Get my Gun to Cindy (Book) - 10/28/2020 8:28:15 AM
I like historic fiction, especially if it is true to the way things were. Life was tough in the early years of the West. The fantasies gunslingers wandering around and never having to hole up just to survive without food and water except with gunshot wounds is bull.
Ron
Laughing Out loud (Book) - 10/28/2020 8:22:03 AM
You sure submitted a passel of books. And this one, filled with your humerus (ironic, moral lessons?) offerings certainly needed to be included. While people like my poems, especially the funny ones, I've not been inclined to make a book of them. Maybe, someday…
Ron
Zippa Slept Here (Book) - 10/27/2020 5:41:56 PM
I thoroughly enjoyed this writing. Dogs are never with us forever , but Zippa will be. I only have to read a few pages to relive the fun and joy she brings. The ebook version is especially outstanding because all of the pictures are in full color. Love this story and the humor.
Getting The Message (Book) - 10/27/2020 2:54:58 PM
The reports I have personally received for this book are accolades that I never thought would ever happen. It has been described by one reader as the best he ever read and refused to return it to it's owner until he had received his own copy. I was shocked by the fact that he wanted to read it over and Over again. I could never hope to write anything better. In shock, I remain, but highly gratified.
Get my Gun to Cindy (Book) - 10/27/2020 1:47:41 PM
A very interesting collection of western fiction-a satisfying and enjoyable read.
Three for Boothill (Book) - 10/26/2020 10:39:20 PM
I guess i'm kinda partial to the story Camel. loved it, but all five are highly enjoyable reads.
Sundown Shootout (Book) - 10/26/2020 10:16:38 PM
I loved this whole book especially the Hot Damn Story.
Apache Canyon (Book) - 10/26/2020 9:14:00 PM
Some of the stories in this collection add enjoyable humor and unusual tales .These stories are enjoyable and will bring the reader back for second enjoyment. Definitely a keeper.
Run Baby Run (Book) - 4/25/2017 4:03:35 AM
Congratulations on this book. You have it listed as an Action/Thriller that would make it fiction. When I see the word "disabled" before someone in high action sport, I wonder about whether there are government monetary funds inappropriately spent. But I'm not an expert on the ins and outs of the military disability community. Of the disabled people that I know, none of them are military.
By the way. If you declare yourself disabled to get Social Security early, you can't be working. There's a tax break for blindness, but there's no tax break for money for disability (except state funds that vary a lot) unless you quit working. I never declared myself disabled.
Ron
Fallen Ed (Poetry) - 2/24/2025 8:25:01 AM
Hmmm. It took 3 years for this scuttle-butt to wind its way to my attention. Unfortunately, I can't remember anything that happened 3 minutes ago, to say nothing of 3 years. I've been pummeled and pounded, and punched so often I can scarcely see straight. But there was that nympho-maniac who mistook me for someone who wanted to fight her. She dropped me in 3 seconds. I kissed the sidewalk a couple of times trying to uphold my honor. So, how's your decade been going?
edp
Many happies to Be (Poetry) - 10/14/2024 2:31:22 AM
And to think I am still flirting with a 36-year-old pharmacist.
Many happies to Be (Poetry) - 9/15/2024 9:52:50 PM
I sure enjoy reading what you write, Tom. The cadence is spot-on, musical, clever, fun. I can just imagine the chuckles you have putting these lines together. You have a knack for revealing the story to a compelling and often surprising end. Thank you ~~ djl
Many happies to Be (Poetry) - 4/28/2024 10:31:16 AM
No sweeter birthday wish I have read from any source. You are a master poet, Lefty! And your lovin' ain't bad, neither!
Wish I had written that kind of thing to my birthday baby and I might still be married. I remember she enjoyed all those poems I wrote her when we were courting and then stopped when we were married--my big mistake!
Ron
Electric Car (Poetry) - 2/16/2024 11:53:19 AM
You're way ahead of me. I'm still stuck on EV.
Electric Car (Poetry) - 2/2/2024 12:18:34 PM
I love the vernacular like when we used to wind down the winders.
Reminds me of what dad would say only he wouldn't use that vernacular, being a well read man of the local newspaper every day. Still, he would say words like Illi-noise. Got his cars right though like Chevro-lay. Only he rarely said it, preferring Chevy instead. But I think he'd be intensely interested in the Tesla. Great grandpa drove a beer wagon in Milwaukee. Grandpa drove the Auburn limo for a rich man from his farm in Wisconsin to Chicago and back. Dad drove truck. Always looking for the latest technology, yet hankering back for the good old days of cars.
Also reminds me of the old codger who did the concrete park made out of concrete embedded with pieces of colorful glass bottles. He made one concrete statue of a draft horse with the sign: it was horses that cleared this land. The tractor was only good for the farmer to drive by with his latest purchase on the road made by horses.
https://wisconsinconcretepark.org
That last twist was a blast…
Ron
Fun Stuff (Poetry) - 1/29/2024 8:49:41 AM
It seems that couples get more ingrown the longer they live together.
Made me remember when my wife went all out for the 17th birthday party of my stepdaughter who was making friends for the past year at a new school.
Only her boyfriend came. mother and daughter cried.
Sorry, this was supposed to be funny so I'll try to stick to the fun.
Ron
Would You be a Valentine (Poetry) - 1/22/2024 8:17:03 AM
Don't waste your money or your time on Valentine Day this year. don't plan any lavish weddings costing tens of thousands of dollars on a marriage that will last 3 years.
Cuz this year is leap year and the woman gets to choose…
Ron
Would You be a Valentine (Poetry) - 1/21/2024 3:56:33 PM
This is so very sweet and I love the rhymes, thanks for sharing Tom
Pilot Error Blonde (Poetry) - 1/11/2024 9:39:44 AM
You haven't lost your touch. I laughed with every line. Especially the last one.
Keep on cranking these out. It's a new year and we need the good cheer.
Do you mind if I send this on to others?
Ron
Grave Yard Digger (Poetry) - 1/9/2024 12:45:58 PM
I had to wait until the last line to get it, I think.
I knew a gravedigger once when he was 18. For extra money, he dug graves for the Catholic Church on the hill. Tom died a few years ago, I hope it wasn't because he caught the death from it. But it did get mighty cold digging a grave when the ground is frozen 2 feet down in the dead of winter. Makes me wonder who dug his grave? Probably Mr. Excavator. ;-)
Ron
Some where there’s gotta be an answer (Poetry) - 12/31/2023 1:59:05 AM
This is not your usual "knock me down and step in my face" kind
of humor, but you've still got your chops. Tell all your friends in
the county jail that Elvis lives!
Some where there’s gotta be an answer (Poetry) - 12/19/2023 11:50:44 AM
I guess we shouldn't have been giving those women more rights, huh? They can sure make our lives more miserable with their assertions.
Officer, just Tase her and get it over with.
Unless, of course, you are an officer impersonator. Are you?
Ron
Roasting Cliff and Bob (Poetry) - 11/13/2023 12:17:44 PM
I could just see you reading this… Even reciting it from memory at a retirement party for Bob and Cliff! You got quite a few licks in there. And, I liked the last line.
Ron
Roasting Cliff and Bob (Poetry) - 11/13/2023 4:41:20 AM
So, this's your reason for AWOL: in the meantime, Tom, you've been hatching a novel entitled: "Bob & Cliff". A long even befuddled - for me - read owing to some military terms, such as, B1A, etc. One word however should be spelt decently: "decent" for "descent" ! No ?The ending somewhat piddled out... doesn't carry your usual punch.
On the contrary, several lines bear your stamp all over them:
"But Bob and Cliff they seen some of it, drank most of it, and can’t remember none of it" // "It’s that peaceful serenity of sleep on the job that you’re gonna miss the most,"...and so on.
All in all, enjoyable though slightly tedious at times. Were you thinking of Laurel & Hardy perhaps dawdling at the air-base ? Best to the Boss-Lady as well ! TW
Not Guilty this time (Poetry) - 9/24/2023 4:30:51 PM
I used to be such a good girl, Tom!! LOL!!
Love ya!
Jane
Not Guilty this time (Poetry) - 9/23/2023 8:39:27 AM
Cops don't buy donuts. They get them free along with coffee at places that think by catering to the cops to come by they will be safer.
Otherwise mistaking powdered sugar for cocaine was a hoot, and the savvy of your hero in court was cute.
Reminded me of what I told the judge about how the officer in the unmarked car pulled me over on the interstate for passing him on a lovely Mother's Day after visiting my mother with my car easily capable of much faster than I was driving, only about 80 just minding my business. I told the judge, "How dare you ruin my wonderful Sunday drive?" He didn't answer me at all. Just took my no contest plea and my money.
But just before, a young man who had ridden a motorcycle that he stole over a bunch of lawns while being chased got a tongue lashing from the same judge. I expected him to retaliate to what I said, but he didn't.
Ron
Not Guilty this time (Poetry) - 9/23/2023 3:23:14 AM
Hey, there, Tom ! Looks like you're hell-bent on earning a long "sejour" in the hot seat behind bars - including the one where you were first "drugged" - no use excusing yourself to the Judge about the public force not being well-looked after. Serves you right for drinking cheap prohibition liquer. Imagine complaining about gobbling week-old do-nuts. Guess what they'd serve you for the next twenty years - at the least, for your dazed sense of effrontery ! Once again you are incorrigible...but the guffaws are still muffled. Let's hope they'd break out in stitches the next time. It splits the sides, nevertheless. ENJOYED. Every good wish to the Boss-Lady as well. TW
Answer your Cell Phone (Poetry) - 9/16/2023 8:49:17 AM
I feel your pain and your phone ringing in my ears. The last time I had a clear phone service must have been years. Glad I don't have a cell phone, but I still get stupid calls.
While I was commiserating with you, I read that word, candy dates, and cracked up!
You shouldn't send me those funny bombs. Libel to have a heart attack.
Ron
Answer your Cell Phone (Poetry) - 9/16/2023 7:38:40 AM
I'm not saying anything,Tom, until...well, until you stop writing not-so-very-funny stories: i'm the guy who's calling you just to rile/rub you up the wrong way. Time you got serious again ! This's the last warning... Best. TW
Answer your Cell Phone (Poetry) - 9/16/2023 1:40:39 AM
Most are scam calls nowadays. I usually don't pick it up when I don't know the caller. I would let it go to the beep and they usually won't leave a message anyway. If the same number called too many times I would block it.
