Hi, All!

I hope settling back into the routine of school has been as seamless for you as it has been for me. Don't get me wrong. I miss summer! But now life is more scheduled and well, let's face it...I'm much more productive.

I hope you enjoy the articles featured in this newsletter.

Take care, Allyn
P.S. Don't forget, the articles are included below, just scroll down.

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Feature Article #1: The Tug of a Lotus Flower
www.thealertparent.com

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Feature Article #2: Escaping the Fog of Confusion
www.allynevans.blogspot.com

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Feature Article #1: The Tug of a Lotus Flower

"It’s just so scary,” a mother of a tween said to me. “I am trying to allow Annie more freedom, but it’s hard. Every time she rides her bike to our local quick mart, I’m petrified until she gets home.”

I knew exactly what she meant. I constantly remind myself the objective of my current job: to get my daughter from tween to adult in one piece—physically and emotionally. I also understand my daughter needs space as she develops self - resilience, self - confidence, and the ability to make connections on her own. She needs to be allowed to make mistakes. She needs to ride her bike alone.

Remember Lenore Skenazy who put her nine - year - old son on the subway train in New York City with only quarters and a map? Lenore’s genuinely worried that our safety concerns are limiting our children.

While theoretically I agree with her, I am also concerned about what might happen to my daughter if I am not hovering nearby. Let’s face it. There is no Leave It to Beaver life right now. The streets and Internet are not safe places for our children to roam free.

But our children grow up. There comes a time when parents must begin to allow and let go. My daughter and I have reached this place. It is time to begin saying “yes” more. She needs to test her wings. She needs to be able to make mistakes. She needs room.

While talking to Annie’s mom, I thought of Marianne Williamson’s story of elephants in A Return to Love. When Williamson traveled to Bangkok she witnessed how elephants are trained. “The trainers capture the elephant and tether one of its legs to a giant tree,” she wrote. The elephant puts up a mighty fight. In an attempt to be free, it will fight for days, sometimes weeks. Typically by the time a month has passed the elephant gives up—stops fighting.

At this point the trainers will tie the elephant with a rope. The elephant will fight some more, but not as hard. Eventually, just like before, the elephant will stop trying. By the time the training is complete, the elephant will remain tied to a tree or a stake tethered with only a lotus flower—the constant tug on the ankle indicates they are anything but free.

If we tether our children long enough, even if it’s out of a great love for them and a desire to keep them safe, they can lose the ability to branch out on their own. And isn’t that what life is all about? Exploring and learning for as long as we live? I think Lenora would be proud of me for making this analogy. We caregivers walk a thin line as we do everything in our power to keep our children safe while helping them be strong, powerful people who will prosper and soar as adults.

How do we do this? If you are like Annie’s mom and me, you take baby steps. You say yes as often as possible. You give your children choices, and dole out consequences when the boundaries are overstepped.

What did it feel like the first time you were allowed to ride your bike alone? Didn’t you feel free and powerful? Didn’t you feel all grown up? We need to set up opportunities for our children to feel “all grown up”, free and powerful so that when they do leave our nests, they will not be held down by fears, insecurities, an inability to test the waters or, for that matter, a lotus flower.

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Feature Article #2: Escaping the Fog of Confusion

There’s a book I read a couple of years back by Maria Nemeth titled "Mastering Life's Energies." (Incase you are wondering, I am not affiliated with Maria's program.) And it’s also a book I recently sent to a friend who is struggling with the “what now” question. My friend is not happy at work and knows there is something more she is to be doing.

While reading one of her emails, I remembered the book and how it helped me. Then I mailed it to her.

And then as is typical for me, I accidentally ran across an article I wrote for subscribers to my Queen - zine two years ago. I want to share that article with you today.

In 2007, I wrote…

In the book Maria asks us, “Are you willing to live your life with clarity, focus, ease and grace?” Do I see a showing of hands? My hand is up. Yes. Yes. Yes. That’s my plan. For the most part, since writing my first book, I have created an easy life for myself.

Check off ease. But what about the other three?

Let’s take clarity—something I haven’t had for about nine months. Actually, I relate the “derailing” to my juror experience. Let's just say, the experience was NOT a good one. If you are curious, visit: http://www.amazon.com/Ordinary - People - Perform - Unthinkable - Acts/dp/B000PAU32U/

This turned into an Amazon Short article. It costs .49 to purchase and read.

That’s when the fog rolled in. Living in fog made me do some bad things (got to blame something or somebody besides me, right?). Being confused meant I made commitments I couldn’t keep. I found myself doing something I rarely did in the past. I broke promises. More times than not, what I thought was a new direction was a step off course. I corrected and adjusted, saying I'm sorry as I plodded along, but still I couldn’t ‘see’. Maria calls it “driving in the fog”.

I continued on anyway trusting something that Maria also says, “When you see clearly what is before you, you will know in your heart what to do.”

But first, I stopped making promises. Obviously, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to make commitments. When you are “driving in fog,” you can be misled by invitations that seem exciting, lucrative or safe simply because when fog sets in your intuitive abilities usually diminish. You go after things for “obvious” reasons and use logic to explain why you are doing something.

Using this method gets you to do crazy things like: fall for the “get - rich - quick” scheme, “take - the - full - time - position - because - at - least - you’ll - have - money - even - if - you - hate - it” job, or “you - are - crazy - not - to - do - this - because - you - will - miss - out - on - the - gravy - train” opportunity. While “driving in fog” you are more likely to make bad choices. Period. The End. If you are “driving in fog”, it’s time to cease and desist embarking on new endeavors until clarity returns.

How do you solve the “not - seeing - clearly” problem? Maybe I’m not the best person to ask. :) It took me months to overcome the recent storm. But this storm was different. This time I was not tortured by my old fears of the past like:

1. Can I make or create something?
2. What am I supposed to do with my life?
3. How will I earn enough to eat?

Those are issues, I have mastered and overcome. If you are still hanging around in that territory, it’s okay. You can learn to overcome too. Read books! That’s how I absorbed most of my information. I have a recommended reading list. http://allynevans.blogspot.com/2006/11/about - me.html

If you don't want to buy any of the books, that's okay. Ask your librarian to order them (if they are not in stock at your library). This way others will benefit too and it doesn't cost you a dime.

But I disgress...

Let's return to the original question. How do you resolve the "not - seeing - clearly" problem?

Easier said than done. For most of us, it's about waiting. I usually chalk fog experiences up to bad timing or the need to wait. It can also be caused by not having all the facts or because you are not sure how you feel about something. Basically, you are in a holding pattern as you wait for all the pieces to come together.

So what are you to do? Besides waiting, you spend time contemplating and dreaming. You pay attention to everything that is around you, including your nightly messengers (dreams). And you keep waiting.

BACK TO THE STORY…

Just like most people, I felt frustrated by my lack of clarity. I knew eventually the fog would lift. It always does. But I also realized moving forward wasn't the right move. So, what did I do while waiting? I focused on “present moment” living. And in my spare time I read books. I searched for answers and teachers.

And one day the fog lifted. The day was September 21, 2007.

NEXT TIME…I’ll give you an update on 2009.

P.S. If you want to check out my Amazon Short about my juror experience—you know the experience that kicked off the downward spiral—feel free to do so. They cost 49 cents. I’ve enjoyed reading some of the stories by other Amazon Short authors. It’s a wide offering of fiction and nonfiction. Plus you can’t beat the price!

Here’s the link (http://www.amazon.com/Ordinary - People - Perform - Unthinkable - Acts/dp/B000PAU32U/), if you are interested. I’ve been told by reviewers that it is also a good lesson for parents and children.