Blood on the lips (Short Story) - 1/19/2014 8:11:04 AM
Appears to be the beginning of a romantic novel (I may be wrong). Seems to be a bit autobiographical. Are you attempting to create an ideal fantasy? It seems to be irresistible to women (except his wife, girlfriend?). I only know the name of the key character, Keith. Why not introduce them by name initially? Is it to introduce some mystery?
Your writing is quite good. Some of the modifiers are strange or a bit over the top. You've made a few typos… From here on out I won't try to correct them, just tell you that you have them.
"Deny" his request. "And " asked Keith. "From" Keith getting. "Yeah" fell "to" the ground. Not "now" teeth.
I'm sure that women will like reading this better than men.
Ron
Blood on the lips (Short Story) - 1/18/2014 5:40:25 PM
well i must say i will be reading mor of your work
budd
The Broken Writer (Short Story) - 1/18/2014 10:00:38 AM
there are many who feel this and that itself is so sad
budd
The Broken Writer (Short Story) - 1/18/2014 9:00:25 AM
Fills one with sadness, but not much written except heartbreak. Common to many.
Ron
Their time is soon (Poetry) - 1/22/2014 8:41:21 AM
Many can identify with this poem. Makes me recall the time my ex-wife and I were some distance apart in the months before we got married.
Ron
Their time is soon (Poetry) - 1/22/2014 2:48:27 AM
to share this way is a wonderful gift
budd
All that you are (Poetry) - 1/20/2014 10:02:18 AM
This is beautiful. I'm sure they were extremely happy to hear that or read it.
All that you are (Poetry) - 1/19/2014 9:03:02 AM
Makes me wonder who "you" is? Whenever you is, you is one fantastic lady to be all of these things and more…
Ron
