The Latest Buzz…
September 2016
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September! My month of anniversaries!!! On the 3rd, I’ll celebrate one year of wedded bliss with my English lass. On the 4th, I’ll celebrate 22 years of sobriety. And on the 15th, it will be the second anniversary of my heart surgery. Literally, September is a month of life and death and life after death for me. That is the idea behind the article at www.daveharm.com/article

On a personal note, September can also have some new dates for me. I should find out about two jobs I have applied for… both jobs are at the interview stage. One is already done and I am hired if the owners can find enough hours for me. The other is where I’m at now. Right now I’m hired through a temporary agency… recently they placed ads for full-time employees. Six positions, so far I have made it through two stages of the process. The first stage, was submitting my CV (resume’), then an aptitude test… well actually three tests and I passed them… next is the final step a face-to-face interview. It started with 112 applications, then it was narrowed down to 25… now this step is down to nine people for six jobs. This is what I wrote this month’s poem about www.daveharm.com/poemofmonth

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I am finding it hard to share my thoughts right now. I’m writing this with a heavy heart. I found out yesterday that my oldest brother passed away. My family and I have never been close, but it still hurts because now any chance of rebuilding burnt bridges is gone.

The foundation of this damage was because we had two alcoholic parents. And as teenagers, young adults, without the help of 12 Step programs will do, we blamed each other for our parents drinking. After both parents died, it was easier to point fingers then to place blame where it truly belonged and that was at our parents – not each other.

The last contact I had with this brother was about a month before I left America. He sent me a CD of our parents wedding. To this day, I haven’t looked at that CD. And frankly, at the time I was kind of angry he even sent it to me. I e-mailed him back and questioned him as to why he thought I wanted something like that? Pictures of the people who made my childhood a living hell? Why would I want that?

Anyway, he responded but I never opened that e-mail. I packed the CD and it is here with me in England and who knows maybe someday I’ll look at it but not right now.

During those eight months, I knew I still had that e-mail but I just never felt the urge to open it… that is until last night. Would it have made any difference if I opened it any earlier? I’ll never know.

The one thing that I have wanted my whole adult life is just an acknowledgement that my childhood was hell. That e-mail was that acknowledgement. He understood my reasoning as to why I didn’t want that CD but he thought that maybe someday I may want it.

Then it came. The final paragraph. He said that, he knows I received the blunt of that terror and he wishes that he would have done more to protect me… there it was. I never responded to that e-mail because I never opened it.

I believe everything happens exactly the way our Higher Power wants it to happen, so for whatever reason, we weren’t destined to have our reunification in this lifetime.

After reading that note, I do believe that he knew something wasn’t right and he wouldn’t be here much longer and he was going about making amends the best he could.

I’ll miss him. Not because of some strong brotherly bond but rather because the chance to build a bond will have to wait…


Take care everyone,
have a good month,
Dave