Zombies are Real... or are they? (An Eyewitness Account) (Short Story) - 8/7/2013 6:32:43 AM
Interesting. The part I don't like is when one officer is telling the other to, “shoot her.” One would think that officers had better judgment than that, although sleep deprivation could cause them to act out on fantasies like zombies in movies and TV.
There are two things I found that could be improved. First, you explain too much which cuts into the value of the story. Let the reader determine what you mean directly from what you write without explanation. Secondly, you might wish to refine the way you describe the wind in a couple of places because it doesn't make sense if you're trying to set the scene to say that something is, “whipping about gently.” [?]
Ron
