The Whispering Wind: Tales from the Haunted House Ghost (Short Story) - 1/9/2024 1:45:55 PM
I'm not fond of ghost stories. But there are many who are. You opened the story very well with your comment, but much of the story was just a repeat of the comment. While your interaction between Emily and Samuel was quite good, there was no interaction between Emily and Benjamin… Just description. Telling us what the trap was that Benjamin created would really make the story more interesting. What are the details of the research process?
So, if the mansion on the hill is redeemed. And Emily has fallen in love with this little town. Why doesn't she buy the house and renovate it as she grows a family from the husband she met while doing her investigation. It could become a historic house that brought tourists and money to the town or even a bread and breakfast inn. The story can and should be expanded quite a bit more.
Ron
I'm finally in love (Short Story) - 5/4/2018 7:39:02 AM
Some good advice in this article/story. I think when one stops looking so hard for a soulmate, one comes along. As you stated, it's only when we begin to love ourselves that we can find love with others.
Ron
Living Sacrifice (Short Story) - 3/13/2018 5:49:57 AM
Most who would read this story would not believe that a poor young farmer could marry a rich girl, merely by physical attraction combined with his hard work and apparent success. There is a gap between how he became acceptable after the initial encounter that needs filling in.
Also most who would read this would find the superstitious practice of burying (and killing) a pregnant woman in menopause to release a curse to be diabolical and cruel.
Your story jumps to new conclusions without showing any real emotion (dialogue can show that) and therefore should be much longer and more detailed about how these gaps between revelations happen.
Ron
The Penguins Know Better (Short Story) - 2/26/2018 7:22:53 AM
Your analogy (parable?) turned into an article. I think you could've done a better job with the Penguin family. Instead of cleaning the house perhaps you could have cleaning the nest. And penguins do not cook their fish. But only Japanese and those showing off eat raw fish.
It is obvious you don't like some of the courtship and marriage practices in Nigeria. Sociologically, I believe that it is because of upward mobility in some sectors… Rising expectations. Flaunting being wealthy is not the same as being wealthy. Those that come from poor beginnings and get wealth have a tendency to be extravagant. Those that have always had wealth are not extravagant.
Ron
The Eagle Mentalist (Short Story) - 2/9/2018 6:36:24 AM
Yes a parable. But be careful. Your parable must be not only believable, it must be true to form. For example, you belittled the motherhood of the hen that brought the young eaglet to adulthood. This sort of thing does actually happen in nature. Several birds do not nature their own young, but lay their eggs in other birds' nests for the birds there (both parents usually sit on the eggs and take turns bringing food, including eagles). But domestic roosters do not.
Ron
The Eagle Mentalist (Short Story) - 2/9/2018 2:23:30 AM
A beautiful parable...fly like an eagle!
The Library (Short Story) - 1/25/2018 2:30:56 AM
Thompson has a several good years left before he truly experiences the nightmare of finding a meaningful job, or most importantly--a life with meaning.
The Library (Short Story) - 1/23/2018 8:27:03 AM
As I read, it looked like Thompson's whole life was a nightmare. But the ending revealed that he really only was a nightmare. At 13, Thompson's thoughts were very adult.
Once again, good editing would help. A stripper is the guy who works hard to remove caked on paint using a stripping liquid or gel of some type that penetrates the old paint and softens it. A striper is a guy who can paint narrow stripes, usually on cars creating faux body lines and interesting designs like tattoos.
On the other hand, a stripper does striptease routines in a strip club, stripping her customers of their hard-earned dollars in faux sex.
Ron
Ebony (Short Story) - 12/1/2017 6:44:42 AM
As I read I thought this might be a memoir. But then I realized, when there was the threat of death, that it was fiction. You are still making the usual errors in writing by using the wrong words, most obvious was saying that his hands were, "hoarse," when you meant, "coarse."
Your story is full of holes and, while quite wordy in some descriptions, cuts to the chase too quickly when you get to action. Remember that you must start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. Those paragraphs will be very short, but easier to read if they're separated from long paragraphs.
You need to focus on how the bad guy, bad guys, were tracked down and captured. Not make it a simple quick solution.
