The Second Vessel (Short Story) - 3/19/2019 9:50:42 AM
I am leaving the rest of the story to the readers' imagination but I would like to clarify also so, here is a prologue and excrepts from Reena's point of view.
Prologue:
"Reena! Reena! Wake up it is 6am. Let us workout together." It had been 6 weeks since Rekha died in the bike crash but she still did not stop seeing her hallucinations at first, she was scared that it might be Rekha's ghost but then she realised that she is probably hallucinating. They have been together for 26 years, always inseparable. It somehow kept her going on in life. After her parents died, she was her only one in her life. It gave her some company even if there was none but when it went for too long, she was scared that she might go insane.
She tried multiple times to ignore it but it never went away. It was in her head she had to fill it with something else to push her sister's hallucinations out. Lonliness could make someone insane. She decided that some company would help her to get better.
She started dating but it did not help her either. For a while, Rekha's hallucinations would go away but they would always come back screaming at the guy. The guys never responded or even acknowledged her presence, she would start shouting asking about the guys. This convinced Reena that Rekha's presence was a figment of her own imagination. This made her laugh, the cartoons they used to watch together where someone would talk to their conscience or character of their imagination could happen in real life also.
Reena:
As I saw Jithin talking to my hallucination, I realised that it was not a figment of my imagination. A chill ran down my spine. I was paralysed with fear. There was something in Jithin that he could see her too. Rekha's spirit was still around, she had not had the release.
Rekha was laughing and talking to Jithin. It had been forever since I had heard her laugh. Jithin gave her happiness and he could see her.
Jithin turned towards me and got scared. He stood up and turned off the gas. The milk in the coffee had burnt. I still could not comprehend properly what was happening when he shook me. "What happened?" He asked.
I had no idea what to say.
"Relax, we only talked about cartoons." Rekha said. She did not realise that I did not know if she was actually there. How could I have behaved so badly with her all these weeks.
"I need to go. Call me whenever you want to or need any help. Bye." He rushed out of the door.
It gave me an opportuinity to cry. Rekha came to me and asked, "What happened?" She had given up her anger and was genuinely concerned about me. I could not stop. The flood gates which I had always kept closed had just opened.
The Second Vessel (Short Story) - 3/19/2019 8:51:30 AM
Rekha was the mirror of Reena? I like the story, but I'm not sure about the ending. I know you meant something by it, but perhaps the way you expressed it didn't give it the twist you desired… At least for me.
Ron
The Second Vessel (Short Story) - 3/19/2019 3:30:49 AM
Now, I'm curious!
The Second Vessel (Short Story) - 3/18/2019 3:00:45 PM
a very well done story, keep going
budd
Too Ordinary Too Clean (Short Story) - 2/4/2018 7:48:36 AM
A good story. If a rather typical whodunit. Adarsh thought that he was smarter than the authorities, but underestimated the persistence of his friend from school, Gopal, who was in charge of investigating the case.
However, I found the shift from first person narrative to third person a bit unnerving until I got used to it. Also, before you publish you need to have someone carefully proof all the typos. And the many missed question marks that you failed to put behind questions (I do that, too). I believe that Microsoft spelling and grammar checker will locate them. And some of the other errors.
I am somewhat tech savvy and found the tech described quite strange at times, but this is fiction so reality doesn't necessarily have to be served even though you throw in a lot of tech language to make it seem to be authentic. It was strange that the exit point of the "assassin" (?) was not discovered by the police in their initial run-through. Dirt is dirt, and when dirt is removed, it is as obvious as tracks on a dirty floor.
I am posting an Indian story (my first and maybe only) this afternoon. It is nothing like your story, but I did steal one little tidbit--bitcoin--to add to the story before I post it.
I certainly will be interested in your comments on my story if you have the time.
Ron
Superstition Advantages (Short Story) - 2/8/2017 10:49:58 AM
enjoyed the read
MORE please
Never Stop writing!!
m
Superstition Advantages (Short Story) - 1/2/2017 8:53:36 AM
A good story. Shows how planting a superstition can be used to cover up a crime.
If you plan to publish this worldwide I would recommend you getting an editor to convert some of the Indian usage into something a little bit more universal. The last line is fine the way it is, but some people might reject (older, more conservative readers).
Ron
Problems to Solutions (Article) - 3/14/2019 9:19:23 AM
Some very wise perceptions. I agree with you that freeing up creative people from the pressure of problems can result in fantastic results.
To ease your mind though, 50 years ago when I was in college, I was surrounded by mediocre, draft dodging, cheating on their schoolwork, drinking instead of eating, apathetic losers, mostly who were guaranteed jobs as teachers where they could pass on to children their uneducated prejudices and practices. Now claiming to be like the 10% who made America great back then while being a part of the 90% who drifted along on the coattails with no purpose whatsoever except to settle down for life.
Ron
Is it real? (Article) - 2/11/2017 11:13:02 AM
Wild and wacky assumptions.
Ron
Cynic's Conspiracy theory (Article) - 1/2/2017 9:31:55 AM
There are many ways that rich people make money illegally and generally, get away with it. One of the ways to bilk people is to get them to contribute to some conspiracy theory that they really want to believe even though it's not true.
Ron
Miss You (Poetry) - 2/8/2017 10:49:25 AM
holds reader interest,
i look forward to reading more of your work
Never Stop writing!!
m
Miss You (Poetry) - 1/2/2017 11:32:32 AM
I love the irony. From about 1995 onward, I started to see young people no longer taking a walk across campus enjoying the sunshine or rain and greeting other students cheerfully as they thought about what they were going to do next or for that evening. Instead, as they left the building, I saw them bring their cell phones to their ear and began talking while walking.
That practice has grown to where almost anywhere you find young people they will be on their cell phones playing games, texting, listening or watching videos--all interrupted by occasional phone calls with curt messages exchanged and then back to focusing on the phone.
You are right with your poem. Young people are in love with their technology. I think that fertility will probably tank as long as this practice continues. ;-)
Ron