Sandie :)
More Golden Years Look Out ! (Poetry) - 9/14/2023 4:12:00 AM
If I could remember what I did yesterday, this would probably be it.
See ya down at the County Jail.
More Golden Years Look Out ! (Poetry) - 9/13/2023 9:56:48 AM
You really cracked me up. Especially that "half of the peace sign." ;-)
You've captured just about anyone who doesn't die early of car accident, gunshot wound, cancer or heart attack leaving a good-looking corpse. But the rest of us get it, because we are in it.
Ron
More Golden Years Look Out ! (Poetry) - 9/12/2023 10:32:43 PM
You're at it again, Tom: pell-mell, hammer and tongs ! Looks like you won't let the ol' Boss-Lady alone, but worse still, you're taking on the whole Police force:
"See, I don’t think I’ll need it, there’s lots of cops in town,
But I forget they’re busy texting, and don’t hear what you say,
So ain’t no need to write it, They cain’t read cursive anyway,"
If I were you, I'd leave town in a hurry !
No use telling you what to do: Alzheimer's got you anyway.
It's a surprise you manage to keep to the same tune from start to finish.
Immensely ENJOYED but hope you won't over-do it, cos the Boss-Lady might just call 911 to have you interned ! Not that it matters - you wouldn't know the difference hollerin' at the jail-keepers !
BEST. Great you're back swinging that paw... TW
The Dark Side of Ninety (Poetry) - 9/8/2023 11:12:55 AM
An authentic gem, Tom! This is a keeper if I’ve ever seen one. May I send it to my brother who is older than me, and I’m plenty old enough find absolute glee, here in your account of how old it can feel, ‘cuz what you have said is 1,000% real. Write back your permission, I mean it*. ~~ haha ~~ djl
The Dark Side of Ninety (Poetry) - 9/7/2023 1:19:23 PM
Happy birthday and welcome to the 90s. A channel had a whole series on you the other day--can you act? You can sure act funny, even though all your faculties are running out of juice you just keep going like the Energizer Bunny turning out quips that just won't quit about every day occurrences that we can all identify with.
And it seems like medical trips are the funniest. I sure hope that Cadillac surgery ends up with a new truck so you can get rid of that smoker. Could catch fire while going down the road. A horse would be safer as long as you don't set fire to them farts.
Ron
The Dark Side of Ninety (Poetry) - 9/6/2023 11:37:05 PM
There's no denying it, Tom, this time you got it all as RIGHT as the kid from next door did !!! Hi..l..H..L...l..AAA..RIOUS !!! What you badly need is that CADILLAC surgery on your rocker: and comparing the ol'Lady at the DMV to the BOSS-LADY wife can at last get you the ear-tweaking you most certainly earned, but then what's the use, you won't know-see-or-hear the différence; so you may as well rot in your rocker all alone on your 9inetieth (that "9" is a NINE, no doubt about it) EAR !!!!
Have yourself a bash of a lonely BIRTHDAY looking into the mirror, Tom!!! Many happy returns of the Day!!! Make it up to your better-half when she gets back from the Walmart: she might by mistake bring back a cake ! You never know, you ol' Gheezer !!! Best. TW
Me Versua the Candidate (Poetry) - 9/5/2023 9:42:05 AM
Great poking fun at the way politicians curry (they stole that word from our horses, dammit!) our favor asking for bucks and votes so they can leave us behind and join the ranks of the wealthy without having to work like the rest of us.
Those quips are really great.
Ron
Doctor Appointment (Poetry) - 9/4/2023 9:46:26 AM
I love it!! The time allotment for an appointment has shortened from when I was a R.M.A.. "The times they are a changin' "...........
Love ya!
Jane
Me Versua the Candidate (Poetry) - 9/4/2023 9:28:13 AM
"The parasites in Washington"!! 'Love it!! I'll leave it at that, dear!
Love ya!
Jane
Me Versua the Candidate (Poetry) - 9/4/2023 7:29:58 AM
Hi Tom, your new format - with the inner critical space - is a refreshing departure from your usual couplets. Like it: so you, too, want to have a dig at the viscissitudes of the polls, a theme that seems to hound AD commentators, especially since the duo Trump-Biden have taken hold of the centre stage. Good that you focus attention on the outsider who could just as well be the subject of scrutiny. In the ultimate analysis, WHO isn't grist for the satirist's venom ? Enjoyed.
Best to the Boss-Lady as well (ONLY don't make the mistake of putting her under your scalpel even as a joke !!!). Best. TW
Doctor Appointment (Poetry) - 9/2/2023 9:34:15 AM
As usual, your punchlines are not only hilarious, sometimes, they are the gosh awful truth.
This morning, I went to my insurance website to figure out whether I was going to file for reimbursement online, email it or something else. I like chat because I don't have to listen to some fast talking South Asian, or worse, a computer Catch-22 pleasant AI voice.
So I entered their chat room and wrote my statement/question?
Their reply: "We are out for the weekend. Please read the facs and commonly asked questions. If you don't get your answers, chat will be open again on the first weekday Monday through Friday 8 AM to 5 PM when we are in the office."
I will be sure to see if I can chat on Monday, Labor Day. They said they were going to be in on Monday, didn't they?
Ron
Doctor Appointment (Poetry) - 9/2/2023 5:47:23 AM
Hi Tom ! This isn't one of your usual cutting quips but it surely is a welcome reminder of the vagaries of Internet control over one's time and hopes and nerves. So true as everybody can testify at one time or another. Guess you need to see that doctor badly - soon. Some medecin-men or voodoo-jugglers are just as good as those who treat patients on a Charlie Chaplin industrial nuts and bolts fast-rolling strap... Hope you recover on your own. Best to the Boss Lady as well. Happy weekend! At least, Monday's a holiday State-side! TW
Off We Go (Poetry) - 8/4/2023 1:57:45 PM
Your words captured my heart and squeezed it. Your wife and you were certainly meant for each other! Such a beautiful and uplifting message here!
Love ya!
Jane
Hoots for the Boots (Poetry) - 8/4/2023 12:55:47 PM
You are so right about getting the boots to fit! Write on, Tom!!
Love ya!
Jane
Off We Go (Poetry) - 7/21/2023 7:02:20 AM
Reading this poem of yours was a romping ride of goodness in this early morning hour. Very enjoyable, Tom. Thank you ~~ djl
Off We Go (Poetry) - 7/20/2023 12:03:58 PM
Now I know where you get your good humor. Fran is always there behind whatever you write. She approves and knows that you just can't help yourself when you have to write your twisted tales of foibles and fables. The ones we love so much.
And 62 years together ain't bad. My folks made that exact number 'afor my dad passed too early with a hospital bug he shouldn't have acquired. But I think you two are goin' for the record. I can see her whispering in your ear and you are delighted what she is whispering.
Ron
Off We Go (Poetry) - 7/20/2023 8:29:13 AM
Hi Tom, this isn't your usual take on the sagging side of LIFE and its lopsidedness, but the "unreading" local crowd will forgive you for the personal tribune for we all can clearly see WHO is holding the GUN while you were writing your own obituary. One needs a BOSS-LADY to last out sixty years or more of not-talking-back, I guess. Congrats Tom for making it up to here together !
Hope you put in together another 60ooooo..... Best. TW
Hoots for the Boots (Poetry) - 7/16/2023 11:09:12 AM
Good to see you back. From the front, of course. I was a bit worried. Yes, buying online can be a bit amusing and not convenient at all. Seems like every Tom Dick and Harry gets your email address looking to do a little boot licking for your hard-earned cash.
You got in a few good licks with this one. I never wore boots, except those rubber ones for snow. The closest that I got to old West wear was those moccasins with plastic soles I made in Boy Scouts and wore around the house as bedroom slippers until I couldn't walk no more. Bare feet reverting to my childhood suits me just fine now.
Never had no need to wade through cow shit, rattlesnakes, anchor my heels in the stirrups, have a place to mount my spurs, or show off my designs at Billy Bob's in Fort Worth.
Suggest next time you mosey on down to the South Loop across from NRG Stadium where the Boot Barn still exists, I believe. And you get the finest custom-made boots for your toes' desire. My loafers all have steel toes so I can ram reluctant doors open.
Ron
Hoots for the Boots (Poetry) - 7/15/2023 2:12:55 PM
Oh that's what you've been doing, Tom, all the time you've been away: "buying boots". Try buying books instead; less of a hassle. Glad you're back. Your absence has turned AD into a burial ground with Monseigneur Ron in-charge of the last sacrements. You'll both need boots alright to kick the bodies into the gaping pits ! Your humour here drags a bit, but not the witticism. Hope you'll brighten up the site with your usual macabre mumblings under your breath !!! Best to the Boss Lady as well. TW
Pierced at the Bar (Poetry) - 3/14/2023 2:24:20 PM
At first I thought you were headed for video games and virtual reality. But your excursion into your favorite watering hole certainly gave you a bit of current reality. I myself don't see the need for all the tattooing and piercing going on. Most of those rings I don't think were made for grabbing while riding by on the merry-go-round, but some could be used like farmers used to do with their bulls to keep them in line with that ring in their nose.
Why any woman would want to have a man controller with rings nobody knows.
With you even the ordinary is damn funny. Now I still wonder, how did you get in her shirt to see those rings on her nipples. Did she show you, close-up?
Ron
Pierced at the Bar (Poetry) - 3/14/2023 8:43:07 AM
OMG! This is a 5-star on the fun charts
a 5.5 of the funny charts,
and a grand-slam 5.6 on the 5.6 chart!
Pierced at the Bar (Poetry) - 3/12/2023 10:22:19 PM
Hi Tom ! Up to your tricks again! I don't know what "in my cups" or "3x" mean, but I get the general idea. You shouldn't go throwing darts on nipples. Now, just think what Boss Lady would have to say. More accidental disasters on the home front can be expected from now on, I guess !!! Enjoyed as usual. Thanks for keeping this short and sweet...Best. TW
Sow Belly and Fat Back (Poetry) - 2/23/2023 7:03:13 AM
A Mark Twain come alive ! Them student guys with loans will come a-looking for ya with pigs' hooves, though. Here, in Paris, right in the centre of town, there's a "Pig's Foot/Hoof" restaurant (pretty pricy) - better keep your job leveling the road to slaughter-house -just in case.
Much enjoyed even if I'm an inveterate vegetarian. Best to the Boss-Lady as well; TW. P.S. So your right hand has healed. Good for beating the Boss with pigs'...