Ron
Letter to my future wife (Short Story) - 11/13/2017 7:35:40 AM
I think the woman that you need would have to be a Christian like you are or you would not accept her. She would also have to be a reader in order to learn of the prodigious writing that you've done in order to get to know you from all those viewpoints.
But, I would advise you not to share this confession with any young lady you encounter. Although you have tried to explain yourself very well, you may offend or overpower any woman interested in a more simple relationship without all of the characteristics you describe. Some things are left unsaid… Undone.
My helper last evening, at 43 and married once to a man her parents objected to, told me that she had found the ideal partner and was "enchanted" by him. That was a red flag for me, but I hope he is everything she needs right now at this stage of her life.
When you quit trying so hard, love will come to you…
Ron
9/11 (Short Story) - 10/7/2017 1:35:43 AM
So many dates that will live in infamy. You share so much more--your profound wisdom of significance.
9/11 (Short Story) - 10/6/2017 5:59:50 AM
In your article you have pointed out that history is very important to know, because it keeps us from making the same mistakes over and over. I was particularly interested in Nigerian history that you have written, because we in the United States don't often get or quickly forget, events that have happened there and have great significance for Nigerian people.
For example, no one here except those of Nigerian descent know or remember the events of February 27, 2007 in Legos that resulted in many lives lost through panic. It reminds me of what happened here in Houston during hurricane Rita where everyone decided to get on the road to escape the city when it was unnecessary to do so and so many suffered and died as a result of being out on the hot highway with very little food and water stranded without gasoline. A bus carrying nursing home elderly burned and many died. Their nursing home in Houston was undamaged and probably never lost power during the storm that was minor.
I just watched the movie, The Last King of Scotland, portraying the life and times of Idi Amin of Uganda. I noticed how the people cheered when he became president… And then again they cheered when he was exiled and unfortunately, not killed like so many he had killed. A dictator of dictators.
Here are a few words I think you may have gotten wrong: Blaring should be staring. Stringed should be singed. Spurted probably should be announced. September 9, 2011 should be September 11, 2001. September is the ninth month of the year. Of guard should be off guard. Meat to crash should be meant to crash. The plane that was brought down by the passengers was meant for the White House because another plane had already hit the Pentagon. And the Pentagon is not the "seat of power."
Ron
The Haven (Short Story) - 9/2/2017 8:39:10 AM
Strange mixture of ancient and modern information makes this not really historical fiction but some some amalgam of histories and situation. Not sure of the last line, because I saw an old guilt in the story by you, the narrator.
Belina is a town in Poland and is not ancient having been created in the 15th century.
Ron
Stick with it (Short Story) - 8/30/2017 5:24:07 AM
You certainly have a knack for writing many genres. Probably because you were addicted to reading, and perhaps, still are. You also have ambition. I must caution you that ambition alone will not bring success. But you are learning as you go and that learning will eventually show you the way to success.
American writers complain about their health, their “writers block,” and their computers that are old or have viruses, partly because of their neglect of taking care of their computers. But most of them have it easy compared to you when it comes to writing and using the Internet. So I must commend you on your perseverance and willingness to be very productive. Continue to seek help with editing and I know you will eventually find a niche where you can make money. I haven't made any money, but I feel I must write regardless on ideas and issues that I have a say in.
Ron
The Fascist (Short Story) - 8/18/2017 6:31:45 AM
Thanks for the history, although it was a bit hard to follow was so many things happening.
At some point I'm not sure whether this is a true story or fiction. I guess I will find out, eventually. You state that the story is fiction at the onset. But a lot of the description seems to focus on fact.
Ron
The life of McBeth (Short Story) - 8/15/2017 4:47:51 AM
It is dangerous for someone without a disability to write about someone with a disability because of the many misconceptions people have of disability. For example, as some sort of defense for not having a disability, many people, especially those of faith, think that having a disability means that someone is "special" or "blessed."
While it is true that people of disability find ways to overcome their disability with ingenuity and hard work, there is nothing blessing about having a disability limiting one's life in some way.
Your story about a 24 hour period of release from blindness is totally hypothetical and unrealistic. More realistic would've been being born with cataracts that were removed at a later age giving sight to someone who had lived without sight for many years. There is a doctor from Nepal that is giving site to thousands in Asia every year.
