The woman in this story still faces reoccuring nightmares about being raped, even though it's been nearly seven months since The Incident.
Image of approaching storm clouds (C) 2010, by Karla Dorman (3/24/'10).
Seven months now, and I'm not doing any better since The Incident: still plagued with ongoing nightmares/flashbacks, still having to talk to the police or going to court when asked, can't face anybody (including my own family) without feeling tainted ...
I know when people look at me they know I've been raped. It's like I have the word "RAPED" stamped across my forehead in big, ugly black (or red) letters. What's worse is they act like what happened to me is my fault somehow when all I was doing was walking home from work! I didn't ask for The Man to appear out of nowhere and start fondling me; it just ... happened! Nothing more can be said about that!!
Lately, I have been entertaining thoughts of suicide. I know suicide isn't the answer, but once you do it, you can't come back to life. I know this. Yet as miserable and depressed as I have been, it seems to be the only viable solution; I can't go on living like this!! I feel like I'm living a double life: in the daytime, I'm fine (most of the time); at night, I'm an emotional basketcase.
I can't stand sleeping without a nightlight, and I can't stand sleeping by myself, so what do I do but go to my girlfriend's or my parent's house to sleep? I know they're worried about me, but they don't understand what I want through seven months back ... they just. Don't. Fucking. UNDERSTAND!!!!
How often do I have to keep telling people that I didn't "deserve" to be raped?? I lost my life the way I knew it when that bastard of a man forced himself on me, just because he had to get his (sick) sexual fantasies fulfilled; meanwhile, I'm the one who is suffering the most damage as a result of this!! I've been violated in the worst way, and right now, I wouldn't even care if I lived or fucking died!!
Acts of violence can remain within the mind of the victim not for months but for whatever years remain and, though, not always easily visible, nonetheless, once done, the violence can remain upon the mind of the victim for ever. Very well written, Karen.
Your friend from Southern California, Mark
Rape is a horrible thing to happen to anyone. It is demoralizing and so very often the victum relives the rape for a very long time. I feel that counseloring will help and a support group were you have a friend that you can call. very good work here.
As Rose says it is a shame but also true about the sickos out there. I hope you mention in your next entry that she finds a self support group for victims of violent crime and in particular rape. As this story suggests no one can understand fully unless they have experienced it.
fee
A sad shame what another can put an innocent person through, something that they have to live with the rest of their lives. so many sick ????????? in this world of ours.
PI novel set in Manhattan during the 1980s when art galleries and model agencies were the two most glamorous businesses in the world. Dangerously well written.
Read Chapter 1 here: https://www.lit4u.com/art-and-beauty-chapter-1/
Literary Titan
In June, 2000, two college students — Amy Shute and Jason Burgeson — were approached by a group of men. Forced into the backseat and driven to a remote location, they were murdered in cold blood.
Following this brutal double homicide, Johnston, RI D