Mortgage Loan (Poetry) - 2/20/2023 11:05:44 AM
That last line was a keeper! You have lost the knack. When it comes to organ donation's marketing you aren't a quack.
My credit isn't very good based on a stupid move I made in 2010. What am I going to borrow money for in my future? Maybe I'll need some for a brain transplant. Will you lend me the money, you have my word that I will quickly pay you back before next year when I die.
Liar, liar pants on fire--me…
Ron
Mortgage Loan (Poetry) - 2/20/2023 3:25:45 AM
Hi Tom ! Enjoyed, best of all couplets this:
"A high risk is the brain, many forward this suggestion,
If it were used in politics, it’s value is in question,"
The question is, Is it ?
Further, "UAGA" ? Guess it stands for "Used Appendages/Apps Given Away".
Hope your "right hand" is on the mend. If it's not, mortgage it right away. Best to Boss-Lady as well. TW
She Used to be a Counselor (Poetry) - 2/11/2023 9:52:17 AM
I can see you are back on track, I cracked up at almost every line. Finely tuned humor doesn't get any better than this. I would love to see this routine on AGT. Simon would stand up, Howie would howl, Heidi would fall in love and Sophia would scowl.
Ron
She Used to be a Counselor (Poetry) - 2/10/2023 10:47:18 PM
You're right, Tom, you do serve as a "bad example" alright. Poor Boss-Lady has much to regret following your horse-humping fears and tumbles. I was going to ask (well, just being curious), if Boss-Lady was not one of the AA reformers who tried to help out with the brand of whiskey you were guzzling. If she was, well, you lucky Devil, you got stuck for GOOD !!! Best to both. TW
P.S. "Confessional poetry" on authorsden (check with Liz Barstowe) has been outlawed, taboo-ed.
Bananas (Poetry) - 1/31/2023 2:49:28 PM
Tom!! It's so good to be reading you again!! Hugs!
Love ya!
Jane
Bananas (Poetry) - 1/31/2023 10:56:16 AM
I had to chuckle at that last line. So that's where you've been, off on vacation to Hawaii. We go bananas right here in Texas, Houston, don't you know? They don't get over about 12 feet and a stepladder will get you a bunch off of them if they get through the winter without a freeze. Requiring about 13 months to ripen.
Fasting is working for me. Got a banana today for lunch, but won't eat anything until tomorrow morning when I'll have oatmeal, raisins and nuts.
Ron
Bananas (Poetry) - 1/31/2023 3:08:50 AM
Hey, Tom, that's new, they must grow them tall as the Eiffel Tower in the Pacific (State Side). Where I come from - in the East Indies - bananas hang down one's throat: even children can pick them without shaking a leg. Besides, banana leaves don't stink. Indians use them as plates after subjecting them to "sprinklings" of plain/rain water.
Guess your Hawaii-an chum was pulling your leg to get you to fork out bucks!!! Best to the Boss-Lady, too. TW
Outta The Box (Poetry) - 1/24/2023 6:28:48 PM
I'm on your side!! Good one!!
Love ya!
Jane
Outta The Box (Poetry) - 11/6/2022 11:19:59 AM
You got my insides turning outside with which side was what side. Truly creative humor if I ever read it.
From the book on the subject, one of the most famous proponents who recently retired or died as I recall, had a team of men try to figure out how to get a ping-pong ball out of a pipe of the exact same diameter about a foot tall, stuck inside with a few tools like paper clips and paper, some toothpicks, etc.
The out-of-the-box solution was for the men to pee in the pipe so that the ping-pong ball would float to the top and be easily removed. Very few of the teams came up with that solution. Most people I know were afraid of my urine bag with its see-through "sides." As if they never had ever, touched their own pee.
Ron
Outta The Box (Poetry) - 11/5/2022 6:56:54 PM
I was never adept at boxing (the manly art of), nor math beyond al-G-bra, but it seems to me that this pome (sic) would be best read the day after Christmas in the UK, LoL! An M.C. Escher mind-bender, for sure. [Just a good thing you don't have a 'unibrow' (Frida Calvo type), or pointy brow-ends (like the Maestro!)]. Thanks for another chuckles, guffaws, snorts, chortles, grins, and nudge-nudge session, Lefty! :))
Gittin Here ain't Easy No. 2 (Poetry) - 10/22/2022 9:06:35 AM
"Yew cain't git theereh from heereh.” Answer I got while asking directions on the road one day.
With that aside about your title, I'll get to your poem about how hard it is to learn the language of growing up. You certainly have a knack for taking the baby and toddler's viewpoint so well. You must've been there once? But giving alcohol to a kid is a no, no because it can get a kid on a path to lifelong addiction.
Two thoughts: my younger brothers started talking to one another in their crib. When they were about four, they could sing "I want to hold your hand." Almost perfectly with harmony, but when they talked, they had a way of speaking all their own, sometimes talking to one another and you wouldn't even know what they were saying.
And, I once allowed a marketing professor to have a room in my small two bedroom apartment while he was transitioning back to Fordham University where he had a position in the fall. Every evening he would call his single daughter, a marketing executive in Manhattan, and talk to her in baby talk. It seemed really weird to me.
Oh, and I know the difference between number 1 and number 2. ;-)
Ron
Gittin Here ain't Easy No. 2 (Poetry) - 10/21/2022 5:04:47 AM
this was very clever. i enjoyed every line, esp about the childbirth without mentioning it. that was brilliant! thank you, Tom.
Gittin Here ain't Easy No. 2 (Poetry) - 10/21/2022 2:19:43 AM
Yes, enjoyed the "baby-talk", Tom, but it does take time to disentangle
the succession of points of view. I haven't read n° 1, though. Interesting that good ol' baby had already his own lingo all-made before colliding head-on with his Papa's. Mama's role though - in your perspective - is merely secondary... I wonder what Madame la Boss-Lady would have to say about that !
Memory Salad (Poetry) - 10/12/2022 4:13:38 PM
ahahahaha i'm clapping and laughing. perfect way to start my day. always, thank you for the laughs.
Memory Salad (Poetry) - 10/12/2022 1:38:39 PM
Man! That sure was memorable! Damn, forgot what it was about. Was it worth remembering?
No doubt, no doubt.
Ron
Memory Salad (Poetry) - 10/12/2022 12:24:14 PM
Well knit together, Tom, but somehow the unexpected - even the last couplet - seems a bit redundant to me. Don't worry, the gang will be around in a minute to buck you up. Best to the wife. Hope you noted this down. TW
Spike (Poetry) - 10/6/2022 9:36:23 PM
aww Spike, you are so warm in our hearts.
Spike (Poetry) - 10/5/2022 8:43:02 AM
Written in true dog fashion. You are a connoisseur of dog behavior.
Reminded me of Schatz (Schatzee, German for sweetheart) the stray mom took in who had many litters of pups we had to get rid of because no one wanted mixed breed dogs. But she kept one of her last pups when she got old and died. Pete became my younger brothers' favorite buddy. They build a doghouse for him so he didn't have to endure the cold.
Ron
Spike (Poetry) - 10/5/2022 8:27:46 AM
Our pets are our companions for life. We will love them 'til we're gone and beyond.
Sandie
Dogs Lick their Paws (Poetry) - 9/26/2022 8:36:23 PM
oh my gosh, i can relate. ahahahahaha but my my you have quite a patience. i can't stay that long enough for the miracle cure. thank you for this piece, Tom. you are a genius at warming people's hearts.
Dogs Lick their Paws (Poetry) - 9/26/2022 10:45:04 AM
As usual, while your lines amuse and educate is that last line that is the real deal!
But I still don't know why my dog eats grass and roaches for a snack. If I throw a stick, he looks at it and then looks at me, as if wondering why I don't go get it.
Ron
Dogs Lick their Paws (Poetry) - 9/26/2022 7:28:24 AM
Lickin' feet is quite effete,
But lickin' privates still can't be beat!
Our doggos teach lessons all should heed,
about the foibles of our human breed!
Our complex thoughts 'though quite sincere,
Just cannot beat logic our dogs volunteer!
[As I write this, my Husky winks & grins
As if to say..."My species wins!"]
-------------------------------------
Doggone if there's not a lot of possibilities in all this doggerel, Tom! Thanks for setting the wheels of imagination spinning once again in my increasingly overloaded urban brain!
Dogs Lick their Paws (Poetry) - 9/26/2022 2:21:36 AM
Won't do, Tom, just whining about advertising drudgery... There's no bite, nor kicks, just an ineffective side-kick at some pill that would keep dogs from licking their paws like a certain growing number of commentators on AD. Best if you let Madame la Boss censor your second-bests first. There are far too many rhymers on AD already for you to shine with this limp-paw putdown on poor nothing-to-do-all-day doggies. Besides the poor doggie too looks stumped. No use taking it out on the creature for the lack of wit. Next time, perhaps, to make amends for this lacune!!!
Dog Gone (Poetry) - 9/17/2022 10:22:51 AM
This is just crazy good.
OMG. What a delightful jaunt!
Balls of fire. Sort of.
Dog Gone (Poetry) - 9/17/2022 8:58:17 AM
Why I never had my little guy fixed. Maybe had a problem anyway, because he didn't go crazy for the girls when they got in heat. But he was feisty and a great guard dog.
Wow that perfect job was quite a stretch, but being the guy who checked that veterinarian's taxes would be a way to get even. ;-)
BTW. It's hard to make humor out of something so terrible. Can you imagine being a eunuch?
Ron
Dog Gone (Poetry) - 9/15/2022 8:32:01 PM
God-gone it, Tom, errr...er Dog-Gone it, Tom, you're at your craziest best again. What a guard-dog through castration achieves IRS pedigree!!!
Looks like he bit you in the butt, too, judging by his trans-sexual vengeful grumpiness. If I were you, I wouldn't go about wearing tartan skirts with or without bagpipes from now on... Lilting rhymes to go with it all. Kudos, Tom.
