“This is to you… and you already know why. Thank you.”

Every time I think I have overcome the notion of wanting to share my world,
Reality brings someone like you around and stands them before me and waits.

Waits for me to say the words that will push you away, giving weak excuses why I’m not ready… or too busy.

And every time it works, I find myself angry with the thoughts of what might be if I could stop being too blind to believe that love and I could be friends again.

It has become too routine for me to say ‘I like you a lot but…’ and then fill in the blank with one of the lines I’ve taught myself to believe.

With you, though, the excuses I give are seen for what they are, and just as I think you are about to dismiss me,
You open your mouth and let me know you’re not ready to go.

And I can’t help but smile.

Desire whispers about you in my ear when you’re around, telling me I’ve found someone who is honest, sincere, and proud. I’m someone that’s cynical about that notion.

Because you wouldn’t be the first that my body responded to, wanting to believe your persona could be true when all the while there was an ulterior motive that they were pursuing.

No, desire wasn’t going to change my mind. And with that thought I can’t help but wonder what would.

Whether you believe it or not, you’ve done something to me. Something that goes beyond the physical and strokes me mentally.

I enjoy your company, like being with an old friend whose presence makes you feel you’ll dread when it comes to an end, and everyday you wish it doesn’t.
So what do I want from you?

Nothing fancy, just a hope that you’ll never change and that somehow if I rearrange my life, you’ll still want to be some part of me.

Jealousy is said to be one of the qualities I was bred with, and as it pertains to you, I hope that is a true assessment.

You see, every time I’ve had the pleasure to meet someone like you, I’ve fought against what is and what could be.

I think, however, I’m getting tired of fighting.

What I’m trying to say is whenever I rise up against you, forgive me.
Whenever I seem oblivious to your feelings, overlook me.
Whenever I seem to deny the impact you’re having on me, pray for me.
Pray that every time I have the chance for love that I’ll take it.
Pray that every time I have the chance to believe in someone, I’ll embrace it.

And above all, pray that the next time reality brings someone around that I look for the treasure that is in them like the one I’ve found in you.


2004 © by C. A. Webb
All rights reserved.
From his forthcoming project, “The Truth and Nothing But the Truth”