THEY CAN HACK OUR DATA BUT NOT OUR SOULS

By, Myra Wexler Darwish

Raw fear gripped us that Monday afternoon, “Oh my God, our computer system has just been hacked!” “Not us.” Somewhere in the back of my mind I remember thinking, “Oh how vulnerable we are!” 

A whole gamut of feelings flooded me: disbelief, anger, denial, sadness, and the most physically and psychologically uncomfortable one, fear. It was anger though that spoke the loudest, “Why the _______ (you can fill in the word as long as it is spelled correctly) did we let this happen? “Why did we answer that phone call in the first place?” Most importantly, the challenge that lay before us was to remain civil and kind to each other as well as to ourselves in a challenging circumstance. This was a test of our fifty-six years of marriage!

Taken aback, I plopped down in my chair - barely feeling my body. The hacking of our data had literally anesthetized me; such was its power! Being in a state of fear, which I was in, was like having your body submerged in a pond of frozen water while your head is still above the surface. You are able to still see what’s around you, though your body doesn’t feel anything; the eyes can still focus, and the brain though slowed down, can still think. It is a shock, and if anyone has any doubts; it is an assault. For those readers who have had the experience of being hacked, you can probably relate to what I am about to say: it is an overwhelming attack on one’s physical, mental, and emotional integrity. A true security breech!

I couldn’t tell you how long I sat in that chair, but by the time I stood up, whatever survival skills I had went into action. I knew I had to get to the other side of the nausea and sick feelings, and I remember saying to myself through the numbness, “What do we do first?” The very act of trying to come up with a strategy helped the most. Action I learned is the first step to empowering oneself, and I might add, probably the hardest. The body wants to be stilled; it is exhausted from trying to process what just happened. The gravity of the situation weighs in however, and the higher cortical center speaks its truth…”You have to act, this is serious!”

The most important piece of information that I initially gathered was from an article I had saved from the local newspaper: “Steps To Take When You Think You’ve Been Hacked.” Oh, was I glad that I hadn’t thrown it away. The words call, write, stop, change, or gostood out as I read through its pages. Call or go to your bank (s) to immediately to change your account numbers and credit cards; call Social Security office to report potential identity theft, and write a fraud abuse statement; stop/freeze any credit report (s) that might be gleaned from your information; change your landline telephones to a new system that automatically can block calls coming in by simply depressing a dedicated button; and while you’re doing everything at once, go to the police station to file a report, etc. 

Go, do,call, write, change, and stop- we followed each command, as if we were soldiers executing battle plans. Our home became a strategic command center! Never in my life have I appreciated the self-discipline inherent in the armed forces more than the days that followed the hacking event. 

Yes, it turned out to be days, in fact it became weeks before we felt that we were in some sense, on the other side of the experience. We lacked sleep, yet we were able to work with the fear that we were feeling; we didn’t succumb to it. We followed each and every item on the Steps To Do In Case Of Hackinglist, and we learned information that we might never have sought. We know now that credit agencies can put fraud alerts, on your credit reports, or if the consumer wishes, credit itself can be frozen. Banks are open and willing to help you; there are alert systems in place that give the consumer more information and a sense of control. New landline phone systems are available; we bought one at our local big box, and it has given us more confidence in gaining control of the calls that are attempting to come through. 

There is nothing quite as empowering as pushing a red block button when an unwanted call comes through. You strive to have some sense of control over your situation, because it just plain makes you feel human again.

The vulnerability that we felt is endemic to our times; we are all open to a bombardment of information that goes both ways: from us and to us. Our proverbial front doors are open, and if we are not careful and discerning enough; we may let a stranger in whose intention is about being less than kind to us. 

Our front door was opened via a telephone call that claimed to be from a world-class security company; in a vulnerable moment, we then sanctioned Internet access. For others, the door can be opened from an email that fraudulently represents itself as a familiar entity, which is known as phishing. Once the individual clicks on the emails’ website, access is granted. Doors can also be opened while an individual is on their computer and clicks on a pop-up; one click and the hackers may find their way into your data.

Data is gleaned from us daily; we in turn seek data for a variety of reasons. We place information on the social networks to become part of a community, which meets our human needs for belonging. We share personal information that can be extrapolated, analyzed, and placed in specific boxes; in turn, we are categorized, classified, and branded. She is a progressive; he is an independent. He likes to buy her flowers for their anniversary; she prefers to buy her items from ______________ on the Internet. He looks to alternative healing methods; she has a history of cancer and seeks information on clinical trials. She votes in all elections; he only votes in the presidential elections. So much to learn about each person! 

We on the other hand have the ability to seek data from a variety of resources. Want to know the movies playing at your local theater and buy tickets? You can. Have a fractured Tibia and are stuck at home? You can visit the world’s museums via the Web, and never leave your chair. Do you need to know the latest stock averages and financial analyses? The Web can meet your needs. Do you have a nasty cold and want to know the latest information on how to take care of yourself better? The Web offers you information from a variety of sources; some have evidence-based data and others are ideas that are shared in healing-oriented communities. Is learning your passion? You will find lectures that abound with a variety of topics. All you need is time; the data and resources are there! 

We worked very hard to fix the problem, two older adults with lots of life experience and drive; one hundred and sixty-one years total to be exact (I’ll let you ponder on our ages). It would have been easy to succumb to feeling like we were victims, which in reality is what we were. We did suffer given the invasiveness of the event. We did grieve; it’s sad to think we let our normal healthy boundaries be so permeable. We felt pain; it hurts to know that there are such evil-minded people in the world. 

What we didn’t do was to go into a blaming mode; we opted instead on aiming for a solution. We also forgave each other early on, an act that will forevermore stand out as one of the great moments in our lifetime together. You know what you’re made of when the chips are down! 

We moved forward, and never stayed in the frozenness of that pond; we allowed ourselves to gradually feel again. We found strength in moving forward together, never denying the stress that we were experiencing. How could you nothave stress? Instead, we tried to work with it. We ate lighter and healthier meals, took short breaks out our front door to get some sunshine, and visited the flowers in our garden. There is great joy in knowing that the geraniums were blossoming, and that birds were drinking from our purple-glass fountain; despite our angst, there were parts of our life that remained whole and beautiful. 

Most importantly, we reached out to our children for their support and words of wisdom; nothing compares to a loving and empathic text that says: “Oh I know this isn’t easy; so sorry that you have to go through so much stress,” “We love and support you.” Or a call that offers practical ideas on resources that might help. It was also wonderful to know that our grandchildren were doing well and thriving; the news of normalcy is like being on a well-stabilized ship in a wave-worn ocean. Our approach was a holistic and healing-oriented one; it’s how we try to live our lives every day. Why would we change in a time of duress?

The greatest learning for me during those harrowing days was that we remained strong and resilient; at some point the data became secondary to the process of supporting each other. The paraphrased and exquisite words of Albert Camus, offer a deeper description of what the experience was like: “In the midst of winter, we found within ourselves, an invincible summer.” 

At the end of our saga, it seems that our souls have remained intact along with our love for each other; two forces that are apparently impenetrable to any hacker that ever lived!

© Copyright 2018 Myra Wexler Darwish

Posted April 9, 2018