Dog Gone (Poetry) - 9/15/2022 5:12:08 PM
Wonderfully amusing, Tom, speaking as a dog person. I couldn't agree w/you more in comparing (and praising) the relative merits of one's faithful canine companion with the demerits of politicians! The only real impediment to the absolute veracity of your statement is that most regrettably, almost all politicians don't have bollocks to begin with! Zero MINUS zero is not, after all, DOUBLE-ZERO! That said, there are a few politicians who seem to be exceptions, and I have a short list I'd still love to do a 'Braveheart' on, LoL! ;))
Sound for Sale (Poetry) - 9/10/2022 8:03:55 AM
What a coincidence! The damn TV in the kitchen just came on making a lot of noise making it difficult for me to dictate this answer to your clever poem. For the last two days, when we turn that TV off by pushing the button because we lost the remote a long time ago, the damn thing starts up later on its own. The only way to stop that from happening is to unplug the TV. Right now I can't reach even that turnoff button from my wheelchair. Will have to wait for my tenant's help later.
So here I am, in the doghouse this morning struggling and yelling at my computer microphone so that I can tell you my noisy tale.
But what if, all that electric stuff gets whisper quiet and the only noise will be at political rallies, rap and rock star concerts, and fireworks. There will be no way to make electricity from quiet, will there? But it will be nice to hear the birds, tree frogs, crickets and katydids again, until the thunder nearly knocks me out of bed. Now that's one power source we ought to really figure out how to harness!
Ron
Sound for Sale (Poetry) - 9/9/2022 1:05:54 AM
this surely is a perfect piece with a twist of events, both educative and entertaining. you always make me laugh. i, thank you so much for that.
Sound for Sale (Poetry) - 9/8/2022 2:51:59 PM
All that technically sound energy, Tom, to take it out on the Boss Lady yackety-yacketing on her portable. You'll need more than the front-door key to get locked out on the back porch.
It does make much sense though: after all the heat generated by sound. There's the other kind of alimentary type sound that cows in New Zealand are being blamed for climate change, I mean the methane produced from burbs and f.... Rockets backfire, too, so that's how - as an air-force research engineer - you got the bright idea for the dig at the B-L, no ?
Casino Welfare (Poetry) - 9/5/2022 4:04:00 PM
ahahaha thank you for the laughs again. made me chuckle that you are a donator. just perfect to start my day with this piece. thank you.
Casino Welfare (Poetry) - 9/5/2022 9:47:23 AM
My dad was a long time Teamster, so when he retired he got a pension. Had to go to Lost Wages to check on his pension fund. ;-)
Visited one once in California. Had to get there from Nevada and take a boat from the London Bridge (real, authentic, old London Bridge) across the Colorado to get there. Nice folks, took my money with pleasure. One time in Reno, an attendant had to tell me that the slot machine that I just left to try my luck on a poker machine (don't, they have bad odds) hit a jackpot for the very next guy that tried the machine.
In retirement, mom and dad never passed an Indian casino without stopping. Mom set strict limits on what they would spend, but dad got all the jackpots and bragged about them. My frugal little brain wonders what his net winnings were? I'll bet they were actually negative. Only the casino wins and the Indians are raking it in. Reparations at last!
Ron
Casino Welfare (Poetry) - 9/5/2022 1:40:22 AM
I doubt it, Tom, and I do you dare ! 'Cos I've never been in a Casino nor never played the "welfare" machine. Do they really let you have something back from your losses? Sounds odd to me. As usual, Boss Lady put you "back" on track. What would you do without her, though your dig in the "back" wouldn't let you keep your shirt on for longer than a Polar Summer Night ! Enjoyed but not that much. Good Luck next time.
Dancing at the Black Board Part 3 finis (Poetry) - 8/11/2022 2:48:21 PM
Love this little personal reveal. And the rhythmic way you have told that you are so good at. You make a lovely couple, still at 61 years. My parents made it to 62 and at their 60th, I'm sure, they danced a round or two. But you two are going very strong and are headed for 65, hell no, 70 is in sight and that diamond 75 will really set you right.
Reminded me of my girlfriend who could dance to any tune. When I was starting to fail while standing up she waltzed me round the room. We often got the audience cheer for the way she made me whirl. She was a mighty fine, girl.
When I could no longer hold a bowling ball by three fingers at all, she was a champion bowler her own way to call. Top it off at about 75 when she won the state of Texas women's double championship with her daughter at her side!
Whenever she bowled the man would gather to watch her stride, while secretly admiring her onion that was from her dancing pride. Maybe I should have taken her as my bride with her six kids along for the ride.
Ron
Dancing at the Black Board Part 3 finis (Poetry) - 8/10/2022 9:44:34 PM
So all this fussing at the ol' Blackboard - from Owner Dancing Queen to Basket Weavers - just to introduce your Boss-Lady Bowling Queen,Tom! I thought for one moment you were about give us a replay (what with Nick manhandling the Country Crooner's wife and scooting out just in time) of THELMA and LOUISE at their first jaunt at the Bar away from their hubbies for the week-end. So you made it after all safely through 61 anniversaries to honour your Boss-Lady who could bowl you down any time should you dare take a peek or smooch with any other Queen bolting to Mexico!!! Thanks for the pic, Tom!!!
Dancing at the Blackboard Part 2 (Poetry) - 8/3/2022 7:42:30 PM
And to think that for all these years I always
thought that dancing was the prelude to romancing.
But I guess at five feet four you can make of it
anything you want. Toes to toes and your nose is
in it. Not a bad predicament for a rhyming two-stepper.
Dancing at the Blackboard Part 2 (Poetry) - 8/3/2022 3:55:20 PM
and i'm here cheering, laughing, and clapping. thank you, Tom, you left me so well entertained.
Dancing at the Blackboard Part 2 (Poetry) - 8/3/2022 9:50:49 AM
I can see you have a nose for the tall chicks. Careful where you snuggled it during those waltzes a bit. If I was that short, and she was that tall, I would've just buried my nose into it and let her enjoy it all.
Like the guy who pretended to be gay to spend time with top models, some of whom, liked to play. Ending up in bed with one until the coming day.
Ron
Dancing at the Blackboard Part 2 (Poetry) - 8/3/2022 7:09:02 AM
Alright, Tom, we'll all forgive you for shooting your mouth out on this sequence, so long as the third part doesn't dribble down to your shoving the ball down the Captain's gullet. Five-foot four and the grip you got on her...errrr...what? Butt!!! You had better come on with some smooching in the next or we'd all turn our screens off.
Whatever happened to the Dancing Queen??? It all sounds like the guy who made it with the ABBA Queen and bragged about it on the Net.
Dancing at the Blackboard (part 1 ) (Poetry) - 8/1/2022 12:10:14 PM
What an amusing story, staying tune for the next part, Tom. Enchanting, like the old lady dancer.
Dancing at the Blackboard (part 1 ) (Poetry) - 7/25/2022 1:13:54 PM
Salivating for part two!
Makes me wish I had taken up that offer to light the cigarette of a 60s something well-preserved chick who sidled up next to me on the barstool in a gold lame outfit that looked very rich. But I was escorting my 60+ cousin on a New Year's Eve outing in Santa Cruz at Someplace Else. The name of the bar. Instead of getting my 20s something body worked up into a love dance, I had to listen to my long faded youth cousin bawl about how she had recently lost her husband at midnight. Instead of kissing and hugging my newfound, bit faded but still beautiful dancer?
You have caused me to confess: in high school the ugliest girl in the whole school invited me to the Sadie Hawkins dance at school. I avoided her and didn't go. Now I feel a bit ashamed for not having given her something that she never got at school.
I know we think alike, because my next story will be Three Dirty Dances. ;-)
Ron
Dancing at the Blackboard (part 1 ) (Poetry) - 7/25/2022 2:53:38 AM
much enjoyed, Tom. such a gentleman not to leave a lady just standing there. ahahaha looking forward to part 2.
Dancing at the Blackboard (part 1 ) (Poetry) - 7/24/2022 10:11:33 PM
Hey Tom ! Keeping us on tenterhooks, eh? How many curvaceous parts are there to the red-headed "Dancing Queen". Now what would the ABBAs have to say to that apart from the Boss Lady you stached away in the larder?
The build-up here promises much by way of luscious intrigue to come, but since she owns the joint, you had better watch your step, Tom... Until then, all the best! Strange, you didn't take "doggie" to the dance. Next round, I suppose.
Dancing at the Blackboard (part 1 ) (Poetry) - 7/24/2022 6:26:47 PM
Another great one, Lefty! More power to you for even taking up the challenge! Every time I dance, people think I'm having a cerebral palsy episode (or a grand mal seizure, at least). Sadly, wifie LOVES to dance (what is it about wimmin and dancing, anyway?!) and I usually look about as natural as Ed Sullivan come back to life after being dead for 50 years when I try to get out there on the dance floor! [Wunnerful, wunnerful...oops, that's Lawrence Whelk!...RILLY BIG show!] Keep us in chuckles! :)
Gone to the Doxies (Poetry) - 7/10/2022 1:28:33 PM
A dog's life matched to your life is surely a good life
to both of you. Amen, brother Tom. Amen.
Gone to the Doxies (Poetry) - 7/9/2022 4:39:13 PM
thank you for the laughter you have gifted through this piece. i own 3 dogs so i keep giggling while i read. much enjoyed.
Gone to the Doxies (Poetry) - 7/9/2022 10:49:26 AM
A lot of doxie wisdom. Are you sure you're not a dog? And you're right, bringing your dog along is a good chick magnet. Chuckled my way through.
Ron
Gone to the Doxies (Poetry) - 7/9/2022 1:56:49 AM
Watch out, Tom, the big-time dog-food manufacturers would be after you for depriving them of good-ol easy money!!! I like that part at the Walmart...juicy nudes! A long read but worth every bit of it. Or was it after all a noon-day siesta dream of your doggie on the sofa???
The Last Doctor Visit (Poetry) - 6/26/2022 2:23:35 AM
hey Tom! hope you are okay. your piece reminded me of my patients before when i needed to explain to them the procedure rhay need to take and they just give me blank stares. so, i'm pretty sure you were fine. sometimes the blank stares are the cutest face ever. thank you for your poem. nice to think back on those days.
The Last Doctor Visit (Poetry) - 6/25/2022 7:42:39 AM
I was wondering what caused all that smog in California. Thanks for filling me in. And I was wondering what was happening with you not posting lately. Simply worried about a simple colonoscopy (did you watch the video?) can make one lose their muse.
Ron
The Last Doctor Visit (Poetry) - 6/25/2022 6:32:29 AM
Well, Tom, after this line: "And California always goes for any thing that’s stupid,' I'd say it'd be good for your health to move house (lock, stock and barrel - you can leave behind Boss Lady: she wouldn't mind in the least, I'll readily bet) to wherever you can ride bull till they "pétard-crackers"... (a right proper cock-n-bull story this)...Best to Madame la Boss Lady !
