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Advantages/Disadvantages Of Having A Sibling With Special Needs: Kids Speak by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Rated "G" by the Author.
More musings from kids who have brothers or sisters who happen to have varying disabilities, physical and/or mental.
I have brothers and sisters with disabilites ranging from Duchenne's muscular dystrophy, arthritis, asthma, varying degrees of cerebral palsy, vision and hearing disorders, dwarfism, congenital deformities of the limbs or face, scars from burns, spina bidida, Down's syndrome, and others; yet, even with all of their different abilities, they still enjoy life.
I have had to learn about different disabilities and health problems since joining my family seven years ago. I have had to learn about the 9-1-1 system: what to do in case of an unexpected medical emergency. I have had to learn to be patient with the kids who are slower than normal and why they behave in a peculiar manner.
I also have had to learn to look past my brother or sister's disability (-ies) and see them for the children that they really are.
There are plenty of advantages of having kids who are disabled in my family. For starters, all of us benefit. We learn about differences, tolerance, compassion, inclusion. We learn that even with disability, my brothers and sisters are still great kids and should have all the opportunity in the world to make it in life. For the most part, reaction to my brothers and sisters have been positive, and people are often amazed at the stamina my parents have in raising a family like mine.
Disadvantages include comments or countless stares from curious (or rude) people, being held up by a temper tantrum or a kid who is puttering along on their crutches, putting up with weird noises or behavior, and putting up with kids who are not potty-trained. All of this is easy to overlook when you consider the benefits that having kids with disabilities bring to our family. I wouldn't trade any of my disabled brothers or sisters for ANYTHING in the world, and I am a better person because OF them.
~Barbara Sandusky, aged 16, Nashville, Tennessee.
Like Barbara above, I too have brothers and sisters who happen to be disabled. I have a sister who has vision problems; another sister who was born without arms OR hands. I also have a brother who is autistic, and a brother and sister who have spina bifida, among other things.
For the most part, they are good kids with good hearts, and they really don't cause any problems. The only problems we do have is when my autistic brother has a temper tantrum out in public, or when my sister with spina bifida has an accident. I also have a problem when my youngest sister sticks her dirty feet in my face as a means of annoying me, or when my sister who is blind walks into a wall and breaks her glasses...AGAIN.
Other than that, I have no concerns. They are just kids, and at times they don't know any better--heck, at times, I don't know any better! LOL
~Paul Pearson, aged 17, Fort Worth, Texas.
I have one brother and fourteen sisters. I can probably write a book about all of the drama that some of them bring into my life. For example, my sister, Frannie, who is fourteen now, acts more like a kid of five, and it is embarrassing to see a teenaged girl lugging a beat-up old teddy bear EVERYWHERE with her.
Or my sister, Mariah, who has severe autism, will sit there and rock for hours on end, staring at God knows what, or she smears her poop all over the walls--and she has no clue as to why she is doing it. It's like she is in her own little world, and it is maddening, to say the least. It drives me crazy.
I also gat mad at Evan because he is a baby, and it seems that he is always hanging around me when I would much rather be alone.
As a sister to so many kids, there are plenty of opportunities for things to go wrong at the least unexpected times, or there are plenty of opportunities for embarrassing situations. I try to laugh it off at times, but on the inside, it's like I am DYING, and this is when I want to crawl into a hole!
I have some issues with my older sister, Yacinthe, who is mentally retarded and has mental behavior problems, has at times gone whacko on us. For this reason, she is sometimes sent to a mental hospital until the people there can get her medication straightened out.
I also have problems with my youngest sister, Gabri, who is like a baby because of her disorder. She has something called cri-du-chat, and she at four is more like an older baby than a preschool-aged kid.
At times, when Yacinthe wigs out in public, or when Gabri cries at inappropriate times, it can get pretty hairy, however, despite it, I still love all of my borthers and sisters with all of my heart. Mama and Papa were kind enough to give these kids a home, and if it were not FOR them, I wouldn't have the family I do today. I was adopted when I was six, and I really am glad that Mama and Papa gave kids like us a chance to grow and have a family that we could call our own!
~Tanzania Grace Goertje, aged 10, New York City, New York.
The biggest disadavantage I have regarding my own family is when my brother, Larzo, gets sick and has to go into the hospital (AGAIN!) or when my parents pay more attention to him. At times I get jealous of my brother because it's like my parents are paying more attention to him than the other kids, and at times, I wish that he'd just die. I know that this isn't very nice to say, but at times, it's the truth. I get so MAD sometimes; I can't help the way I feel.
I have needs and wants too; yet at times my parents don't even know I exist because they are busy with Larzo again. I feel invisible, and this is not a good feeling to have!
~Garay Rodriguez, aged 17, San Antonio, Texas.
I think I have the best family in the world. I have many brothers and sisters, but I love them all unconditionally. They may be disabled, but I have heard at times that we ALL have our disabilities; only some aren't just as noticeable.
I really don't have any problems with my brothers or sisters. Their disabilities make them unique, special even; and it is because of them that I have learned to be patient and have feelings for them.
I also learn about different disabilities and what to do if a problem comes up. I like helping my sister, Jodie, who has CP, with her feedings or changing her diapers. She is such a happy-natured kid, and it seems that she is always smiling about something. It doesn't really take much to make her happy, and I think her laughter is one of the sweetest sounds this side of Heaven!
The only problem I DO have is when Roberto, my older brother, has a temper tantrum in public or when he tries to tear off his clothes. It's soooo embarrassing. All we have to do is try to calm him down; getting that upset isn't good for his heart, and we have to do everything in our power to settle him down or else he could get sick. We don't want that to happen.
Another exceptional peek into what it is like to have brothers and sisters who are "different" and the challenges the (so-called) "normal" sibling faces. Well done!
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