon after I left. My husband was out of town and I had to resolve the “dog break” incident from afar, all the time wondering, “What was I thinking?”

I am lucky. I have lots of support. My long - time friend with three kids under 13, a pressure - filled job and not - so - supportive husband emailed me a week before our scheduled departure, saying, “It’s not going to work. Too much to sort out. Better go without me.”

I understood. I questioned my own ability to go.

At just the right time, I read something written by a young mother. “Picture a white horse, mane in the breeze, splashing through rivers. Now imagine that same horse curled up in a ball in the corner of a shadowy stall. That horse is me,” she said.

She wrote she loved her current life and understood the role she was playing, but still she pined for the woman she had been: “I used to be the girl who spent midnights dancing around my car at red lights. I can’t remember the last time I was in a car without kids. I used to be outgoing and fun. Now I'm just settled and quiet. I used to help autistic kids. Now I barely see my own sister.”Her essay reminded me of myself only a decade ago. There were moments when it felt like I would be a mother of an infant forever.

Horse Lady said more: “I've been tamed, like a wild horse stuck in a muddy stall. Tamed by life. Routine. I'm not a routine person. I like change and messy spontaneity. I like the freedom to run when I want to, and not be held back by so many to - do's. I miss writing poetry and stories every day with enough passion to cover the globe. Too much to do. Work. Cleaning. Cooking. Babies. Maintaining our business.”



I had been there, slap dab in the middle of life as a caregiver. Though I still am, I’m no longer so deeply entrenched. I wanted to tell her that she could find herself again. I wanted to tell her with each passing birthday it does get easier and less labor intensive. I also wanted to encourage her to put “life” and “dreams” back into the formula—even if on a very small scale. The mistake caregivers make is giving up all desires and dreams while giving everything to duty, routine. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, though it might be less of “own life” and “dreams” than at other times.

Reading this article helped me stick to my guns. I went on the trip despite the headaches and mixed feelings. Though it took some effort, it was time for me to step out on my own.

And it was well worth the effort.

We must remember our children aren’t just looking to us for transportation and meals. They are learning life is more than a to - do list, that there are times even for grown - ups to leave the stable and run on their own.

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FEATURE ARTICLE 2: What Size Are YOU?

Not too long ago Hollywood actress Jennifer Love Hewitt claimed to be a size 2. The night after seeing her discuss “being the fattest one at the party” I talked to my husband. I started naming women he knew who comfortably wore a size 8. “Can you imagine Bridget wearing a two or zero?” I asked him.

“Not good,” he said.

“If Bridget started wearing a size two, I’d accuse her of being ill. Do you think if I saw Jennifer Love Hewitt in person, I’d think she was ill?”

But we and our children are bombarded by media images that make size - 2 women feel fat. I hear of third grade - girls obsessing about their weight, and I have to think, “Are you kidding me?”

Eating disorder expert, Dr. Anne Becker, and medical doctor and author, Dr. Nancy Synderman, have each discussed the influence of media on our daughters’ perception of themselves.

Dr. Becker suggests “young American adolescents are…vulnerable to mistaking television characters as role models for real life.”

Snyderman asked her readers, “Is your daughter culturally sophisticated enough to realize that the images she’s looking at—in magazines, on CD covers, on television—have been altered and enhanced, digitally and otherwise? Does she realize that the bodies (not to mention the skin, hair and nails) presented as ‘ideal’ may also have been specially lit, ‘altered’ or ‘enhanced’? Are her mathematical skills sophisticated enough for her to recognize what a teeny percentage of the female population on this planet actually is born looking this way?”

Even I have taken advantage of the wonders of photo enhancement. When taking photos to use for my website, the photographer pointed out my imperfections.

“Would you like to remove this extra flesh under your chin?”

“Extra flesh,” I thought. “I have extra flesh under my chin?”

He used a pointer to show me the offending skin.

That extra flesh had to go.

He worked other magic, too. With a click of a button many of my wrinkles vanished. Every now and then you’ll catch actresses or models unprepared for the cameras or the victim of an unbrushed shot. Sometimes it’s surprising the difference in how they look and how you think they look.

The website http://www.mypopstudio.com/ can help us deal with what’s coming at our daughters at warp speed.

My Pop Studio, for younger girls and tweens, uses creative play to strengthen critical thinking skills about television, music, magazines and online media directed at girls.

The information on the website tells parents, “Developing media literacy skills is increasingly important in a world where girls spend much of their everyday life consuming and creating media.

Parents and educators can highlight the learning outcomes of My Pop Studio by encouraging girls to share and discuss activities on the site, and by extending into offline activities from the curriculum guide.”

The site has three suggestions to help our daughters use the information provided. Ask your daughter to share what she has done on the site. With many interactive games and activities, she’ll have much to show. Secondly, ask your child questions about the activities themselves.

Talking to your child about her experience and interpretations means that you too are playing a vital role in helping her digest what she sees in the media. And finally, help your daughter reflect on the purpose of doing the activities and then help her make connections to the role of media in both your lives.

Concerned about how media is impacting your daughter? I highly recommend My Pop Studio as a starting point.

info@allynevans.com