An Elf in Overland Park (Short Story) - 11/28/2016 7:41:57 PM
holds reader interest well done
An Elf in Overland Park (Short Story) - 11/24/2016 7:28:26 AM
A cute story, very appropriate for Christmas. And in the old, PI noir style, with all the right adverbs and adjectives like "ball of pain." Cool.
A couple of writing pointers … In a couple of places announcing the speaker, like when you said, "Joe informed him." Is unnecessary because we already know that it is Joe speaking. Also in the middle of the story, you use he instead of Harry several times in a row. Lead off with Harry in some of those sentences. Finally, I think it would be better to move to action rather than description when Harry meets Sally (no intentional relationship). She should be telling him all the good stuff she's got on Jimmy.
Ron
Halloween in Pink (Short Story) - 10/31/2016 3:44:11 AM
super graphic, I like spiders; enjoyed the tale
Halloween in Pink (Short Story) - 10/29/2016 8:19:44 AM
A likely story. Some people deathly afraid of spiders might like these kinds of stories. I found the story rather uninteresting, although it was quite correct. If the witches were the cause, they should have been fleshed out more and given a bigger role. Geena's solo escape, when no one else did, like those driving through in cars, seems highly unlikely.
A couple little technical things. In the beginning you use the word, "she," many times when writing about Geena. That got better as you progressed through the story. The fireplace has a flue. And putting a fire in it would keep spiders out and probably draw all of the oxygen out of the house with no fresh air coming in.
Ron
