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Alan D Busch

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     One of a series of chapters that was not published in my book Snapshots In Memory of Ben.

When a person feels during his dream that he must explore the meaning of what has happened to him in the dream, this is a clear sign that the dream cannot be dismissed as being of no consequence but that it presages something that will occur in the future.

(Ohr HaChaim)


It happened again for the second time. You know how it is!


No matter how bizarre it seems upon later reflection, it takes place within its own present tense characterized by a twisted and skewed normalcy.


People whom we know appear out of context. An architect friend becomes a policeman warning me about a sticker on my windshield.


Then there are the unrecognizable faces. Ever wonder how complete strangers just show up?


Last night, I dreamt of Ben. It seems to have lasted for but a moment. There Ben was, he and I, just the two of us. We were talking about ... ? Well, I remember only one thing! I asked him if he’d take a “leap” with me?! What sort of “leap” I meant, I don't know, but I must have looked away momentarily because when I turned around to face him again, he had  become a flattened image, like a framed picture lying on the ground!



I awoke resolved to explore its meaning. Though I delayed it one day, I felt confident I’d not forget this dream.


Like the silhouette medallion of Ben Zac wears around his neck, Ben rarely absents himself from my thoughts. Even when busy, he remains close at hand, in the corner of my mind almost as if he were watching me, awaiting the right moment to reappear. He arrives but stays only long enough to moisten my eyes.


I suppose he has others to visit. I am not the only one. It would be out of character for Ben, a ba'al chesed[1] not to comfort his many loved ones. I know Ben is never alone nor leaving others lonely for him.


Perhaps this is all a dreadful metaphor of our last moments together that Wednesday morning. Having driven him to the train station,  I must have looked away momentarily because when I saw him later that day, he appeared as he had just before I awoke last night.








[1] master of kindness

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