If I had known that it would be this hard, I would have never allowed my dog to be put down; but I couldn't stand to see her suffering any longer, so I made the painful decision to end her life.

My 15-year-old Pomeranian, Suki, had cancer throughout her body, was blind and nearly deaf, and had arthritis, among other things.  It hurt me terribly to see her in pain.

I had gotten Suki when she was a tiny puppy, less than eight weeks old.  She had been an anniversary gift from my husband.  Suki and I faced a lot together: the births of our five children (plus the adoption of another), death (husband); he died five years ago from a brain aneurysm; it was totally unexpected; I still miss Al terribly), several moves, and so much more.

Then Suki's health started going and for a while she rallied back from each illness with a courageous spirit; but then came the latest cancer diagnosis from Doc Marten, our veterinarian, and he said that there wasn't anything he could do; the best thing I could do was to have her euthanized, so she wouldn't suffer any longer.

After many tears and discussions with Doc Marten (and amongst family and friends), I made the choice to have my baby girl put to sleep.  It was a pretty sunny day when I took Suki for her very last ride.  I went into Doc Marten's office with Suki nd came back later, empty-handed.  My precious puppy was gone forever.

I have shed many tears since then.  I still feel Suki's presence and see reminders of her everywhere I turn.  I miss Suki now more than ever; I don't know if I will ever get over this, but deep down inside, I know I have given her the best possible gift: freedom from pain and suffering.