The Genuine Daughter (Book) - 12/13/2020 11:26:46 AM
The Genuine Daughter is the most touching of my books. Maybe it was the way Dannie was raised in such desperate conditions or maybe I sympathize with her more because I have a daughter. It could be both these perspectives. Either way, Dannie was able to climb out of poverty and succeed in life because her mother wanted life to change for her.
Again, waking up from these dreams was often heart breaking to see someone having to grow with the fear and angst that she endured. When it came to the dreams where she triumph over these condition my heart sang for her success. Then she learned about her powers and grew more confidence, it became a joy to wake up to those dreams. Seeing the creatures she had to fight and I woke up thankful she was fighting them and not me.
Dannie is an example of positive influences effecting predominately in her life. Then she takes the positivity and shares it with others through her restaurant and supernatural abilities. She is a caring hero that goes beyond expectations to help others and save the world from demonic possession. It is fascinating to dream of her successes and I hope you are equally fascinated by the telling of her life.
Girl for Ipanema (revised) (Short Story) - 2/16/2025 3:37:41 PM
The story is very sweet, poignant, even held a tinge of nostalgia, which I enjoyed immensely.
How can one not put themselves in either character's place remembering moments in a life that 'could have been.'
I was on my seat with anticipation just as the young daughters caught up in a timeless tale about their romantic, loving father's youth.
I was enchanted with the tale and found myself smiling throughout.
Kudos to the author for touching my heart. Which is not an easy feat as I am cynical and jaded most days. lol. Lovely story.
Blame the Ring (Short Story) - 8/19/2024 1:37:34 PM
A fine bit of flash fiction. I have bowled and set pins, so I can relate.
When my twin brother lost his college sweetheart to divorce after 18 years. It took him a long time to feel comfortable even dating again. But then, he met a woman that matched him perfectly and they spent just short of 25 years together when she fell to her death right in front of him and her daughter from a 2nd floor balcony and died. Roger did seem to be upset and started dating again right away.
Your fictional Mark will do just fine.
Ron
Free Dad Hugs (Short Story) - 11/23/2020 7:23:25 PM
Cancer in the brain can cause a person to go into fits of anger. I have seen people with cancer acting angry at people whom they would normally love. As long as the loved ones are aware of this and not take the anger personally, people need to be more understanding. My husband had cancer and yes, during the final months of his life he became more agitated and was less tolerant. We understood it was not the character of him, it was cancer in his system that had caused it.
Sandie
Unfulfilled Dreams (Short Story) - 11/13/2020 2:03:43 AM
A moving and inspirational story.
The Transformation, which I had nothing to do with (Short Story) - 11/10/2020 11:03:24 AM
I suppose there comes a time when any one of us must come to terms with a dire situation. Your story shows the impact our words have, whether to discourage or inspire.
Sandy vs. Sandra (Short Story) - 11/8/2020 6:58:13 AM
It took a good mudslinging for Sandy's inner light to shine through. That is true beauty. An enjoyable read.
Sandy vs. Sandra (Short Story) - 11/6/2020 3:48:32 PM
As parents grow older, so have their children. Kids don't stay being kids no matter how we longed for them to stay the same. We MUST allow our kids to grow into their own identities. The identities that form who they are and NOT who we want them to be.
I think some tenses need to be fixed up with this story. Other than that I would suggest just allow Sandra to be Sandra.
I have always been called Sandie, my mom and my dad called me Sandie, and I have NOT occupied the name Sandra, and I am fine with my name. I am comfortable with myself.
Sandie
The Lost Little Girl (Short Story) - 11/6/2020 3:33:11 AM
Carol McSue's moral compass steered her right.
The Love of My Unloving Brother (Short Story) - 11/4/2020 1:57:46 PM
Such an amazing story about a wonderful man--your brother!
Shame on those teachers who didn't recognize Joe's special abilities and try to steer him in the right direction instead of trying to box his thinking.
Obviously, he thrived on his own merits.
My Humbling Day (Short Story) - 11/2/2020 12:39:18 PM
There is no such thing as "gay" or "Bi-sexual" or "Transgender". It's all a misguided identity from one's parents. I am saddened about the Transgender people today, they are so messed up in their heads that they think deciding on their own gender is the biggest thing in this world for them to accomplish. It's really pathetic!
It was good of the church to give Chuck the guidance he needed. I hope he was not being encouraged to think that it was okay for him to be gay.
Sandie
Christmas Shopping (Short Story) - 11/1/2020 4:00:26 AM
I trust your wife loved the gifts. You can't go wrong with vanilla/milk& honey.
Moose-Call (Short Story) - 10/30/2020 2:39:46 PM
A beautiful friendship is formed in a lifetime beginning from school years. This is so priceless!
Sandie
Moose-Call (Short Story) - 10/30/2020 8:20:47 AM
A touching story. Moooah!
To My Younger Brother Mike (Short Story) - 10/29/2020 4:53:29 AM
Now I have carefully reread your first paragraph I am beginning to understand what and who the characters are. I don't know why I didn't get that earlier.
I agree with Eva, the Principal would have a bigger fish to fry rather than to chase after a joke. Thank you for sharing!
Sandie :)
To My Younger Brother Mike (Short Story) - 10/28/2020 1:47:36 PM
Having spent many years in the elementary school trenches, I would think a principal would have bigger fish to fry than chastising a youngster over what a frog says. Or, at least not make a bigger deal than warranted.
Girl for Ipanema (revised) (Short Story) - 10/26/2020 10:02:01 AM
It's a beautiful story that kept the daughters guessing. However, you have mixed up past and present tense a great deal. One way to solve that would be to make it all present tense or all past.
