Gone are the days when everybody used to look at me and admire my beauty, when teenage girls used to fuss over me and guys adored me. All my neighbours were jealous because nobody got as much attention as I did. My celebrity days! I want them back! I want to be alive again! I know you're pregnant but hear me out! I’m here, down here talking to you. Yes, your breasts! I'm not happy anymore. I'm upset and distressed!
Look at me now! I’m reduced to this sagging old ugly thing. No, that thing I see in the mirror cannot be me! There were times when people used to look at me while talking to you and I would be like “honey, I’m not her eyes you know?” but now I’m craving for that attention. Make me feel pretty, the way I used to be. Youthful and lively, gah!
To make matters worse, my friend just got a whole new sexy look because her owner decided to get a boob job and what did mine do? Mine decided to get pregnant! It's a tragic situation, I tell you! There she gets flaunted wherever she goes and here I am feeding this baby who takes me to be some yummy dessert he can’t get enough of!
It’s always baby this, baby that. I do feel sidelined, you know? I’m the one doing the work day and night like an officer on duty and when it comes to showering your love on someone, that new born gets it all! How unfair is that!
But that’s it. I've had enough. I shall come out of this horrible state and bounce back to normal. Gym, exercises, whatever it takes. I'm going to go in for a hot makeover and then we'll see who’s sexier: me or those fake implants! So watch out for me. Here I come, as young as ever!
Okay I hear someone crying... it’s the baby again. It's back. And wait, do I see a tooth?
I'm imagining that tooth already! A most unique perspective. Difficult to pull off because it's hard to separate from the soul. For men, the soul rests in the breast and not in the heart… If you get my part. ;-)
The red background gave me eyestrain like trying to look down a woman's blouse from the wrong angle.
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V
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