I was so greatly inspired by the sonnet that Sara Russell posted under the title "BIRD SONGS" that I just had to try my first Shakespearian sonnet. Perhaps I should call it sonnet #1. At any rate, please be kind, and you may feel free to point out any errors, like I said it's my first attempt. This is for my wife Charlene.
Within your eyes I've glimpsed the jasper sea.
And braved to search out secrets hidden there,
Mysteries of you that now belong to me.
I've drawn them from the deep with utmost care.
I've seen the gulls glide swiftly near your reef
To feed upon the flotsam by the shore;
Seen fishers catch the denizens beneath,
As bitterns wade the shallow coastal floor.
The tide pools give relief from sun and sand
To flounders who have lost their way at sea.
And I'm amazed when sky and sea and land,
Within your eyes, are looking back at me.
Within your eyes I've seen all that's divine.
And hope to make these treasures somehow mine.
Hi Londis,
I am very impressed by this sonnet, not just because you say it is your first one (it's a great sonnet) - and very happy indeed that my Bird Songs poems inspired it. Thank you so much for your review too! I know that your wife Charlene will also love this sonnet of yours...
Also... I edit the ezine Poetry Life & Times. The October issue still needs more Featured Poets, and I like your work, so if you are interested, please post a message on my message board, and I will send you my AOL email address.
Lonny, I am one big goose bump.. "jasper sea" <--- I was grabbed and it hasn't let go yet.. such continuity of theme, not a word that doesn't belong, doesn't ring true.. "bitterns".. "flotsam".. this is more than a poem, it's a mind picture, a flowing of images, one weaving around the next.. an entire experience.. Shakespeare, reincarnated and at his very best! You have internal rhymes.. a quiet passion one can internalize and hold. We throw the word masterpiece around, perhaps.. I say, this is where that word must land.. you have defined it. I'm absolutely boggled. GOD, this is gorgeous poetry! I am literally shaking..katy xox.
I wrote this novel several years ago, I self published and never had it to sell. I have decided to rewrite it and hope to get it published within a few months for people to be able to buy. I had a few copies and gave them to a few family members and
"Within Your Eyes" is a pleasurable reading.
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
I am very impressed by this sonnet, not just because you say it is your first one (it's a great sonnet) - and very happy indeed that my Bird Songs poems inspired it. Thank you so much for your review too! I know that your wife Charlene will also love this sonnet of yours...
Also... I edit the ezine Poetry Life & Times. The October issue still needs more Featured Poets, and I like your work, so if you are interested, please post a message on my message board, and I will send you my AOL email address.
Best Regards, thanks again,
Sara L. Russell.
In Spirit,
Bear
May I say...please...take a bow.
Wonderful!
John
Excellent reading
William
Love Tinka
The first of many
more..I hope.
~Excellent!
~~Linda~~