The Mutt (Poetry) - 6/7/2022 9:27:52 AM
I didn't laugh, but I sure shed a tear. Fast food will make you fat unless you're on the street. About anything you can eat will put skin on your bare-bones.
Ron
The Mutt (Poetry) - 6/7/2022 1:45:12 AM
Bonjour Tom ! You're laying it on much too thick for my taste. Forced to the point of being boring and drab. Still OK, I guess, from the moral message of being down and out in the company of Man's dearest friend, but the last couple of lines about going upstairs and then down again is a bit bizarre, I'm afraid. Rather tell it the way it occured to me than please you for not maintaining your usual elan and bite.
The Mutt (Poetry) - 6/7/2022 1:30:53 AM
that got me teary eyed. very touching story in your poetry. thank you
Fried Chicken (Poetry) - 5/29/2022 8:49:21 AM
Jimmy got the last word! Thanks for a real good laugh.
With dad's check from the trucking company, I would buy groceries on Friday afternoon and often fry up fresh hamburger and made homemade, crinkle cut French fries for us, since we didn't have a McDonald's in our town. And then, most Sundays, before going to church, she would bread chicken parts with flour and fry them up quickly to get them brown.
She knew the Colonel Sanders trick and put them in the oven on a low heat while we went to church. When we got home, that chicken literally fell off the bone, yet had crispy skin that was scrumptious to eat. We did not have a Kentucky Fried Chicken either. And mom made the best chicken gravy that I ever ate. The Colonel's artificially tasting, too salty gravy doesn't compare.
Ron
Fried Chicken (Poetry) - 5/28/2022 7:57:23 PM
Hi Tom ! Bonjour ! You really have a flair/knack for relating stories in tension-building rhyme - all the way down (until for me who doesn't have fried American chicken in the menu in my upbringing) - to where I get stumped: Who the Hell is Colonel Sanders ? Will you, please, add a note for non-Native non-Americans who fall flat on their noses where the TENSION breaks for crying out LOUD ???
Hound Dog (Poetry) - 5/17/2022 12:35:55 AM
Light hearted and uplifting!
Just what’s needed at the moment…
It made me laugh…thank you…
Diana..🍃
Hound Dog (Poetry) - 5/16/2022 10:22:25 AM
What's that, Tom: "Give me a brake" ??? You mean, you would like to equip hound dogs with Formula One brakes to stop them from running your life with barks up trees. You got a hope, my friend !!! Just ask the hound to shut up or better still smack him one on the hind or else give him to the Vet to put him to sleep... Enough is enough... Enjoyed.
Hound Dog (Poetry) - 5/16/2022 9:32:44 AM
That's a great good-looking dachshund! And dogs love to chase anything moving, like squirrels with their twitchy tales. Short legged dogs are definitely at a disadvantage.
Another wonderful twist at the end…
Ron
Hound Dog (Poetry) - 5/16/2022 12:46:05 AM
LOL!!!! That lil ole squirrel is the instigator. It won't leave you and the hound dog alone.
Sandie
I never forget Cinco De Mayo (Poetry) - 5/5/2022 2:12:33 PM
What a fun way to announce you and your wife's 61st Anniversary, Tom!!!
One doesn't hear this often these days and I am overcome with glee to know of you and your wife's good fortune to have each other!!!
Rock on!!
Love ya's!
Jane
I never forget Cinco De Mayo (Poetry) - 5/5/2022 1:34:15 PM
Great poem!!!
Happy Anniversary to you both!!!
Sandie
I never forget Cinco De Mayo (Poetry) - 5/5/2022 10:01:56 AM
What a great way to announce your anniversary. I'm sure glad she has stuck with the old coot. You know, the one that still can whip out a funny line or two if needed during the tough times to come.
My squeeze of only 29 years keeps telling me that she's going to stick with me to the end and then she's going to "get to hell out of here and travel" far and wide without having to take care of the likes of me in the process. I wish her the best, and am looking forward to an early demise where I leave a good-looking corpse and she is free to fly while she's still young, beautiful and healthy.
Ron
I never forget Cinco De Mayo (Poetry) - 5/4/2022 11:49:57 PM
Bonjour Tom & Better-Half Boss-Lady! Now, I know the truth of how it all happened, You Lucky Monster ! Took advantage of her, and that, too, past retirement age... How did the Diamond Jubilee go ? - if I might be so bold as to ask. Your rather long silence has barbed your musings, and you are back in your old swinging best.
Incidentally, "Cinco de Mayo" is a redoubtable Goya painting in the Prado. Did you choose this title to exemplify your own fate: the helpless outstretched arms of the victim (if I remember right) before the firing squad ? Best to the BOSS as well. Welcome back !
Fallen Ed (Poetry) - 4/16/2022 11:30:48 AM
Poor Ed. Well penned, Tom.
Fallen Ed (Poetry) - 4/14/2022 9:44:52 AM
For that ailment I would prescribe a good woman with a gentle touch. However, if desired, perhaps a more rough one. Cannot do enough for Ed to keep him going and in a jolly Roger good mood.
Ron
Another Golden Year Failure (Poetry) - 3/26/2022 8:03:14 AM
Glad it was the recliner. Although a pain in the ass and pocketbook to fix, not another broken bone that a dog would likely fix.
The last laugh is the best one. May our ailments grow less onerous as time marches on.
Ron
PS. I called 911 twice when I got stuck with my heavy 500 pound wheelchair on my ramp coming out of my van and then, when my pool Hoyer lift rusted off at the bottom and I fell against the shower wall with my caregiver unable to pull me back up. The Calvary came and fixed both situations quickly.
Another Golden Year Failure (Poetry) - 3/25/2022 10:35:04 PM
It must be something in the air. I just stepped on something, my feet flew up in the air, and I landed square on my ass. Now I got one butt cheek a-sagging and the other a-bulging. Maybe they're paying pain forward these days.
Another Golden Year Failure (Poetry) - 3/25/2022 1:02:06 AM
Ahh, Those damned electric recliners, you just can't trust 'em..
nice poetry as usual Tom, I really enjoyed it. thanks,
Steve
Another Golden Year Failure (Poetry) - 3/24/2022 10:47:52 PM
Bonsoir Tom ! I see you got my message about my comment on your last being effaced before I could update it. Nevermind, others did. Curious, I had the same doubt about the last bit that Ron entertained!
I find this post rather flat, though the line about staying plop on the floor quite telling. All in all, I find this piece a mere statement - none of your usual bite-and-sting in it. Are you about to join te club of the "staters of the obvious" ???
Wife Said (Poetry) - 3/23/2022 8:55:14 PM
Fun thoughts from the slightly bearded philosopher,
with a quick with, a dry sense of humor, and enough charm
left to take on an ocean swim--knowing there's a tsunami
coming.
Wife Said (Poetry) - 3/22/2022 12:16:26 PM
I love the irony. Especially the one about microwaving the brain. But that last one I'm not sure of. Is the wife smoking to relax?
Ron
Wife Said (Poetry) - 3/22/2022 5:03:55 AM
Lol!!!! It seems like there's a reason for every one of his complaints. :D
Sandie
Heart Breaking Love (Poetry) - 2/23/2022 12:45:11 AM
This ia a powerful and emotional piece of poetry, made even more powerful
because you wrote it for a friend, so really well written.
thank you for sharing it.
Heart Breaking Love (Poetry) - 2/20/2022 9:31:08 AM
From line 1 I knew what you were writing about, and was waiting for the punch line at the end. And then, I went back and read your opening comment and realized that this was one of your very few serious but also very well written, poems about life.
Understanding the way I felt when I lost my little Pomeranian Jazz to a big black lab mix that had attacked him the year before and he recovered, I know it is like to lose a loving companion like that. It is no less traumatic to have to take a dog to euthanasia to end their suffering even though they put on a good show by still wagging their tails right up until the end.
But I think the dogs have it better than us. The Hippocratic (hypocritic?) Oath and good Christian efforts have made euthanasia of humans somehow a bad thing. But when I saw my mother become angry over her totally confined life three years before (before the pandemic) with many ailments hurting her daily, that she could have passed away peacefully instead of the tragic way she did causing great pain and anguish.
Ron
Heart Breaking Love (Poetry) - 2/18/2022 11:40:05 PM
Hi, Tom ! I tried to leave a comment but the "powers-that-be" censored it saying I had no right to access the page... Tough luck! Next time perhaps.
Togetherness (Poetry) - 2/14/2022 9:38:46 AM
Joyous romping read, like most of what you write, Tom. ~~ djl
Togetherness (Poetry) - 2/13/2022 9:10:42 AM
Always a neat twist in the end. She got what she wanted… To be with him… In jail.
One inmate said to another in his cell, "I always made big money counterfeiting. A quarter-inch too big."
Ron
Togetherness (Poetry) - 2/12/2022 1:27:07 PM
By that same token, Tom, you ought to be locked up, too! You can now celebrate the birthday together - in the prison courtyard.
Where do you go searching such imbroglios to get yourself in a bind???
Red Neck Tech (Poetry) - 2/9/2022 11:01:11 AM
I am laughing because I would just love to throw my laptop out at times! LOL!!! I could identify with the hurdles you encountered!! Write on!!
Love ya!
Jane
Mister Harris again (Poetry) - 2/9/2022 1:02:56 AM
Hi, Tom, looks like deliberate "cheating" here:
"Your honor he admits he didn’t see it, can we give his wife a call,
Well now she ain’t my wife you know , just live together’s all,"
It's alright misleading the reader just for fun, but the reader without time to waste will want you arrested on a misdemeanour, I'd say. Your skill in weaving a plot, however, never fails, excepting in court if you knew how short-tempered judges can get... Enjoyed nevertheless.
Mister Harris again (Poetry) - 2/8/2022 2:17:37 PM
Surprise ends are better than dream endings.
You sure had me till the last line.
But I'm still not certain what's on Becky's birth certificate...
Mister Harris again (Poetry) - 2/8/2022 1:02:25 PM
You sure had me on a string. I didn't see it coming when I was zinged by that last line. Had to go back and read the whole thing to put it in perspective.
The first thing I thought of was the great Shakespearean British actor, Richard Harris, singing, "MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark!" It took so long to bake it, and then Becky had to go take it, Judge, can you prosecute her for having the evidence stuck to each of her jowls?
