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Kathleen A Keena

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The Perfect Pair
by Kathleen A Keena
Friday, January 16, 2026

Rated "PG" by the Author.

       
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           >> View all 7


     Monologue for one woman

 

     I'm an easy person to please. When I go to a restaurant and serve me my order, I do not send it back if it's dry or overcooked, has too much salt, or lukewarm. I accept it and eat it without a fuss. So shoe shopping, you would think, would be a snap. Epecially since I know EXACTLY what I'm looking for.

     Now I don't shop in a shoe department. I shop in a shoe STORE. Because it's their only business, they better be good at it, right?  So I go on a weekday morning, when the store isn't too busy. Now this is an upscale store, and no one could be more specific than me.  I am waiting in a chair when a good looking young man approaches me. I tell him I want a pair that is functional for every day wear, but is also appropriate for dressing up when I go out in the evening. I prefer velcro, no ties or laces. The shoe should be in a neutral color, comfortable and fashionable. He seems to understand what I am looking for. I narrow it down even further; no boots, no high tops, no slip ons.

     He returns with three boxes, he explains, are "sporty", "casual" and "dressy". He opens the first box. It's a pump with a bow. A pump is a slip on! Get a grip! He apologizes and opens the next box. Honestly, I couldn't believe my eyes! This one is a heel, with a strap, but it looks like a sneaker. Can you imagine? He's looking around the shop for someone to help him, until I bring his attention to the last box. He opens it. A pair of patent leather sandals with jewels. "Is this some kind of a cruel joke?" I ask him. 

    "Please, wait here, Madame, while I call the manager to assist you". That's the least he can do! He doesn't know his job. He leaves and a few minutes later I hear him from the stockroom explaining Cinderella is stting right there.  Imagine the nerve! 

     An older gentleman smiles and asks to sit next to me. He looks at me directly, with very kind eyes. Thank goodness! "The shoe you are searching for is extraordinarily rare. It is only requested by the most discriminating customers. There is only one place that designs and manufactures such shoes. However, it is forbidden to export to the U.S. by Federal Arms and Feet Trade Regulations".  He looks at me as if to say I know this is terrible news but what can I do? 

     Naturally, I had no idea.

     "Perhaps I can interest you in some inferior shoes that might be marginally acceptable to you?"

     "Possibly" I say.

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