For twelve long years it's been like this: caring for a child who barely knows you even exist, a child who can't do anything but lie there, make noises, or poop herself.
I don't have a life; haven't had one since Meghan was born twelve years ago.
When I was pregnant with our first child, I imagined her to grow up, get married, have a family, even possibly run for president. When she was born, however, all those dreams were dashed, especially when the doctor told us there was a problem.
Our daughter was born brain damaged. She would never do anything, he said; he told us it would be better if we'd put her in an institution, where others could care for her.
However, I was stubborn. (Still am.) I figured it'd be better for her if she were cared for at home by her family, not a bunch of strangers.
I'm beginning to wonder if I've made some terrible mistake. All of a sudden, placing Meghan in an institution is starting to sound better and better.
Meghan, at twelve, is more like a big, grown-up baby. We have to feed, dress, diaper her. She is totally incapable of doing even the simplest tasks for herself. She requires twenty-four hour care, and it's driving our family apart.
My husband, Mark, no longer has sex with me, nor does he hardly talk; the other children, meanwhile, say that their older sister is nothing but a burden and they wish she'd never been born because she is wrecking their lives.
When we are out in public, we are subjected to finger-pointing and stares, or worse, rude or insensitive comments. It's horrible; I wouldn't wish it on anyone!
We didn't ask for our oldest child to be born handicapped; it just happened, and we've been dealing with it all our lives. It's only getting worse as she gets older, and I suddenly wish that she were dead, so she wouldn't have to suffer any longer.
What is a mother of a severely handicapped child to do?? If anyone can give me any answers, I'm open to all comers. I've had it with this life!! And I've had it with my daughter!!
~To be continued.~