Ron
No Talking (Poetry) - 2/5/2022 4:52:31 PM
Playful, fun and respectful at the end. ~~ djl
No Talking (Poetry) - 2/4/2022 12:38:07 AM
Mum's the word
Now don't flip me the bird!
No Talking (Poetry) - 2/3/2022 10:46:36 AM
Well, well, Senor Don Ron, what's the secret? Is that "only" sign you and Tom share and share alike: Is it the French "poke in the sky"? - that even demure Mademoiselles use while driving around town with the mobile yapping away, seductive and torrid ? Could very well be the "E-motion in motion" attributed to Mae West!!! LGBTQs are more discreet; they use the "fist" instead of the French "finger". No wonder driving is such fun! Genie in the bottle!
Tom, is this the second "saynète" creeping towards the ultimate Satyr Play?
No Talking (Poetry) - 2/3/2022 9:57:09 AM
You hand sign illiterate! ;-) I'll be damned if that's the only hand side that I know, too!
I guess it couldn't be my Jeanie. She never worked as a waitress. She gave all kinds of messages when she danced--still does.
Ron
Home Life Not! (Poetry) - 2/2/2022 7:52:33 AM
Well penned, Tom. I think some people must enjoy conflict.
Home Life Not! (Poetry) - 2/1/2022 2:14:34 AM
I gave up on football until I watched the Chiefs reign and swirl down the drain. Now I am finished with that game forever. Besides, I don't like beer. I'm a wine kind of guy. How do you find the time to write with all that fixin' goin' on? Not me. but inquiring minds want to know.
Home Life Not! (Poetry) - 1/31/2022 11:47:52 AM
Home on the range ain't what it used to be. I remember 30 years of doing it all myself without a partner to pitch in. Kept a fine house and yard. Cooked and ate my own meals. When women did move in we shared easily. Dumb fools who marry for a maid and cook are headed for trouble down the line.
Like how you threw in the kid who couldn't learn if he couldn't text (we didn't learn neither without passing notes in class). And, how you treated the princes in high school. I had one of those as a stepdaughter. Never entered her room. Had no desire to going up that mess of mice, roaches and ants. More power to them!
But I feel for you anyway.
Ron
Home Life Not! (Poetry) - 1/31/2022 12:17:04 AM
Hey, Tom, what's a home without the bitching and hollerin'??? DULL !
Between the hubby and the "hussie" a good reason to make up (during the weak-ends) if one or the other gives up his or her self-righteous rights. Give up watching "football" games and beer for "rugby" on the sofa! Put the daughter in the trash can: they are not worth the breeding - the fat lumps! Take care of NUMBER ONE (not YOU) but the slave at your beck an' call. You can then do the ironing on her back...
Enjoyed. You should turn this sketch into an one-act play and then into a "satyr play". And live happy ever after. Madame la Boss would naturally approve!
Red Neck Tech (Poetry) - 1/29/2022 8:01:39 AM
Sometimes it bees that way, don't it? Never got that mad to get destructive with any blasted equipment. But I was mad at the people who assume so many things about their customers that are totally wrong. Why are these "short" surveys so dern stupid and long? To get our information to send us more business ad come-ons!
If you don't upgrade, you die. It's a known fact.
Your writing' program has a nasty glitch. It puts a space after words that are followed by a punctuation mark , like this . Tell the dumb machine to fix it!
Ron
Red Neck Tech (Poetry) - 1/26/2022 3:38:51 PM
Delightful, a glorious repellation of the repellant technology that I for one love and lament. Witty, gleeful, accurate. Your cleverness is always by your side as you write…much as a faithful dog can be. ~~ djl
Red Neck Tech (Poetry) - 1/26/2022 2:07:51 AM
Bonjour Tom! You got it all right digging up and posting what ALL of us (excepting programmers) think/thought and cursed under-breath, ALL victims of the need to click and clap one another at the wink of an eye, this terrible need/angst for being acknowledged and appreciated. Aren't we all slaves to our own egos???
I must say (for one who pretends to shy away from the nitty-gritty of technology: 'They say you gotta be computer literate which I surely ain’t,
And make sense outta computer language , which I surely cain’t,' ), here in these lines you are back in your own special vitriolic takes on your fellowmen's foibles (might I say as a NASA engineer yourself) with almost perfectly tuned sense of rhyme, counterpoint and repartee (you who in your bio despised well proof-read texts and grammatical chastity) - What got into ya, Tom? Second thoughts about yourself, Tom??? One for the future "chrestomatie"!
Guard Dog Arrested (Poetry) - 1/22/2022 11:46:42 AM
This one grabbed me where it hurts. The lawyer don't have a case to sit on.
On the other hand, turning your dog into a vicious attacker can backfire when it chases down and maims a young child only wanted to "pet a doggy."
Ron
Guard Dog Arrested (Poetry) - 1/21/2022 3:06:08 AM
Hahahaha!!!! Mr. Taylor left evidence behind. Guess he can't wiggle himself out of Ole Sailor's jaw this time.
Sandie
Guard Dog Arrested (Poetry) - 1/19/2022 7:44:59 PM
Another very amusing one, Tom, delivered in your ineffably entertaining style. You've managed to humorously draw together two subjects that interest me greatly: dogs and lawyers. The first, marvelous creatures that have been helpful and beloved human companions for thousands of years throughout recorded history, and the second, a scurrilous, parasitic and usually intensely disliked scourge of 'civilised' (note: extremely irony implied) humanity that have existed only (thank gawd) a few hundred years! I am reminded of an offensively old joke (in bad taste) that asks "What is the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer on the freeway?" (The answer is, of course, the dog has skid marks leading up to it...). Bless the doggos, blast the barristers! -K2
Memory Salad (Poetry) - 1/18/2022 8:21:26 AM
Another nice twist at the end. Losing memory can be fun. Occupies a lot of the extra time we have every day, doesn't it? When you bring your wife into the dialogue, you could be a standup comedian and have probably done that.
Good comedians with snappy one-liners live long and happy. But it's probably those Jewish genes that really do the trick. ;-)
Ron
Memory Salad (Poetry) - 1/17/2022 1:59:23 AM
Tom! You are a riot!! I enjoy your story/poems so very much!!
Love ya!
Jane
Dog Talk Back (Poetry) - 1/16/2022 1:50:16 PM
You what Tom, it wouldn't surprise me a bit if that's exactly what he's thing.
really well written, thanks for sharing.
Steve
Memory Salad (Poetry) - 1/16/2022 1:43:54 PM
Excellent poem, I loved it, and there was me thinking I was the
only one who's memory was shot,
Keep 'em coming Tom and thanks for sharing.
Memory Salad (Poetry) - 1/16/2022 12:50:12 PM
Well, Tom, you remembered to write this down, so you must be fibbing. In any case, sitting close-up, knees-tight in a church pew can't be that serious an embarrassment! If you stood up to face the officiating priest, he might give you a wink, NO??? Okay, funny is funny as everything from your dripping pen... On second thoughts, the incident can't be that serious considering your age: if you can't get it up...Or can you? Maybe you forgot that, too.
Since the Boss-Lady is to blame...How do you remember who she is???
Dog Talk Back (Poetry) - 1/14/2022 12:55:40 PM
When it comes to charm you own the farm
Not with a hog, but with a smart old dog.
I have no idea how you do it, but there is really something to it.
Dog Talk Back (Poetry) - 1/11/2022 2:22:52 PM
What an interesting conversation, Tom. We can learn a lot from a dog.
Dog Talk Back (Poetry) - 1/11/2022 11:15:03 AM
You really got inside that hound dog's mind. Hahaha!!! Good humor!!! Thanks for the laugh of the day!!!
Sandie
Dog Talk Back (Poetry) - 1/11/2022 10:00:44 AM
Gleeful again….my face hurts from the split smile sticking on clear through this romp, Tom. What a knack you have with this style of writing. And these clever topics you choose can be relished by most of us reading here. I think a circle of young children would be chirping to you, “Oh pleeeze…just one more!!!” ~~ djl
Dog Talk Back (Poetry) - 1/11/2022 7:15:11 AM
Delightfully funny, Tom, doggone it! It's all there: pithy humor, great meter, rhyming and composition! This one's a real wiener...oops, I mean 'WINNER'! HOT DOG!... :))
Dog Talk Back (Poetry) - 1/11/2022 1:44:23 AM
Back to your ol' back-biting dog-eat-man swing, Tom! Or is it: dog-eat-dog all the way as the two species resemble anyway. Sounds to me like a catatonic seizure of "DOGMANIA" or even "CANINIA"!
Somewhat a tongue-twister or ear-buster, but it works alright and sheds much light on the idiosyncrasies of the two best short-lived friends on earth: one over-concerned with his pampered face and butt, and the other with his itching coat, feet and tongue.
Might also indicate the extent to which Man's imagination is his bane!
Every good wish for a Chinese "Dog" Y-ear! (wonder whether it is). Wignesan
Wanna Bite ? (Poetry) - 1/9/2022 1:32:18 PM
Sure looks like a memoir to me. Describes your happy face quite well. Although I don't think those choppers are original. The wry smile etched on your face matches the poem.
That second to last stanza through me until I figured out you were talking about hot peppers. Apparently you are a connoisseur and I am not. ;-)
Ron
Wanna Bite ? (Poetry) - 1/4/2022 11:36:13 PM
Hi Tom! Sounds like neither, but it could make an intriguing advert for very hot pepper or chilli sauce. Just wait, some firm might pay you a hefty sum to use this in a TV jingle. You are going pl
Dog Rover (Poetry) - 1/2/2022 9:50:50 AM
You are outdoing yourself with each new poem. This one illustrates how fate makes the difference whether a dog is treated well or considered a bad dog and treated very badly. It's not the dog that matters, but the owner who turns the dog into what it becomes.
I have noticed that all bad Rovers are being sent to Mars where they seem to perform amazingly without human supervision or care.
