Well, here it is the middle of January already. The Christmas cookies are gone, I've already broken my New Year's resolutions, and there's still two more months of winter! Luckily I've got a few announcements to brighten this dreary month.

WIN MO' MONEY!

That's right. Fresh on the heels of the e-writers successful Christmas contest, we're running a brand new contest where you can win cash and books. The e-writers Valentine contest will take you on a scavenger hunt to find famous pairs of lovers throughout history. I'll even get you started and tell you that my pair of lovers is Cinderella and Prince Charming. Now all you have to do is go to the e-writers contest site (http://www.geocities.com/e_writers_today/contest.html), find the rest and you're well on your way to winning a prize. First prize is $250.00, second prize is $100, and there will be additional prizes of books and downloads. Just think of all the chocolate you could buy with that! The contest runs between now and February 14th. Have fun!

ENCHANTED COTTAGE AVAILABLE AGAIN!

This week I'm the featured author at Novel Books, Inc. (http://www.novelbooksinc.com). Visit the site to download my free short story, PRINCE OF DREAMS, enter to win an advance copy of my five-star paranormal romance, ENCHANTED COTTAGE, plus read an interview, chapter excerpt, and reviews.

What else can I do to celebrate the re-release of ENCHANTED COTTAGE? How's about another contest? The first person to send me their name and snail mail address at LindaBleser@hotmail.com will win an 11" plush Valentine bear wearing a t-shirt with the lovely ENCHANTED COTTAGE cover art on the front, along with a heart-shaped tin of Sweetheart candy. These special Valentine bears will soon be available for everyone to buy directly from my cyber shop (http://www.cafepress.com/cp/store/store.aspx?storeid=nbi_ec), but you could be the first to own one now! In the meantime, you can still order t-shirts, coffee mugs or mousepads. (Thanks to Michele Bardsley for the contest idea! I love giving stuff away.)


MORE STUFF AND A SNEAK PREVIEW

That's all the news I have for now, unless you want to hear about this horrible 2-hour extraction I have scheduled at the dentist tomorrow. I'm pretty sure my next book will be a mystery novel about the untimely death and torture of a local dentist. (My apologies to any dentists receiving this newsletter.)

Here's a little sneak peek at my upcoming novel, tentatively titled, "Die, Dentist, Die!!!" (I may drop one or two of the exclamation marks in the final version.) If you're squemish, you might want to skip this excerpt.


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DIE, DENTIST, DIE!!! (Chapter 1 - Yet Another Root Canal)

First the bad news. I needed not one root canal, but THREE! And it's not even my birthday. The tooth that was giving me problems was a molar which has already had root canals, so all the posts had to be removed, redrilled and refilled. First Dr. Marquis de Sade shoved a 12" needle in one side of my mouth and out the other. He seems to think that if he wiggles my lip while the needle is excavating through bone and tissue, that I won't feel a thing. I politely mention that HE'S KILLING ME!

Rather than respond, he puts a mouth condom on me. That's this big rubber tent that goes over your mouth. I think it's so he doesn't drop a post down my throat, forcing me to sue him. Either that or it's so he doesn't have to be annoyed by my gurgling screams. The mouth condom goes on with alligator clips...or maybe it was a beaver trap. Something painful. Again, that's to desensitize me to the pain of what he's about to do, which is drill straight through my head. So he commences to drill up through my teeth, through my sinuses, my cheekbone, one eye, and into my brain, stopping when the drill grazes the top of my skull. He stops there so he doesn't mess up my hair. It's a little painful as the drill scrapes through my skull bones, but when I flinch, he says "Oops, sorry." That's because even though he's a sadist, he's very polite. That won't stop me from killing him.

Now the gaping holes (or canals in dental lingo) are drilled, but is that enough? No. Now it's time to widen them a little with an electric saw which could cut through California Redwoods. Again my screams are muffled by the mouth condom, leading him to think I'm enjoying this little episode, so he does it a few thousand more times. By now my hands are completely numb and I've shredded the leather on the arm rests. Now he takes a meat hook and begins scooping my brains out through my teeth. I'm now totally brainless. The old posts are out and he measures for new ones. Two posts will be 30 and one will be 55. I'm pretty sure he's measuring in feet. He remarks on how long my root is. I think that was a compliment.

By this time I'm semi-conscious. He's doing stuff, but I prefer not to know what it is. He tells me I'm going to feel some pressure as he puts one foot on my shoulder, braces himself, and jackhammers his way back into my brain a few thousand times. Then he warns me that "This is going to smell a little nasty." What? I'm not sure I heard him right. Oh yeah! Now I smell it. He's apparently engraving his name on my tooth and I can smell burning tooth enamel. I'm afraid the wood carving instrument is going to slip and the mouth condom will be melted permanently to my lips. I think that will be an attractive look for me.

Only 60 short minutes later and I'm done. He wrenches the mouth condom off and I'm surprised to find I still have lips, although they're numb. Most likely from terror rather than the novocaine. A good time was had by all. So much so that he wants to see me again next week. Lucky me!

...DIE, DENTIST, DIE!!! Coming soon to a bookstore near you.

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Happy New Year...and take care of those teeth!

Linda Bleser
http://www.lindableser.com
email: LindaBleser@hotmail.com