leafing through past thoughts moments led astray confusion, depression sleeping soundly through troubled dreams the morning blinds intentions and coherent thought is banished I am on a strange trip today the breeze stands my hairs on end and I am feeling alone again I am startled by something so immense I am unprepared I am falling apart and not too sure you care what should I think? what should I feel about your silence your reserve? are you disguising your disposition? what should I do am I strong enough for this? the world is spinning so quickly beyond my control and I'm left dizzy and nauseous from it you're smiling now. what do you want? what do you really want out of this? moments are lost to this subterfuge I can't fathom the depths of my own distress should I be happy? I want to be. would you care for me? should I be frightened? would you cast me from you? fears and worries and naught for comfort except the fact that you did not run from the room screaming or the car, while it was moving you wounded me, though I think, more than you could be conscious of questions posed that shouldn't be who else could ever stand in your stead? whether in jest or nervousness the simple fact that it crossed your mind shatters me. I am stiffling the need to run I stop myself because I am terrified now that you would not follow.