Ron
Dog Rover (Poetry) - 1/2/2022 7:25:22 AM
Well, Tom (and T. Wignesan), let me be one of the first to join that chorus of praise for this plaintive paean to our doggo companions. Of course, I am an admitted champion (also a Champignon, as I am often left in the dark and fed BS by self-proclaimed pundits, but that's somewhat beside the point here) of our marvelous four-footed canine buddies, and you have certainly provided us with a whimsically appropriate bit of TRUE 'doggerel' in this piece (and I say that in the most praise-worthy, most positive definition of that term). Dogs, be they highly refined breeds or the most ordinary of street mongrels (remember that Laika, the Russian female dog that first blazed a trail into space for us in her 1957 Sputnik-II orbital voyage...sad as it may have been...was an 'ordinary street dog'), are perhaps one of humanity's most wonderful (and least appreciated, judging from the rampant prevalence of animal abuse) treasures in this weary, often tragic life we humming beans jumorously call 'human experience'. Thus it is fitting to bring them to mind as we begin this new year and you have risen to that challenge with as much alacrity and certitude as my spirits rising whenever Betty-Jo Biolosky does the hootchy-kootchy, wearing a lampshade and little else! I am sure Rover/Lad...wherever he is now...sends his love to you from beyond the Rainbow Bridge all Good Boys cross, when their Earthly sojourn finally ends. Egad! [Did I say all THAT? Must be the after-effects of all that Noo Yeer's Eve Absinthe!] Anyway, best wishes for a good doggo 12 months ahead!
Dog Rover (Poetry) - 1/2/2022 1:21:41 AM
Hey, Tom, a befuddling bit of "hero worship" for the New Year, if you ask me: What a dog (persona) - or the "Lad" (another persona hero!) - who understands English (I guess American Eng.):
'His wife was on the telephone talking to the pound,'
You couldn't get funnier. Now tell us why the folks patted the dog: just for barking to bring them to the scene and why they (including the guy who roped poor Rover) thought he needed to be welcomed and given a home for "doing nothing" (in his own words)???
Just you wait, there'd be a chorus praising you in a while...
Twenty Grand (Poetry) - 12/30/2021 3:47:47 PM
Doesn’t take long for your clever and playful lines to make me smile. Your style is delightful, your stories, true and/or fiction, are engaging and deliver energy with your treatment of them. “Yeah, I’ve sure tried it and I think it was fun,
But the pleasures meant nothing when it was done,” shows plenty of wisdom in writing what you know. Reading your writing is like going on a ride to a place with lots of newness for me. Thanks ~~ djl
Twenty Grand (Poetry) - 12/30/2021 6:48:52 AM
The best I can say about aging is that eraser that I used to drag to obliterate the past, I now push so I can't see what's coming. But I am certain I like this poem.
Twenty Grand (Poetry) - 12/29/2021 11:38:10 AM
Quite a lesson in your rhyming true story of Bert. I have seen it before like that. Successful people who work hard all their lives to make their dreams come true even when others thought they were crazy. And then not taking retirement but working on.
But once they do retire, something in them finds retirement boring and aggravating. They die soon after.
On the other hand, trucking was killing my father (the food, the sitting, the boredom, the cold and the hot), so he retired at 62. Golfed and bowled in 20 Lane bowling alleys in South Texas in the winters and spent time on the lake in northern Wisconsin in the summers. Twenty years of relaxation and enjoyment of the warm day until his early ailments caught up with him and he had to hang it up at 85.
Ron
Twenty Grand (Poetry) - 12/29/2021 5:06:04 AM
Hi Tom! This's the "secondth" of the true stories. Have you started a new sequence? I'm not kidding I nearly fell off my chair when I came to the part when Bert's daughter and SIL begged him to lay off and handover the Twenty Grand. Perhaps I was sleepy. I usually am but woke up alright to see Bert surrender his life's earnings without the slightest stick'em-up! I came to soon enough when I read your addendum note. Thanks for warning us.
My response to your last true story mentioned Orson Welles's "Citizen Kane" and Elia Kazan's "Viva Zapata". The point is, if either of the two geniuses decided to tell their stories in chronological order without resorting to flashbacks or foreshadowing events to come (apart from other tricks of the trade), such as the "role" of the "rosebud" in Citizen Kane or the metaphor of the "White Horse" in Viva Zapata, we would have been forced to acknowledge merely the passing of historical events. Whatever happened to your artful pen amply evident in your satirical poems??? Every good wish. Wignesan
Twenty Grand (Poetry) - 12/29/2021 2:12:27 AM
Some people work for too long, and then retire, but would die shortly after they retired. It is because they work for too long in their lifetime, and would become lost when not working. People should retire to spend time with their family.
Two employees at my work that knew of were in their 60s, good enough age and beyond for retirement, (in Canadian government you can retire at 55 of age) could have taken packages to retire, but both wanted to work for one more year. They both couldn't make it out the door. Both suffered heart attack on the job and died.
Sandie
A Christmas to Love (Poetry) - 12/29/2021 12:13:55 AM
So sweet of you to adopt a senior dog. That has crossed my mind too. Love is the best thing to give to someone - humans or animals - during Christmas. This is my type of Christmas story.
Sandie
A Christmas to Love (Poetry) - 12/25/2021 11:52:24 AM
Oh this was so heartwarming!!!!! They give us SUCH unconditional love
A Christmas to Love (Poetry) - 12/24/2021 1:36:53 PM
You touched hearts with this one. We had said, "Never again after the last baby dog had to be put down." I had my husband read this. It has been 6 years and I will be 71 the day after Christmas. It is time to give an old dog some love. Thank you for your kind heart.
A Christmas to Love (Poetry) - 12/24/2021 11:06:58 AM
Well, Tom, you've certainly nailed the theme to the cross, here. Very nicely crafted, indeed. However, as the extreme pessimist that I am, I feel compelled to place the below rejoinder. It is not in the slightest bit aimed at you, but rather towards humanity as a species! Personally and all poetics aside, I hope you have a very pleasant and fulfilling holiday!
----------------------------------
That Crappiest Time of the Year
That crappiest time has
Come once again
With Grinch-like regularity,
Never seeming to end!
With E-cards and well-wishes
From plumbers and auto dealers
And messages of false hope
From Christian Priest healers!
Buy this and buy that!
But don’t be a slacker!
Get enmired in deep debt
That’ll drive you near wacko!
Please STOP with the hope
And the optimism already,
And embrace grim reality
That assails us steady!
I’m so sick and tired
Of all the false sentiment
That I’m prompted to throw up
All that smarmy sediment!
So, spare me your blessings,
Your cheerful well-wishings,
And accept all my complaints
Of commercialised pitchings!
The real blessing of Christmas
I don’t hesitate to relay,
Is that one more year must pass
Before it comes BACK this way!
Since the day after it’s over,
All peacefulness ended,
We’ll be right back to killing,
With more cruelty rendered.
Therefore...to hell with humanity
And its monstrous excesses;
Bless the animals instead!
One of nature’s TRUE successes!
A Christmas to Love (Poetry) - 12/24/2021 9:50:44 AM
We know that all pets go to heaven.
And now, for sure, you just got your ticket through the Pearly Gates
also. What a great ending to a lousy year!
A Christmas to Love (Poetry) - 12/24/2021 8:33:53 AM
You know how to deliver on Christmas time! Your very best. Could be classic. If you don't mind, I will send it out to a few dog lovers of mine.
Ron
A Christmas to Love (Poetry) - 12/23/2021 6:27:52 PM
Your words tell a story that should be a movie!! Happy tears flowed down my cheeks!! I hope this is all true and God bless you for a warm and loving Christmas!!
Love ya!
Jane
A Christmas to Love (Poetry) - 12/23/2021 1:13:58 PM
Hi Tom: That's a great feeling alright; all very altruistic, but set against this line:"Christmas is for giving, not a personal pleasure thing," seems a bit contradictory in view of your final couplet describing a picture of extreme pleasure at "ol'Hound sleeping peaceful on my knee"??? Looks like your sacrificial act at giving pleasure turned out to be giving pleasure to yourself.
Nevermind, forget about it all for taking ol'Hound off the hands of the pound-keeper, you did showup the "personal pleasure-seekers" who refused to welcome him into their homes.
Just one question: Is your generous act only applicable during Xmas time???
Okay, forget all the above cross-examination. Sorry to hear the persona's wife also "passed" away. Was he looking for company to replace her???
I think it would be best to ignore all the above and make ol'Hound work for his living by making him go catch a turkey or a hairy hare for Boxing Day, that is, if you paid to bring him home.
Watch out ol'Hounds can howl all night long and keep you up ... If you can't tame him, give him to Senor Don Ron for he has a little plucky growler who has been known to howl atavistically back to the wolf stage...
Have a nice Xmas Eve even if Eve has left home for good... Wignesan
Delivered (Poetry) - 12/21/2021 1:30:43 PM
This is not your usual style of poetry, but it brings to light what most widows of war veterans had to deal with in life after their husbands had died. Good write, Tom!
Sandie
Delivered (Poetry) - 12/21/2021 9:20:21 AM
This is the finest poem I've read of you so far. Not only is it referring to a widow of so many from those wars, it is about a widow from the largely forgotten war where soldiers, near freezing at the front were faced with not only fighting North Koreans, with the Chinese who backed them.
Planting the idea that some of soldiers' letters were held because they contained strategic information that the military felt they couldn't release, rings true.
Usually, the military is very upfront when it comes to bringing information to loved ones. So this one with the sad announcement of Colonel Dyer's demise comes as a surprise, leaving the letter to be buried in bureaucratic inattention.
But as usual, you have provided a twist at the end. This time, the thought that maybe, Dyer had just dropped off the grid, disappointed with the service for not providing more for widows of servicemen KIA.
Ron
Delivered (Poetry) - 12/21/2021 2:00:00 AM
Your very touching tribute, Tom, to your brother and his long suffering wife, and the mysterious ways in which "invisible" lives make thing happen are well summed up in the line: "I almost fainted when I saw the sight" (a double entente here); perhaps, after all, not so invisible as people under coma (Senor Don Ron doesn't believe this's true) can appear even to the "blind" and manifest themselves. How apt a phrase: 'seeing the sight'! Your poetized account is yet another reason why dying for a country for its greater expansive glory [in actual fact, isn't one asked to die for the re-election of its leaders???] (the Napoleonic syndrome) - unless it is attacked directly and lives of the defenceless innocents are put under peril- is a pointless pursuit. Your poem shows up the futility of wars - an apparent departure from your usually scathing castigation of human follies but nevertheless in the same strain. Bravo! Tom! et encore...Every good wish and thanks to the Boss for her wishes. Wignesan
Gittin Going (Poetry) - 12/17/2021 12:39:13 PM
Right in familiar territory! You hit all the key functions of the morning in a single git up morning poem. That is an accomplishment in itself. And I had to chuckle all the way through, couldn't help myself. It's just that good and hits home with nearly every line.
