How I wish that things were different!

Instead of spending Christmas at home with the family, visiting co-workers or friends, and shopping, I am here at my wife's bedside at Parkview Regional Medical Center, with no way of knowing whether Madeleine will ever wake up again, let alone, get better.

My wife has been in a coma for two weeks now; she remains about the same: no response except to the deepest of stimuli, machines and tubes keeping her alive.  She became sick with what we thought was the flu; then her  condition deterioated, and she has been in this current state.  She was diagnosed with a life threatening bacterial infection that has already cost her one of her legs.  It is an infection I had never even heard of; she has what is known as the "flesh-eating disase", necrotizing fasciitis (but the medical staff call it NF for short).

She is gravely ill.

I am trying like hell to be positive and trusting in God in all this, but it's hard, so damned hard!  I look at Madeleine, and I wonder what our future is going to be like.  Will she ever wake up again, and if she does, will she be as she was before (not hardly; she already lost a leg)?  Will she have brain damage and end up permanently disabled?  Will she have to have skilled nursing care in a rehab facility or a nursing home for the rest of her life if she IS permanently damaged in some way?  What will happen to me or the children if this is the case?  Who will be able to foot the medical bills that are sure to be pouring in?

The only times I ever leave the hospital is to do laundry or check the mail (every few days), or to check on the kids.  Thank God, my mom is there, so I know that Gavin, Tessa, and Owen are in capable hands, but I know they miss their mother terribly.  They are worried that there won't be a Christmas for them.  It breaks my heart, but it is a situation in which I have no control.

We haven't even decorated our house.  Our neighbors ask if we are; I tell them not until I know the status regarding Madeleine's health.    I tell them we aren't even celebrating right now; we can't.  My wife's health is much more important than Christmas currently.

Every day, people call to check up on Madeleine.  I have to leave the ICU room in order to keep family or friends upated with the latest news because it could interfere with the medical equipment (or so doctors and nurses have told me, time and time again).  About the only time I get a break is when I take walks around the floor or go somewhere close to the hospital to get a bite to eat (I refuse to eat at the cafeteria; I despise hospital food).

I am reaching the breaking point.  If things don't change soon I just might lose it or collapse from exhaustion (whichever comes first).

Please keep Madeleine (and my family) in your thoughts and prayers.  We could really use a Christmas miracle about now!  Thanks in advance!

~To be continued!~