While watching UGA amass more than 60 points against the University of Kentucky, it occurred to me I have a snapshot of the old man — I should say, had; I lost it), standing on a turfed and tightly-mowed precipice in front of someone’s cottage, near Watertown. It was obviously a weekend, but the old man was dressed ‘to the teeth’; he even had a matching (to his tie) handkerchief protruding a scant, but proper, half-inch above his breast pocket.

He was wearing his herring-bone suit, vest, white shirt and all — for which he had paid 14.99 two years ago when it had gone on sale as Merchandise Drastically Reduced (employees only). He wore that outfit only about 50% of the time; why he wore it that day is anybody’s guess.

The old man normally wore his sharkskin suit with appropriate ties and other accoutrements. His shoes (and sox) were his most focused feature; he figured that if he were not wearing the ultimate in foot ware fashion, he was ill-dressed. He easily spent 10 grand a year (which we didn’t have) on shoes.

My old lady was lucky to have 3.99 for a new dress, winter coat AND SHOES — even with the Merchandise Drastically Reduced scam (employees only) -- every two years.

My kid brother, Jack and I, had everything we needed, however, thanks, mainly to our grandparents and assorted relatives; birthdays and Christmas’s were always embarrassing! We’ve got to something for one them one of these days!

What I did do is, I forgot to latch the upstairs screen once and the little kid rolled out. He was less than two years old. He landed in what my old man called ‘the rock garden’. They rushed him to the hospital. They said he had a fractured skull — but I doubt it. They didn’t even take X-rays; you know what I think? I think all they wanted to do was pad our bill!

The kid never showed signs of a fractured skull — even when I hit him full force with a baseball bat a few years later.

Change of subject: I heard Darrius Whatshisface refer to Chris Holcomb as “chief meteorologist” TWICE in the same program the other night. Seems they are catching on! Now, if they’d just let him (Holcomb, not Whatshisface) work M-F and not M-Thurs, all would be right with WMJQ, Channel 806 — provided Brenda Wood were given a ‘mike’ and a driver, and Jeff Hullinger swapped places with Dave Wilkeson. That way, Jeff Hullinger would do the bulk of the news. You’d offer a No. 1 Newscast that would take years to beat and, at the same time, have an excuse to run four and 1/2 minutes of commercials as 8 ½ thirties!

Re-enter the main subject: the activation of the author (as it should be) and restructuring him to primary prominence as the sole purpose of these columns; there is no other.

So be it.


Copyright© 2014 by Robert A. Mills, all rights reserved, may not be published, re-written nor broadcast without the author’s permission