Crush

As the clouds sail across the summer sky, thoughts of you whisper through my head. I think about the last time I was with you, and dream about the next time I will be with you again.

I can feel your arms around me now as I dream, and I can see myself resting my head against your chest as you run your fingers through my hair.

I close my eyes and you are there. The wind blows softly and cools my heated skin -heated from dreaming, heated from the sun shining down on me. The rays are you smiling at me, for I feel so light and content when you are near, just as I am now, thinking of you.

I think: when will it ever be? When will he ever hold me? My heart aches because none of what I dream is real, although I long for it to be.

Worries and fear keep us apart even though our heats yearn to be together – fear of trying, fear of failing, fear of losing what we already have. Fear of rejection – this is my biggest fear. This is why I can not go after my dreams.

But I know, I feel, that you are experiencing the same. In my heart I know we are to be together, but fear makes you stay away.

Then the doubts start to haunt me. They plague me with their incessant threats: It is not fear – they say – it is not worry. It is not real – they say. These doubts hold me paralyzed in a cold state. I listen to them and become overwhelmed with grief because I am not listening to my heart.

A voice whispers, follow your heart – listen to the wisdom it speaks. Take a chance – go after what you know is real, and true .

At this I stop. For I am afraid to take a chance; afraid to go after what is true – afraid of rejection. It is a never-ending circle.

And so, I look at the clouds and think of seeing you again. I look at the clouds and smile as the wind blows through my hair. I look at the clouds and dream. I close my eyes and wait.