Ron
The burial (Short Story) - 8/11/2017 5:07:35 AM
I really like your character descriptions, although a bit over-the-top, sometimes. And I like similes like this one… "like foreigners without a map, making mistakes at every curve of [fork in] the road."
However, aside from the description of a strange cult and the murder of an Episcopal minister at the funeral, there is no plot. I downloaded the "full" story and it is the same as what is presented here.
Ron
Flash back (Short Story) - 8/3/2017 12:20:50 AM
I enjoyed your story. I guess the moral of the story is to hide one's clothes when embarking on a lark such as this. And, kudos to you for surviving a strict school environment with harsh measures of discipline.
Are You Depressed? (Article) - 4/18/2018 7:02:51 AM
I was depressed sometime ago, so I took interest in your article. I certainly enjoyed the farmer analogy. It was perfect. It's just the feces part that disturbs me. I think that gas is more appropriate. Sometimes there is enough natural gas (from those beans?) To power a power plant. Feces always makes for good fertilizer.
Ron
I am a baby (Article) - 1/4/2018 8:02:49 AM
"Father (and even more often mother) knows best." But history is rife with people rising to greatness against their parents' wishes. I hadn't thought of it like you, making you an original thinker, that when we act like babies, we are exploring the territory and want answers, "now."
I have no children, but whenever I'm around children, I delight in answering their questions in as concise and clear away as I can. For when the mind is young, it gobbles up so much basic information, it is better to answer the question right away.
From your writing, I see that you are fully engaged in learning all you can about writing and most willing to make mistakes and delve into new subjects with gusto, in spite of your parents' concern. One day they will be happy you did.
My father and I disagreed on many things. But later, he bragged about my accomplishments.
Ron
One Corner (Article) - 12/23/2017 11:44:34 AM
One would need more bodies to attempt to go to more than one corner in a square or rectangular room or even on a square or rectangular block. One might need less in a triangular shaped room or block.
On the other hand, in a round room, there are no corners. The story goes that the man went crazy in a round barn because there were no corners for him to pee in. ;-)
I'm sure that is a catchy tune.
Ron
Parents digest (Article) - 10/28/2017 8:54:34 AM
I really enjoy phrasing like, "… often times we are not listening to the explosive pollen grains of ideas that trudge the subconscious pathways of our hearts."
Some real pearls of wisdom for parents these days. I have noticed that all of our smart devices for distraction have really cut into the time that families can speak to one another. And when they do, it may be criticism neglecting to do something while distracted. You're right about putting away those devices and getting out and enjoying the sun without their constant need.
I credit my parents with their openness that gave me freedom to explore and learn from my mistakes early so that I could take more responsibility for my life. But parents who are too concerned about security or safety and limit their children's experience are probably doing them harm like your article suggested.
Ron
over the roof (Article) - 9/23/2017 9:04:49 AM
I like the idea that "bread and beans go together." I heard that phrase, "over the roof," before. We would say, "over the top," meaning, "excessive."
Ron
The Good, The Bad (Article) - 8/15/2017 5:01:55 AM
You are describing what is often referred to as Yin and Yang in Asian philosophy. We all have our ups and downs… Perhaps a high point of our life is to be born and the low point of our life is our death. I always say there are two kinds of people in this world: the ones that are nurturing and building it and the ones who are using it and tearing it down. I prefer to associate with the former rather than the latter.
Ron
Marriage Scenes (Article) - 8/14/2017 5:47:17 AM
These were all very funny with a bit of truth in each.
If you did not write these or are not the original author, you should state so. I get many anonymous items like this through email. Someone wrote them. If we know, we should give them credit. If not, we should never claim that we wrote them.
Ron
The voice of patriotism (Article) - 8/11/2017 6:24:57 AM
A very good article about the plight of young people in Nigeria today. As I read initially your description of millennials, I thought I was reading about millennials in the United States of America. There is certainly a sense here like in Nigeria, that something is terribly wrong. And, for good reason.
From my encounters with Nigerian students here in the United States, I have found there are two distinct kinds: those who are hard-working, honest and want the best for their families and their country and those that are devious, cunning and willing to do anything to advance themselves monetarily, legally or not. Fortunately, the latter are in a minority.
Aside from the long struggle to come out of colonialism into a fully functioning society without structure provided by Britain, with Moslems dominating the North and Christians the South, there is always that tension along with tribal rivalries going back centuries as yet unresolved.