Ron
Gittin Going (Poetry) - 12/17/2021 2:32:32 AM
It's good when you get old you can still find love and humour with each other. This makes me smile!
Sandie :)
Gittin Going (Poetry) - 12/16/2021 2:20:51 AM
Hey, Tom, one of your funniest takes on old age blunders, not to mention green-house consequences thereabouts. Your use of idiolect in special registers makes it all more compelling. How funny can you get is what's left to divine. ALL THE VERY BEST OF THE SEASON and THE GATHERING OF THE CLAN 'ROUND TURKEY AND THE CHEERFUL TALK...Much binding in the marsh, as they say across the Atlantic!!! Wignesan
Sooth Sayer (Poetry) - 12/13/2021 8:45:07 AM
You had me giggling all the way through. Ol' soothsayer done got to you… In a very good way!
I guess you'll have to go check on your almanac. I haven't the knack. ;-)
Ron
Sooth Sayer (Poetry) - 12/12/2021 1:23:55 PM
Very playful telling of adventure. The style is fun, the couplets just right, so much reveal of sight, sound and touch, even taste. Covers the page with great wit. My favorite line (and it was hard to choose)= “I was waitin for applause but they all went to sleep.” Delightful~ djl
Sooth Sayer (Poetry) - 12/12/2021 2:50:58 AM
What's worse than eating an apple and finding a worm in it?
Answer: Eating an apple and finding only half a worm in it! Hahaha!!!
Well, for me, I eat a balanced diet. I may eat a small plate of balanced diet each time for easy digestion, but I eat more frequently so whatever my body needs it still gets its nutritional value daily.
Hey, I haven't got sick in ages! That's how I maintain my health.
Sandie
Sooth Sayer (Poetry) - 12/12/2021 1:10:40 AM
Hey, Tom! As you say, "it may work for some" - you bet it does for a lot of people all over the world. [I do dislike bringing in personal details in comments], but I can attest to it: I've been a Veghan most of my time down here: no sea food, no meat, no eggs (dairy products, yes...) and it works wonders, provided you add soya derivatives to your diet. One caveat, though: you also have to abstain from indulging in "live meat", if you want to play safe!!!
Best of the SEASON to Madame la BOSS as well!!! Wignesan
Life’s Conquest (Poetry) - 12/8/2021 9:15:14 AM
I'm glad you left joke poems for a while. I had never thought of this subject the way you have here. The first thing I thought of was everyone's, "bucket list."
There are bucket lists of conquest like you describe, where everyone is bragging or beating their buddies to the next mountaintop or Guinness world record. And then, there are bucket lists where people give themselves to charitable acts and helping out their fellow man/woman. I prefer the latter. Your poem speaks to the former.
I guess that's why I never engaged in poker games, bowling or golfing because it always degenerated into one-upmanship. And why I encourage all authors to do their best and not try to get a bestseller alright more books than the next.
Ron7
Life’s Conquest (Poetry) - 12/8/2021 1:05:02 AM
Hi Tom, most encompassing in Shakespearian terms, though not wholly in theme but certainly in format to the Bard of Avon's "All the World's a Stage". Another title for yours could well have been: "Conquer Thyself First". Here's the paradigm:
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav’d, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything
....But then, Tom, yours is just as original. Bravo!
Life’s Conquest (Poetry) - 12/7/2021 11:05:41 AM
When I was working in the Canadian government, I witnessed people fighting daily, calling each other's names. They would gather their own favourite friends in groups to attack the person whom they don't like. Even within the group, they would backstab each other to try to get ahead. The politics in the workplace ran high daily.
I was in an acting position. They had borrowed me from the Canada Customs to work there because of the workload they had. I went there but people filed grievances for me to be working there. I gained my knowledge when acting in certain positions. I was supposed to be there for a couple of years, but I went from one position to another, gaining knowledge in between. For me, it was nothing to lose, and everything to gain, because I did not belong to them, my home base was with the Canada Customs and I may go back there any time I liked. People backstabbed me too. But later the department and our levels were phasing out, moving the lot of work to Sudbury which I didn't like to move to, so everyone was phasing out, but you know who stuck up for them 'til the end doing 6 people's jobs? - ME!!! I was loyal to them 'til the end! I was there doing all the training for people who didn't have the accounting credentials and the experience to do the job which was phasing out. Some people did not wish to learn, or some were just not good enough to take on new skills. It was the most frustrating time in my life, but I stuck out for them 'til my early retirement.
After I took the package to retire early because of my husband's illness I found out that my husband didn't really need the extra funds for medical care, as most were paid for by the Canadian OHIP system and my extended healthcare from the insurance from my work. I had time to really sit back and wondered all that striving and the dedication of my work was really worth enduring all that backstabbing from others. If only people would think twice before they backstab each other to get ahead, they would realize that all that striving and backstabbing would just lead to nothing when you retire, just a phase of your life when you needed to work to support yourself. They could have had a friend in me instead. I often think about the people who had backstabbed me - Where are they now? Have they retired already? Are they having the same thoughts that I'm having?
Well, just letting off some vents here. I think you know why. Your poem was intriguing.
Sandie
P.S. Some people would still stay at their misery levels after they've backstabbed me, their characters speak for themselves.
Free Download Not ! (Poetry) - 12/5/2021 7:33:13 AM
ah, yes so now i can see. good one Tom.
Free Download Not ! (Poetry) - 12/4/2021 11:12:22 AM
From my experience, Mary Jane leaves you slow and, gradually going insane and lame at the same time.
Not a laugh, but some good sense in this seed.
Ron
Free Download Not ! (Poetry) - 12/3/2021 1:41:53 AM
Hi Tom! Are you telling the truth when you say:
"Don’t get me wrong, there’s preachers out there,
Most are good servants and teach love and care,"
Since it's "maybe", I take it you were not. Enjoyed.
Free Download Not ! (Poetry) - 12/2/2021 11:20:35 PM
Tell St Peter at the Golden Gate
I might be a little late
I just gotta have another Mary Jane.
The Seed (Poetry) - 12/1/2021 1:17:11 AM
You're not trying to confuse me with that old question,
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Cause if you are,
I'm not gonna tell you. So there!
The Seed (Poetry) - 11/23/2021 5:21:47 PM
When I was small I used to think that moulds were formed on the surface of the earth as it cooled down after lengthy period of time spat out from the sun. We were formed as crawling creatures, but we were moulds. As years passed we became humans. Oh well, that was my theory.
But then again, who put the sun there in the sky? How did the sun get there in the first place? How did the universe begin? Where did the universe come from? Where does it start and where does it end?
God only knows!
Sandie :)
The Seed (Poetry) - 11/22/2021 7:27:53 PM
Great hypothesis, Tom! As always, I enjoy the humor and smiles you bring to authorsden!!
Love ya!
Jane
The Seed (Poetry) - 11/22/2021 8:46:55 AM
I wrote my first essay on the origin of life when I was in the eighth grade. I was proud of that piece. But when I got in my 20s, I realized that praising God when things went well and praying to God to make things better when they didn't, resulted in little than being required to join a cult of God believers. I didn't trust their entire control of my life. Making me free to make my own choices, wrong or right.
In 2004 I wrote a similar poem that you can access here… The link does not work because the poem needs to be reloaded, but the second link should get you there just fine.
https://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewPoetry.asp?id=125914&authorid=3918
https://ronhullauthor.com/poems2004.html
And the story of the same name and theme…
https://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewshortstory.asp?id=15717&authorid=3918
Ron
The Seed (Poetry) - 11/22/2021 12:47:43 AM
Super, Tom. You're back to essentials instead of harping on humour for stand-up comics. Your last couplet says it all, except that if all the Multi-Universes were His own making, the question that nags is WHY? HE or SHE or IT must be a sado-masochist to put everyone in such a dither over and over again about it all. The ancient Hindu rishis call the whole thing "Lila", in other words, a "game" to amuse the LORD up above. One should ask those who create religions with their "certainties" if they didn't think up their "gods" to make more money for their own kind or just lord it over other inferiors who have no direct line (in their unverified opinion) to the ALMIGHTY!!! As you say, let's "come to blows" to settle this riddle/puzzle/enigma...well, probably not worth the effort after all...Bravo! Tom.
Triple “XXX” Sweats (Poetry) - 11/20/2021 8:56:32 AM
And I thought I was getting a good porn joke! ;-)
It is ironic that those stuff face diabetic idiots now have free scooters so they can get around with less exercise? So here I write in my sweatsuit and complain?
When you hit me with that last horse whammy, I had to chuckle. I was wondering why a skinny guy like you would ever need those humongous sweats. Sure glad that eight horses are warmer for it, mathematical dispute or not.
One of your best!
Ron
Triple “XXX” Sweats (Poetry) - 11/18/2021 3:32:39 PM
Well, I started getting pretty offended until the horses came in. :) ~~ djl
Triple “XXX” Sweats (Poetry) - 11/18/2021 2:09:52 PM
Another really tall tale, Tom. Since in your own reckoning you're "an honest feller, most of the time at least", I think you have a good chance some readers at least will believe ya. Their not taking your money and the sweats fitting horses for Xmas, sounds like a Dickens-ian or Disney-ian fairy fib. Come on, Tom, whom are ya kidding???
Ain’t That a Btch (spell check) (Poetry) - 11/16/2021 4:33:14 AM
Hey, don't complain. She's got a free stud service to have all her offspring already.
Sandie ;)
Ain’t That a Btch (spell check) (Poetry) - 11/15/2021 7:01:14 PM
I do love your humorous story poems. You have a way with story telling that invites the reader in and makes them feel a part of or a witness to your tales.
Carly better step up! :)
~j
Ain’t That a Btch (spell check) (Poetry) - 11/15/2021 11:56:34 AM
Hey, Tom, well done highlighting the eternal problem of insemination, abortion (or not, as here), the fate of kids, visitation rights and support for the offspring: the story of civilisation adjudicated by the courts and the LAW to breed hell in the lives of both parents and their progeny leading eventually to the psychiatrist's couch and, who knows, to the asylum...but the beginning made me think you were going to ditch the wife who stood by you through thick and thin...Glad you came to your senses in time with the aid of your cousin Carly... As they say, "DoG" helps those who help themselves!
Ain’t That a Btch (spell check) (Poetry) - 11/15/2021 9:57:07 AM
I really like the punchline, although I smiled instead of laughing out loud. Too bad it was about money rather than puppy love. :-(
Ron
