Friday, October 19, 2007, Anchorage, Alaska~

Dear Journal~

Jenna Aurora here. Sorry for not writing, but I have been sick. Very sick.

Still not feeling my best, but am feeling better. I guess I started bleeding out; I had to have emergency surgery (a hysterectomy, they tell me), and I nearly died. Guess I will feel crappy, weak, for a while yet.

I have been in the hospital ten days now. Don't know when I'm getting out, but I am worried about my newborn baby son, Kenai Remington. He's ten days old now; still fighting to live. The other day we nearly lost him: his heart acted up, and he tried to quit breathing; it took all the wits of the doctors and nurses to save him.

Now he's hanging on, but only by a thread.

I have been beseeching God up in Heaven to spare our baby son; he is so tiny, so fragile; any little thing could happen to cause him to go downhill; he's not even two weeks old, but already has been through so much. It breaks my heart.

I haven't been able to see my son in the NICU, but I have pictures of him; he looks no bigger than a newborn frog, and he's hooked up to a whole forest of tubes, monitors, wires; he looks like some idea of a madman's scientific experiment; it's scary to see him looking like this!

I don't know when I've cried so much as I have since seeing the pictures of my son, hearing about his latest medical problems. Right now it's his temperature; they can't get it regulated. One minute it's low; the next, high. He also continues to have spells of apnea (stoppage of breathing), which keeps the medical staff on their toes.

Michael, the dear, has been keeping me abreast of what's going on with Kenai; I appreciate it, but at the same time, I don't want to know, for fear it will only be more bad news.

I am going to lay down now; getting tired; it doesn't take much to wear me out. I will write in here in a few days, when I am feeling a little stronger. Take care, and God bless! Just keep me in your prayers; I would greatly appreciate it!

~Love, Jenna Aurora. :( >tears!<