Young Ice Jasmine Esquival continues her story, with an update on what's been going on with her and her family.
Ice here. Ice Jasmine Esquival of Trenton, New Jersey. Thought I'd write in here; know it's been a while since I last wrote. Sorry about that; things 'round here have been crazy!! I hope you understand.
I am doing okay; just trying to keep my family from falling apart, especially at the expense of the special needs of my brother Bronson Miguel (eight; he has autism) and Fawn Jerrica (thirteen; she is severely disabled, with the mindset of a very young baby; she was abused by her previous parents and it left her brain damaged). Bronson has been on a tear recently; as for Fawnie, she has been in and out of the hospital for one thing or another.
Poor mami and papi are at their wit's end; they are ready to ship Bronson to Alaska, to live with the Eskimos, and they spend a lot of the time at the hospital whenever Fawnie gets sick, which seems to be often. Too often, I'm afraid. I hardly see them anymore, especially when Fawnie has one of her breathing spells or gets another round of pneumonia again.
Meanwhile, I stay at home, where I take care of Jesus Guillermo, 11, and six-year-old Nevaeh Grace. Poor Jesus is frustrated at the lack of attention his parents give to him (he's angry all the time; he's tried to run away from home several times before the police brought him back; he tried that again last week), and poor Neveah is angry because mommy and daddy don't love her anymore (so she claims). It's not easy trying to be a second mom; I'm a kid; I should be having fun, not taking care of younger brothers or sisters!
This is why you don't hear much from me. I am too busy babysitting or worrying whether Fawnie is going to make it through yet another medical crisis. Fawnie is so fragile; she reminds me of a crocus just bursting through the snow, not so sure whether to bloom or go back into the ground, to wait until the weather is just a little bit warmer.
I hate my life when it's like this. I miss hanging out with my friends, and I miss mami and papi doing family-things with us. If they aren't worrying about Bronnie or Fawnie or working to take care of us, then they are too busy fighting. That's another thing I have to put up with.
So, as you can see, my life sucks. I would give anything to trade places with some of my friends, where they don't have to worry about medical problems, hospitals, brothers flying off the handle again, or fighting between parents! I would love to have a sister who wasn't damaged at the expense of her bonehead birth parents who should have never harmed her the way they did! I would love to have a brother who would hold a decent conversation instead of talking like a dinosaur or throwing up everything he eats! It's terrible to have to put up with things like this day after day after day!!
Well, I have made myself cry again. G**damn it, I HATE it when I get all emotional like this! I sometimes think I'm the one who's going crazy instead of my stupid family!! I have to go; can't see; cryin' too damn hard! I will write in here when the time allows it. Until then, this is Ice saying goodbye!
Emotionally some human beings are capable than most, they keep falling but they keep raising, evidently more stronger after each fall. If we had politicians with the same dedication and stamina many of the "incurable" illness of today would have been history.
You seem to get into the hearts of the people in your stories Karen. I sure see how she could be upset. How do I see that? Because of your great writing! Thanks, Cindy
I'm glad Ice can let off a little steam and fire in her Journal here, Karen. There are no words which seem sufficient to express the sadness on reading of such an experience of one so young, yet impossibly ancient. What she has to deal with on a day-to-day basis would tax even the most mature and emotionally stable adults, let alone a young person who should be having only her own personal growth to deal with right now. Bless her - and the important role she plays in stabilising her own family around her. She is key and a lynchpin. EVERYONE depends on her and yet she is a sponge for all the emotions that are flying around between everyone else. I do hope she will find a strong shoulder and anchor in life. I love her honesty here. May this writing be a solace, comfort and a safety net for her. You are incredible at putting us centrally into others' traumatic lives. Thank you, as always, for opening our eyes and penetrating our hearts. xx
Jennifer finally ends up in Apalachia after barely escaping an attack. She soon learns about her destiny and how her actions will 'put a friend in grave danger'. With everyone refusing to tell her more Jennifer must find answers for herself.
My memory of Elias is intimate but brief; I asked him, "what happened, where are you taking me, who are you? Tell me!"
In a calm voice; "Sara hush, you died.
