It was just a dream... wasn't it?

I remember watching with wild eyes as the principal approached me. I didn't do it. I wasn't a part of whatever it was he discovered. What was worse, I didn't know about any pranks the class had pulled lately. Had they left me out this time?

My fingers gripped the pencil in my hand and I quickly wrote my name on the test paper reluctant to move my eyes upward. He was standing right in front of me.

"I need to speak to you," he tapped on my desk, his stubby finger thumping three times to get my attention.

Graduation is a week away! I can't get suspended now! My mind raced through the possible reasons he might have for summoning me to the office. Nothing! I hadn't done anything to require a visit to the office. Unless... somebody had blamed me for something.

I followed him down the long hallway to his office. "Sit down," he pointed to a chair in front of his large mahogany desk and closed the door behind me.

"Sir, I didn't... " I shook my head as I sat.

"No, you didn't. I called you out of class to tell you that Mr. Durvin was caught cheating on an exam, with his cell phone. He was suspended this morning," the thick, dark brows drew together in expectation of a reply. His chin rested on his folded hands and his lips puckered in anticipation of my reaction.

"I didn't cheat," I defended myself.

"No, I know that. With Mr. Durvin's recent shenanaigans, he can no longer be Valedictorian," he paused, "which means you are the next in line."

"Me?" Surprise was an understatement.

"Yes, you. I suggest you get busy on preparing your Valedictory speech. And, Ms. Eual, there is a one thousand dollar school scholarship given for the honor. Do you intend to go to college? I hate to award it to someone who isn't going to use it."

"College?" I hadn't thought of that. I had a job. I had been supporting my family since my dad left. How could I think about college? Did I have time for college? I'd worked my way up to assistant manager at the D.Q. Those 40 hours a week had been difficult enough to maintain during my senior year. "Uhm, yes, sure."

A speech? In a week? Two weeks ago, I had been third in the class. I was content to be third. My hard work hadn't gone unnoticed, but at the same time, I didn't have to accept an award or give a speech. Suddenly, I was top of the class. Suddenly, I had to stand up in front of thousands and speak! The rest of the school day was a thick fog of fear.

College?  I thought about the word, what it meant, what I had agreed to. What would Mom say? She hadn't gone to college. Would she be happy? How could she be happy after Dad walked out on us? I wanted to tell her, but I didn't want her to be torn between happiness for me and sadness for herself. I didn't want her to think she had to be happy right now.

Walking the few blocks home with my younger siblings--I was conserving my gas for work--I discussed it with my sister. By the time I twisted the doorknob, I had decided to downplay the whole idea, pretend it wasn't a big deal. That way, Mom wouldn't have to get excited.

She did anyway. Her pride lit the room, though it was a mask over the depression within. She began to call family members and spread the good news. Of course, I didn't tell her about the scholarship. "Oh yes, she's Valedictorian! Isn't that great? She's going to be giving a speech and everything!" Her voice faded as I slipped into my bedroom.

I did the math.

Valedictorian+College=$$

How much did it cost to go to college? Had anyone else in our family gone to college? Until today, I hadn't even spoken the word. Where would I begin to check it out?

Did it even matter? I would have to take a second job just to pay for it; I was sure.

Nobody in my poverty stricken family could help...

That night, I dreamed about a herd of goats in a pasture and they were all eaten by a beautiful, Bengal tiger. I was surprised because tigers were not native to my country--unless they were in a zoo--and the only goats I had seen, other than my grandfather's, were the two baby goats the neighbors kept as pets in their house.

I just wanted to crawl under my bed and scream!

The tiger was eating my goats! 

There would be no goats for college.

There was no help for me.