Interviewer:

I am talking with the one and only Santa Claus.  He has admitted that he isn't the man whom people think.  He has admitted that he is a fraud, a fake .... it's no wonder children stop believing in him when they grow older ...

Santa Claus:

Ma'am, I have told you once and I will say this once again ... I am not a fraud or a fake.  I'm as real as the nose on your face!  Why are you doing this to me?? Are you trying to tarnish my image??

Interviewer:

I'm just trying to get the facts, sir.  I want to know if you truly are who you say you are, that's all.  

Santa Claus: 

Well, if you're trying to expose any unhidden "truths" about me, you can put those to rest.  I am real, and you had better get that through your pretty little head!  I do not have any "skeletons" hiding in my closet; if you can, please look around; you'll find nothing that I need to hide.  

Interviewer:

I seem to be having difficulty in convincing this man that I am doing my job.  Why is he making things difficult for me??

Santa Claus:

Ma'am, if anybody is being 'difficult', it is YOU.  You're the one who comes barging in my workshop, trying to expose what I stand for and what I do.  If you don't stop soon, I will have you arrested and you will not be getting anything from me for Christmas, and neither will your kids.  Now, do you want your children to come crying to you, saying, 'Mommy, mommy, we didn't get anything from Santa for Christmas!'??  Do you want to live with the memory of their tearstained faces or the guilt in your heart for the rest of their lives??

Interviewer:

N-No ....

Santa Claus:

Okay then.  Then if that is how it is, please consider this interview done.  I will not have you patronizing me or trying to make me look like the bad guy.  Now get out of my workshop and take your nosy crew right along with you.  I will not have it!  Ho, ho, ho!  Good day, ma'am!

*Interview ends*