***Excerpt from chapter three of Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
When my daughter was two years old she decided to test me by falling out on the floor in the check-out line of a grocery store, kicking and screaming, because I refused to buy her some candy. I snatched her up and spanked her to let her know she was not going to manipulate the situation. She learned the fear of God very early just as my mother had taught me. A lady behind me gave me the dirtiest look and said, “Don’t you think you’re being too hard on her?” I told her as politely as I could, “If I ignore her demanding, out of control behavior now, I’m setting myself up for trouble down the road and where will you be then? She said nothing. I grabbed my groceries, my child and left the store.
Now I’ve actually witnessed other younger mothers in the same situation. What did they do? They gave in to the child’s whims by buying what the child wanted to shut them up. It seemed to work but I dreaded the thought of what could happen when the child’s taste became more expensive. If the parent didn’t buy it, does the child resort to getting it by any means necessary and eventually end up with a criminal record?
I remember another instance about ten years ago where I witnessed a small child running around uncontrollably and cursing up a storm in a public place. Instead of exerting authority and chastising the child, the young mother just laughed as if she were watching a stand-up comedy routine. I saw that same child not long ago but didn’t dare say anything to her for fear of what might come out of her mouth!
Our children’s future begins with us. We are the first teachers in their lives and how we raise them will have a long-lasting effect. As parents, we must set the ground rules and the tone of behavior. We have to pave the way. There’s no need for a complete stranger called a super nanny to come into your home and discipline your children on national TV. I received more than my fair share of punishment from my parents, big mama, aunts and uncles and several of the neighbors; but I know my mama would have never let somebody she didn’t know step in and take charge.
The first time I watched the show I thought how embarrassing it must be for the parents of those little brats. But then I made a rather keen observation. The majority of the parents I saw were young. Now I’m not saying you have to be a certain age to raise children but the statistics show that kids born from younger mothers are more likely to exhibit behavioral problems early on and are
more likely to drop out of school and end up in jail.
Meanwhile, being an older mother does have its drawbacks. Because of the huge generation gap between my daughter and me, I’m not as tolerant or understanding in some situations. For example, I’m forced to have to screen her music to make sure she’s getting the PG-13 version versus the X rated stuff. I’m embarrassed to tell you how long it took me to discover 50 cents was not two quarters. I can’t, for the life of me, comprehend why Black Entertainment Television thinks it’s acceptable to show the type of videos they do all hours of the day and night. They give a whole new meaning to the adage, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
Something else that drives me up a wall is constantly correcting my “A” student in English on her grammar. There are times when I hear her talking on the phone that I make her hang up because she’s splitting verbs or using double negatives in her sentences. It’s irritating to listen to especially since I’m a fanatic about speaking properly. For goodness sake, I’m a journalist so shouldn’t that be something automatically passed on in the genes?! After I correct her for the umpteenth time, I tell her it’s OK to be bilingual but there’s a time and place to speak that so-called Ebonics and it’s definitely not around me.
Another thing that makes my skin crawl is the lack of telephone and personal manners some of her friends display and I don’t hesitate to let them know about it. I also insist on knowing the parents or guardians of her friends and if I don’t know them or approve of their lifestyle, they are not welcome in my home.
When it comes to boys, all I have to say about that is if they want my sixteen-year-old's attention, they must have mine first. I recall being that age and smitten with a boy I was sure would be my husband one day. All I have to say to that is thank God he isn’t! I expend a lot of unnecessary energy trying to explain to her that boys just have one thing on their minds at that age. I have to remind her that I was once her age and even thought the players have changed, the game is still the same.
One more thing, my home becomes hurricane central when she’s PMS and I’m having a hot flash. There’s definitely an emotional conflict underway! "You get on my nerves" is a song we both sing loud and clear and often during that time.
