It still happens and I have started putting somewhat like warnings on my page so people will wake up and be very careful, it almost happened to me myself and I chose to step away from it.

I have played with the fire of which you speak many years ago when I was a Greenie to the internet, though I am not married. As it turns out, three of the men were married, all with children and one a drunk with several convictions. One had lied about his age by 25 years said he was 35 but actually was 60, had been married since he was 18 had grown children and grandkids, none of which he mentioned. When it gets down to the "ok, let's meet" point, the truth usually will come out, but I found out by doing an internet search on them before agreeing to meet. Funny how through the course of the conversations they will usually tell you their birthday and what town they live in and sometimes even give you a cell number. For less than $60.00 US you can find out everything you need to know about a person and then some. It was money well spent as far as I was concerned. I no longer get involved with people on the NET in that way; I learned my lesson after being hopeful too many times. It is very easy for a person to seem like a perfect match when you only communicate through chat.
It seems you have sparked most who have read this, Eileen. Though this seems more like it would be a blog entry, it is good that you have placed it here so that people can know to be cautious with their kids and the internet, and adults can learn to find out the truth before getting involved. Infidelity is infidelity whether you are physically with a person or if you "play" with them on the NET. Those words and actions are for your spouse and not somebody you spend your time chatting with. I am not trying to be judgemental, but I think you are right that this is a huge problem in many relationships, especially in those where one partner is away alot or they work different shifts.
Take care,
Sherry

I have heard of such relationships - even wrote a short story about it - a rather humorous piece. This one is a heartfelt warning. Very true and frightening.

God bless,

Sandie.

a marriage cannot become stale if there is a creative and spiritual basis to it ... and why would one need to develop an internet relationship when there is so much more going on in the "real" world anyway ... i cannot fathom it ... i agree, it's not worth it ...

How can I add to what has already been stated? A powerful statement about a "new reality" Eileen. Thank you for sharing it. Love and peace to you,

Regis

Won only wonders...God help us...

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :(

Very good writing Eileen, and a hard subject to comment on
as I do not know anyone personally that has been caught up
in that web, I still prefer personal contact...love and peace

Carole

Conversation of the day , what we read etc
Going over the info we need for our vacation
Entwined on the sofa together watching a dvd
Do these things happen anymore, I wonder

I am very happy to report that they do, Tiger Lily, but probably not often enough - for any of us.

your poem is well written Lady Eileen. i have heard of both sides of people in internet relationships, some extremely good, some very bad. i entertain no generalities nor make any judgements in such varied situations, it is for those involved to judge, not an outsider like me. personally i prefer flesh and blood and no obstacles to a permanent relationship.

I guess there are a lot of lonely people out there and for them it would be so easy to fall in love with a stranger on the internet if they were kind,attentive,passionate and affectionate.Unfortunately when something seems too good to be true it usually is a lie/fake.
I don't know why these things happen but they do happen all the time,(to nice folk)it's so sad that your friend had to fall so hard,it could happen to any of us,your poem and wise words are an inspirational warning to many lonely and naive folk.I hope she recovers but most of all I hope her heart mends.God bless her and her family.
Good work Eileen.
Love and best wishes always
from
kay.

Goodness me! This has obviously fanned the flames and has struck chords that touch each of us personally in some shape or form, perhaps - whether directly in our life experience or in those of people close to us - or indirectly in the way we see "family values" being eroded by the breakdown in commitment we seem unable to sustain these days, one to another: starting in the home and spreading out like ripples within community, society, nations. Mankind is desperately trying to regroup itself all over the place by forming allegiances that "work". I feel deeply moved by your story of your niece or neighbour's daughter or whoever; being only 27 and having made such devastating life-decisions that have such far-reaching consequences. But guess we are ALL mere babes when it comes down to internet experience, it only having been around for a relatively short time in most of our (more adult!) lives. I find it difficult to comment on either aspect of this, having been in the same personal relationship for nearly 33 years and also being a total greenie when it comes to the internet. All I can say is that, in terms of male "friendship" on site, I have experienced a mixed bag: I have felt almost witless and LITERALLY in threat of my life through one obsessed bloke; there are others whose connection I find fulfilling and happily complementary to the development of male/female relationships and understanding; there are some who I feel an intensity with but admire the fact that boundaries are always kept square and we treat each other with courtesy and respect; and there are those who I would kill or die for who have become bloody good mates and who I feel a very close sense of kindredship with. All I can, perhaps, say is that we know stuff goes on; we know shite happens, but that I can never seek to make judgments on what is going on in another person's head or relationships when, personally, I have enough trouble figuring out what is or isn't goin on in my own. Maybe being as "wise as serpents and as gentle as doves" is the key. Thanks for this, and in particular for sparking such a wonderful response from Nordette. I live and learn, and for that I am deeply grateful. LOL Kate xx

Love is being able to make a commitment, and not all have the capacity to commit to anything. Honorable people are a dying breed. Too, people enter into marriage with strange expectations. I sincerely believe there should be mandatory courses taught in marriage, family life, raising children, etc. before one is allowed to marry, as much as I am against over legislation on the ridiculous (i.e. who cares about how many chickens or cows you have in the backyard, if you can't raise your kids?). Obviously the role models at home are not working, and every act we enter into, has a role-model somewhere in our heads.