Ron
Girl for Ipanema (revised) (Short Story) - 10/24/2020 8:35:50 PM
A beautiful heartfelt story! Thank you for sharing!
Sandie :)
THE DREAM (Short Story) - 10/24/2020 5:20:11 AM
This was a very dark dream. I'm not sure you had this a long time ago or just recently. I don't know what it means as I'm not a dream interpreter, but I hope nothing drastically bad had happened to you after this dream.
Sandie
The Comment (Short Story) - 10/22/2020 8:17:21 AM
A slice of life sprinkled with some humour and love. In my opinion, this is well written. I enjoyed reading this.
Sandie
P.S. I noticed that you did not double-space when separating the paragraphs. It could be hard on the readers' eyes. If you want to separate the paragraphs with double spacing, you can just hold down the "Shift" key and press the "Enter" each time you require a double-spacing.
A Cheesy Romance revised (Short Story) - 10/20/2020 3:16:25 PM
Hi Danny:
It is definitely better than the first draft now. I think you've got the idea. One thing I would suggest is that you can emphasize the speaker's expression on his/her face.
For instance, when Frank called Devin into the office and told him that he and his wife were going on a Toronto-bound vacation the following week, but left Devin wondering what was in it for him to do.
You can write something about the expression of wonderment on Devin's face. You know when you are wondering about something your eyes would stretch wider, and you would look at the person like what's he about to say next.
You can write, "Oh, that's great! Do you need me to do something for you?" Devin asked with wide-eyed wonderment, wondering why he was being called into the office.
Then Frank would tell him what he would expect Devin to do for the next week.
One thing: If there were only two people in a room talking to each other, you don't need to say on every dialogue line Frank said, or Devin said. It is understood by the readers who says what. Just introduce the first two dialoques with the who said what, the rest of the conversation can just be quoted dialogues. Then, once again you can place the last of the conversation by indicating who has said it.
For example: "Okay, I will do my best!" Devin concluded the conversation by making some mental notes and affirming to Frank that he would do what was expected of him.
Also, when the DJ began to play music, it was already loud, and Kevin asked Maryanne whether or not she would like to dance but told her he was not a good dancer, and Maryanne replied she was not a good dancer either. They had no trouble hearing each other then, but after that Devin suddenly shouted out without warning, "Do you need a drink?" - that was quite startling.
Perhaps you should use some gestures to indicate first the music was too loud by Devin saying something that Maryanne couldn't hear so she tilted her ear forward, struggling to hear what he was saying, then Devin would place his hand next to his mouth and shout out over the loud music, "Do you need a drink?" (You know when you try to speak over loud noise to another person you would always put your hand next to your mouth to shout out).
Remember, the expession on a person's face, a gesture to emphasize a person's action, his thoughts, during and after his/her speech is also very important to bring forth the person's character.
I hope my suggestion is clear. Oh, I'm still pretty much a novice writer, so the above is only of my own opinion. I'm not as experienced a writer as Ron, so perhaps Ron can give you more suggestions than I did.
I hope mine helps too.
Happy writing!
Sandie :)
A Cheesy Romance (Short Story) - 10/20/2020 9:54:18 AM
I agree with Sandie. Without dialogue, the writer and the reader are merely observers of the characters without knowing what they are saying to one another except by description rather than action. Without dialogue there cannot be a play, a screenplay, a TV drama, a movie or even a good romance novel.
For an excellent example of how to write dialogue please read the chapters that Mark M Lichterman has posted here. Laura Frailey's shorter stories also contains both beautiful descriptions of the settings and dialogue that fits the setting very well.
Ron
A Cheesy Romance (Short Story) - 10/19/2020 5:33:16 AM
A story with a good ending which I like. This is basically a descriptive story. I think by adding some dialogues to this may make the whole story more interesting. I can see more than one opportunity in this story that you could have added in the dialogues - Just my humble opinion.
Sandie
Nancy’s Dilemma (Short Story) - 10/16/2020 10:50:38 PM
To some, it's a part of growing up. I used to know a friend who habitually steals from the department stores. She thought it was fun. I've gone out with her on three occasions and she stole on all three. I don't know if she had ever get caught as I had not gone out with her since then. People who habitually steal stuff has a psychological problem.
However, in your story, Nancy was able to change her life because she got caught, and her faith had a lot to do too in her healing process to give her the confidence she needed. I hope the same healing process will be applied to her son. Some people steal not because they needed the stuff that was stolen, it's because of the phase of growing up and the mental state they're in.
Sandie
Pete’ Sage Advice (Short Story) - 10/14/2020 3:54:29 PM
I am not agreeing with your view about women wearing makeup. If the woman feels comfortable in her dress and her makeup there is NO REASON for her to change just because of a person's view over a one-night stand. If makeup and dresses can make a woman more confident about herself, by all means, use them! It's her own body, she can do whatever she likes. If a man doesn't like her just because of her makeup and the way she dressed then the relationship is a disaster to begin with. The man HAS TO like a woman, makeup and all flaws, to declare his love for her. Men should NEVER try to change a woman for being herself!
Sandie
Pete’ Sage Advice (Short Story) - 10/13/2020 10:58:10 AM
Far from sappy, your story as a rather "flat" character about it. Very detailed description but little emotion or conversation to carry the action. It reads almost like an article with straightforward, point to point chronology leading to a prescription for middle-aged single women. It rings true, but from a man writer?
You seem to have your plurals wrong. Perhaps you deleted all the…'ses… and then forgot to replace them with single ses. I didn't know that it takes a transatlantic cruise ship eight days to sail from New York to London. Thought it would take less time sailing 24 hours a day.
Like I've been told about my stories, this story would be much better with a complete overhaul, perhaps by a excellent editor that would cost you.
Ron
