Saturday, Feb. 6, 2010, Nashville, Tennessee, 6:07 p.m., C.S.T.~

Dear Journal~

Johnathon here.  Sorry if I haven't written:  my MD has really been playing havoc with my body.  If it isn't the ever present weak.ness, I also have terrible pains/cramps shooting through my legs, pains that wake me up at all hours of the night when I am trying to sleep.  I also have to contend with a tricky respirator:  every time I move, the durn thing emits its alarm, and then my family thinks I've had the Big One.

Of course, they get highly annoyed.  Well, the feeling's mutual. I swear my respirator is schitzophrenic!!  It's maddening!!!!

Add having my brothers or older sisters (or my mom) having to lift me from bed to toilet to tub, or whereever, them having to dress me like I'm a big, oversized baby, or having to lug all my medical stuff whenever we go somewhere.  It's a giant pain in the rear; while I AM glad I am still alive, I don't like the fact that I've become a huge burden to my family!!

The only saving grace is the fact that I'm still alive, 12 years later, and also that I have God in my life.  I guess He has plans for me; that's why I'm still tickin' (not kickin' so well these days!).  I am glad I am not checking out (don't plan on it anytime soon, if I can help it!!), but dang, I wish things would get a little easier on me!

I wish I could get through ONE journal entry without mentioning my health, but of course, I screw up royally again!  NOT easy NOT to mention it, not with the click*hiss of the vent breathing for me or the fact that I need help in doing a lot of things.  Not exactly Charles Atlas or Arnold Schwarzenegger here ...  I'm just flabby-muscled, skinny-as-a-bird Johnathon!!

I'm glad Rebekkah, my girlfriend, can see past all my medical problems, but then she can.  She has medical problems too, so we have one thing in common.  Okay, two.  We're both born-again Christians.  So that's a big plus in on our side.

I'm always going to this doctor and that doctor.  They say I'm doing okay, but I don't know.  If they don't do something about my ongoing pain, I'm going to go mad!!!!  I wouldn't wish this on anybody!!  It feels like someone's taking my legs and bending them over my neck!  The pain is incredible!!!!

And then you can imagine what that feels like whenever I go to therapy.  *OUCH!*  NOT fun!  I know I should be used to it after all these years, but every time I go to therapy, I come home in tears!!

I try to be brave, but then my true chicken-hearted self comes emerging out, and then I feel like the world's worst baby who can't do anything for himself!  :(

The only thing I really have to look forward to (besides our Easter Cantata and our city's Mardi Gras Celebration; that's on Tuesday) is the St. Patrick's Day parade/celebrtion our city holds every St. Patrick's Day.  I also have the Crawfish Festival in May and the LeCajun thing in August; hopefully, God will allow me to still be here for all those events.  I mean, I'd hate to miss out!!

But then again, the thought of seeing Jesus and getting healed of my MD does sound rather tempting ...  *grins*

If that's the worst thing that can happen to me, then I guess I'm doing pretty good.  *more grins*

Well, we're going to the local Municipal Auditorium:  BeauSoleil is playing in concert, and we don't want to miss it.  I am looking forward to hearing some good Cajun music again!  I will write in here again soon; until then, this is Johnathon saying over and out!  Talk to you soon; take care and God bless!  Bye for now, and GEAUX, Saints!!!!  AAIEEE!!

~Love, your friend, Johnathon.  :D