Way Down Yonder

(A Country/Western Song)




Did you ever stop to ponder

What the people way down yonder

In the southern U.S. do when they get bored?



It’s really quite a wonder

When the sky is filled with thunder

And the glass of old Jack Daniels has been poured.



Whether sittin’ in the front yard,

Fryin’ somethin’ up with lard

Or leanin’ on that tree down by the creek



They ain’t been workin’ very hard,

Just waitin’ to get that big reward

For turnin’ Uncle Billy in last week.



Cousin Mary’s knocked up again

We don’t know how ‘cause she ain’t been

No where but here at home with Ma and Pa.



We been learnin’ a lot ‘bout sin

And about the weakness among men

From Preacher Jones and re-runs of Hee Haw.



Now I ain’t really one to lie

So I can tell you by and by

I think there just might be some Hell to pay



If it’s true that when we die

We see that man up in the sky

And stand there for our final judgement day.



Well, I gotta go now. Thanks a lot

Down by the still, I heard a shot

Or maybe it just blew another line



The fire under that brewing pot

Can sometimes just get too damn hot

The way it did way back in ninety-nine.



So Y’all come down to see us, hear?

If that line ain’t fixed, we’ll have a beer.

And talk about them Yankees way up north.



‘Bout how the south will rise and cheer

Hell, we’ll butcher up a steer

And barbecue just like it’s July fourth.



I hope you like my little song

I don’t know if it’s right or wrong

But it’s the honest truth, I do declare.



And I suspect before too long

If we don’t weaken and we stay strong

We’ll get them kids some brand new shoes to wear.



So long now and now you know

When y’all are freezin’ in all that snow

What we down here in Alabama do.



Uncle Billy and Luke and Joe

Well, they just have six months to go

And they’ll be home with Cousin Mary too.



By then that baby should be born

And Pa’ll be sufferin’ old Ma’s scorn

And Thunder Road will be alive again.



We’ll be plantin’ new crops of corn

We’re stealin’ cable so we’ll have porn

I hope we don’t wind up back in the pen.



Who’s that drivin’ down the way?

Uh oh is all I’ve got to say.

There’s blinkin’ lights and sirens everywhere!



I guess it’s fin’ly time to pay

Maybe THIS is judgement day

Man, that cop’s big as a grizzly bear!



Bye Bye now that’s all she wrote

I’m just grabbin’ my hat ‘n’ coat

And runnin’ through the woods toward the lake.



Watch out Mr. Billy goat

If I can make it to my boat

I’ll leave them cops behind me in my wake.



I hear gunshots, but they missed me

And now I’m driftin’ out to sea

I’m really gonna miss my southern roots.



I guess I’ll be all I can be

And sign up for the infantry

At least I’ll have some brand new combat boots.



Then off to Baghdad I will fly

I sure will miss Ma’s apple pie

But life will be complete simplicity.



I’m used to bullets flyin’ by

And real men ain’t supposed to cry

Heck, we ain’t never had ‘lectricity.



So I’ll be fine and I won’t quit

I ain’t worried a little bit

As long as George and Dick are in command.



‘Cause my job’s guaranteed legit

For me and my entire outfit

Can spend the next decade out in the sand.