I could hear my rasping breath
My skin pulled over my ribs
as my chest heaved outward.
I sucked what I could for air
but it was too much at one time
and so my feet stopped
solid on the granite surface beneath me.

It was the altitude, I was sure of it, not just the climb.

I stood for a moment
concentrating on breathing
As if giving birth a third time
until I became once again
who I am
My natural rhythm returned.

I laughed at him
an hour ago
When behind me I could hear his breath
pass through what I imagined to be heavily blackened lungs.
Thirty years of non-filters. I’m sure to be a widow.

But, as always, he kept his stride
And passed me
Now standing on the edge like a rock statue
strong and solid
His arms and legs can carry both our weight when we want
His body is as if it was made just for my rapture.

As usual, he makes conversation with other hikers
And the two blondes keeping up with us
have actually been on many hikes since
the days they’d ride as babes on our backs
in packs, their heads gently bobbing up and down with our movement.

They look intrigued, indeed, with whatever it is
he says to them, pointing at the view of another rocky ledge
It is important for them to know, I’m sure

But on the descent
I’m unaware that I fall behind until I realize there are no other voices, no sounds of breathing, or no scraping of boots across the rocks, other than my own.

I had fleeting thoughts of being stranded
Of losing my way
And for one long moment, in the middle of a small clearing,
I stand and turn 360 degrees before I finally notice the signs for the trail. It seems like hours before I catch up to the voices and see them in view.

But then it was as if she was a mirage
I saw her, golden, which one, I was not certain
I looked down to place my foot past a root
and when I looked up she was gone.
I did not panic. She was with him. I knew.

The end of the trail is near
And there they all are in conversation again about life
While my mind meanders as if still following the trail to a far away place
Past the granite rock.

I’m closer to that place than I have ever been
I have known all along this is where I’d go
But it isn’t time yet - for many reasons
And I still don’t know how I could live
without lying naked next to his
solid body each night.