WHOA!

It was in the 1960s that I got the idea for an award - winning Chevrolet TV commercial. At the time, I was a Mad Man with my own radio/TV ad agency and about fifteen major accounts, one of which was Jim Sandy Chevrolet, a local auto outlet in Rochester run by two sharp entrepreneurs who were on the verge of local dominance.

Sandy Byers, one of the moguls, hired me to put them on the map with a litany of broadcast spots that would increase their business about 2500%. One was a Birthday Celebration in which the cake exploded in my face (a deliberate effect). And if I were able to pull off a masterful new car commercial, my reward would be my usual fee, plus a gleaming Chevy Caprice of my choosing!

I came up with the idea that would depict a Chevy as having the speed, power, beauty, and endurance of a thoroughbred racehorse. To do it, I bought time on CBS adjacent to the running of the Kentucky Derby, and set about to film the commercial — on horseback!

My eldest daughter and her husband lived in Penfield on a huge farm, one pasture of which was flat and treeless, ideal for my shoot. The people next door owned a stable of riding horses.

On the appointed day, I arranged to have a gorgeous new Chevy Caprice brought out to the farm, driven by one of my glamorous female assistants, to be filmed by my ace photographer, while I narrated the piece and rode alongside — at full gallop in flashy silks, on a mighty stallion!

My daughter asked, nervously, You do know how to ride, don’t you?

What do you take me for! was my snappy comeback. I was practically born in the saddle! After all, I had auditioned for ABC’s Sugarfoot —
and lost!

The first take was perfect, and I should have quit when I was ahead. But, like Don Draper, I was too full of myself: a Yankee man in full! I wanted at least five takes from which to edit my masterpiece.

Of course, what no one informed the Man o’ War I was aboard, was a provision for lunch break was never even considered.

About halfway through the 5th take, my horse decided he had had enough, and despite his not being a member of AFTRA, he suddenly stiffened his forelegs and came to a brisk halt.

I heard a voice from on high: OWNERSHIP OF A GORGEOUS NEW CHEVY LIKE THIS ONE FROM JIM - SANDY WILL GIVE YOU — Jesus H. Christ, what’s wrong with this goddamned horse — ?

Unbeknownst to me, the horse had decided it was lunchtime, and he halted in mid - stride, turned, and headed back across the pasture to his barn on the adjacent property. To hell with my script, the ace cameraman, the thundering new Chevy, the microphone hoisted above the chase car — it was lunchtime!

Whoa! I shouted. Whoa! Aw, come on, horse — Whoa!

It did no good. The harder I pulled on the reins, the more determined my nag was to bolt for the barn and don his feedbag. The script flew from my hands like the first snowfall of winter and the acute shift in momentum caused me to tumble backwards from the saddle and flop on the ground like a spent balloon.

By sheer bad luck, my left foot was tangled in the stirrup; I was dragged for several hundred yards across the field, my head banging incessantly on stones and rocks until the horse arrived safely near his stall. The Chevy continued merrily in a cloud of dust and a hearty Hi Yo, Cylinders to the end of its run.

You okay? I remember my daughter asking. I got up slowly, brushing debris off my rumpled silks.

I think so, I said, vaguely. What day is it?

That winter my Jim Sandy commercial won several prestigious awards, not the least of which was Most Memorable Shoot On a Fall Day in Penfield. Sadly, I have never been the same since.

Last I heard, Sandy Byers was living in California. God only knows where Jim Quarles retired to. Thanks to President Obama and GMs Daniel Akerson, Chevrolet is doing quite well.


Copyright©2013 by Robert A. Mills, all rights reserved