This is a good piece, Eileen. I can even feel your empathy, and that is what is so good about your work. You make people feel...and think.

Nordette, I agree with you totally! Bottom line we don't know what love is, and the internet is just another way of finding that out, when we become too involved to the point of leaving a spouse, before ever having met the other person is utter foolishness! That is so sad. The girl is only 27,barely alive, she had complications from the flu that had weakened her.

I hope your neighbor gets better. Women are much more susceptible to the emotional affair than are men, which is why 1.) I can see Jerry's total lack of sympathy here. As a male he probably doesn't get how powerful the draw can be to getting verbal attention, and 2.) I am so guarded against males who approach me online. A man with a silver tongue is nearly the devil himself, and an emotional affair with a devil can destroy even the best of us. That's what most Internet romances are, emotional affairs, ties built by sharing intimate information with another person. They are not as much about sex as the media hype would lead people to believe.

I think there are both men and women who thrive off charming others and securing their adoration. They're psychic vampires, and they run rampant in cyberspace. The sad thing is that males' hard wiring makes it easier for them to resist falling prey to a silver-tongued devil (males tend to be visually oriented, much more likely to not really fall in love unless they've met you in person), while women who tend to be verbal and aural, drop like flies at the right words. Words cross miles quite easily and win hearts faster than one can blink. When the man who's been dousing some woman with romantic language or just what seems to be genuine caring looks up and discovers the woman he's serenaded is seriously smitten with him, he jumps up and down declaring he's done nothing wrong. What he means is that he doesn't understand how she could be in love with him because he's never physically touched her. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Even the most sensitive men don't get their stupidity on this one.

However, you make the point of thoughts being important, and as you know the Bible makes it clear that what you've thought you've done and that your word binds you. I'd advise both genders to act with more common sense, especially those who are married. (We singles can afford a risk or two. ) If you know you're unhappy in your marriage, then the last thing you should be doing is getting chummy with someone of the opposite sex. Here's a hint: do not discuss the failings of your spouse with someone of the opposite sex, and do not allow them to discuss the failings of his or her spouse with you. Once you start exchanging sob stories, it won't be long before your'e crossing other boundaries that cause you to feel more loyal to the new person than you do to your spouse. If you're really that miserable in your marriage and counseling hasn't helped, then it's far more honorable to end the marriage and then search for greener pastures, but people don't do that do they? Their fear of being alone usually makes them find a new partner first and then break the heart of the one they choose to leave behind. Yes, I'm thinking of my ex as I write this. ;-) I suspect he met his lover on the Net and this is why he was always so willing to believe that I'd run off, meet someone I'd spoken to first online, and then cheat on him. (Me, Frillie, one who must always be approached with extreme caution was not that brave. LOL My writer's imagination saw psychopaths around every corner, and my motto was "Trust no one.") His accusations stemmed from his own activity, I feel. He'd been busy chatting and being willing to meet someone, willing enough to fly across the country. That's called projection, folks. If someone's always accusing you of doing an evil deed, suspect that they've already done that deed themselves.

But ultimately, no matter what you suspect your spouse has done, if you love that spouse and that spouse loves you, then you can work it out. So, the bottom line here is not the Internet and cyber Letharios, but that people don't know what love is. It's not about feeling happy all the time nor is it like the movie Love Story with its stupid saying that "Love is never having to say you're sorry." Hell, no. Love is being able to forgive the one who says, "I'm sorry." Love is commitment, keeping the promises that really count, seeing the bad and embracing your partner in spite of him or herself, and working through the darkness together. No, people don't know what love is today. Well, have they ever? ~~Nordette

This is a great witness to the loss one goes through many times in these relationships. Having a normal one is hard enough but over line can intensify the rough ride. Thanks for sharing this one.

alas... Eileen...yet so human.

Gina

Seya behind the bike shed..
Like any tech, or lifes situations integrity and wisdom are appropriate.. But not throwing the babe out with the bath water.

I can't tell you how glad I am that you wrote this. This is so true. Life is just not totally about poetic intermingling of body parts and heat that lasts forever. I get very tired of reading mediocre erotica. The sexiest parts of my marriage are talking, reading and discussing the same books, going to music festivals, plays, movies, taking vacations and holding hands in public.

So very true Eileen, the electronic revolution has it's price, unfortunately temptetion has a new face.

Paul;-)

Marriage is made in heaven or should be....and there are many perils and dangers in this dark world for all of us !
Thanks for this timely and pertinent warning Eileen, we must always remain alert and vigilant to unhealthy thoughts and approaches wherever they come from , and foster a spirit of pure love and selflessness in this material world !
The grass is seldom greener on the other side...all is illusion and temptation
Love
Peter

I live two doors down from a woman who chucked hubby and child for hot stuff off the Internet. Lasted three months before he began to beat the hell out of her. She came back to her hometown but can't go home, because she does not have one anymore. Do I feel sorry for her? Nope.

A great dissertation on life as it is lived in these perilous times. You can't have sex with multiple partners, man or woman,before marriage, and expect it not to pop-up when things get boring in your married life. You should know the person you marry for an extended period of time without sex so that you have something in common and know the persons true feeling for you. I know this can be difficult but it pays off in the end with a marriage that will last.

True words spoken here Eileen!!

Love Tinka