Hi,

This is Audrey Jackson writing again.

I am back in my own house. It was finally cleared as a crime scene. Jack is still in jail on the attempted murder charge. That won't last though, as I am sure his attorney will get him out on bail when the first hearing is held. The state has asked me to testify, but I am not sure if I will at this point. I don't think I will make a very good wittness, I still don't remember much of the attack. The state attorney also told me the girls are being called to testify and I don't think I would bear being in the same room with them knowing they will be gone from my sight again. It would break my heart.

I guess we are going to just have to agree to disagree on the point of my deserving to be chewed out. I think I did. I was acting like a spoiled rotten brat. I don't know where I would have learned this behavior. My parents never spoiled me. They strongly favored my brother and tried to act as though I did not even exist. To this day, my brother does not even acknowlede me as a sibling. He tells everyone he is an only child. Jack never spoiled me either. He always treated me like a slave.

I know sucide is not the answer to my problems. I just don't know what is. My whole life was wrapped around caring for my girls.I think of them often. I hope and pray they are happy and doing well in their new home.I hope that couple loves and adores them. Did Susie ever answer Ronee's letter? I know she took it with her so she could answer it once they were settled.

To tell the truth, Louie, I have started to doubt Deb. She seemed over eager to place them in a home. She did not even charge me for her services. It has crossed my mind that she even sold them to some poor couple, cheated me out of my girls and them out of way too much money. I hope this was not the case but she did not even ask me to think about it when I brought up giving them up. It made me think that all she cared about was getting paid. It was a serious decision, and I have kicked myself endlessly for rushing into it. I just wish I knew who had my girls and could find out if they were doing okay. I only want them to be happy. If they are happy then I have nothing to worry about. I don't matter to me anymore. Not in the least.

I'm always looking over my shoulder for Jack to come and finish the job. I would not even put it past him to hire a hitman to gun me down. He would do it in a heartbeat if he could. I know this is no way to live, but it is my life now. I have no options. I ruined every chance of ever getting out of this state. Louisa and Kendra are probably mad at me and will never forgive me. I have not heard from either one of them since Deb took Maria and Lacey from Louisa. I don't blame them. As I did with you, I screwed up royaly.

Well, I am going to close now. I have spent enough of your time. I know you have alot better things to do.

Audrey Jackson