From a recent article that I read in Playboy, the shining example seems to be the prosperity of Legos that is still feeding off the poor from the countryside and the rich resources left unexploited by colonialism.
Your article helps those of us in the rest of the world understand the challenges and plight of young Nigerian people and is welcomed in the forum of world opinion. Thank you for posting.
Ron
The controversial book: the King of books (Article) - 7/28/2017 7:06:16 AM
I can see you are thoroughly convinced, so I won't try to change you. I am comfortable knowing what you know about the Bible and find those myths designed to control even the most intelligent and inquisitive with their beguiling stories and pronouncements true. What has resulted is a highly successful con job and cult of God. Good luck with that.
Like I wrote above, I am very comfortable without God and having to turn to the Bible to explain everything that is in human nature. Certainly, many of the Bible events came from true events, but their use was in the form of strong allegory leading an always skeptical conclusion.
The key to the cult's ability to indoctrinate is very simple. Constant repeating of the stories and in them, reinforces long-term memory, leading people to believe that everything in the Bible is true because it has become part of their memories from all those times in church childhood and then rereading portions of the Bible over and over.
Ron
education versus talent (Article) - 4/12/2017 5:46:18 AM
You seem to be trying to cover much more than just the difference between talent and education in this far-reaching article that gives a bit of insight into the complex nature of Nigeria today.
The article would be much better with thorough editing and refocusing it, perhaps into several articles or chapters in a book.
Ron
Shadows of Retribution: A Symphony of Vengeance (Poetry) - 12/15/2023 12:34:26 PM
Your explanation prior to the symphony is poetry as well.
And your story approaching epic is so beautifully crafted with perfect rhyme that it could easily involve into an historical song of revenge in time. Kudos for such a fine piece!
Ron
Look into my eyes (Poetry) - 12/12/2017 10:26:50 PM
You said:
"I make an allegiance of my love, I will be with you forever.
Through the tough times, I will be there for you."
If this is a true story may you live in peace in love forever!
Amen!
Look into my eyes (Poetry) - 12/12/2017 6:54:00 AM
It would be an understatement to say that this treatise is passionate and all embracing. But it would not be an understatement to say that it is grossly overstated.
Ron
The Tiny Monster (Poetry) - 11/17/2017 8:59:39 AM
Thankfully we have bats for population control of those tiny pests, and bats are threatened as a species as well,so let's save the bats, We need them.
The Tiny Monster (Poetry) - 11/17/2017 7:35:49 AM
Yes the mosquito… scourge of mankind. Sometimes, the cure, DDT, is worse than the disease.
The only way to effectively stop the death toll from mosquito borne disease is to immunize with vaccines against the various diseases that mosquitoes carry. Mosquitoes are essential food for many insects, birds, fish and amphibians. Needed for the natural food cycle. To kill them is to kill ourselves.
Gnats, on the other hand are another dangerous nuisance that we must learn to live with, as well. It is best to take the Buddhist point of view when dealing with nature.
Ron
The Tiny Monster (Poetry) - 11/16/2017 6:24:21 PM
I'm in fear of this slave monster, even though I'm not sure what it is. Can it be a mosquito or fly carrying disease? If so, then their wings do bring me distress and their stingers immense pain.
I can remember (Poetry) - 10/12/2017 9:41:08 AM
Your life history and a poem. And from the look of it, your life has been a struggle. The good news is that you have always moved forward, in spite of the setbacks and disappointments. That is the sign of a strong individual. If nothing else, you could be satisfied with what you have accomplished against all odds. Try not to look backward too much and move on.
Finally, when you succeed in something, God had nothing to do with it. Everything you accomplish will be from your hard effort. You don't need to give someone else credit for your good fortune or earned accomplishment, like writing two books.
Ron
I can remember (Poetry) - 10/12/2017 3:44:12 AM
I think the hope will be found
I can remember (Poetry) - 10/11/2017 11:47:00 AM
I will remember this poem as an inspiration of hope and faith in God. Well done, thank you for sharing!
True Love (Poetry) - 8/28/2017 7:09:35 AM
All very trues. Lines 5 and 7 surprisingly so.
Ron
True Love (Poetry) - 8/26/2017 1:47:20 PM
Very interesting analogies!
