The family decided to move to New York.  Daddy stayed home for a while to clean, sell the farm animals and secure the property.  Mama and Mabel, the oldest sibling, worked and took care of three younger children.  Of course at eighteen years of age, I worked but never asked for money.  I saved a little of my income, hung out and shopped with  my younger sister.

One day mama came home with elegant clothes for me.  She said the lady she worked for had  made an appointment for me with Barbizon Modeling Agency in New York City.  I was kind of excited.  On the day of the appointment after I was dressed, I became more excited.  As a matter of fact, I looked pretty good, if I must say so.

On the morning of the appointment mama and I were riding the 'D' train from the Bronx to New York City.  People on the train smiled at me, some told me I was lovely.  Indeed, this was a boost to my ego.  I began to feel very pretty  when Mama and I arrived at our destination.
 
We took a seat in a well designed waiting room where there were pictures of pretty girls on the walls.   A pretty white lady came out to the waiting room where there were other pretty girls like me and she called one to come with her. They shut the door.  My heart fell.  I was like a black dot sitting in a room full of white girls. 

Mama had taught me how to walk, talk, and all the charm, and etiquette I needed to look respectible on the outside as I was on the inside.  I had lived down south under Jim Crow Law all my life so I did not know what to 
expect.

Another lady came out, she walked directly over to mama and told her,  "I've been
expecting you, your boss told me to advise
you of your next appointment.  Take your beautiful daughter to Grace del Marco for
Ebony Magazine.  They will see you at one o'clock".

We left and had lunch.  Mama touched up my face and we went to Grace del Marco.  When I arrived, I was scared as a country rabbit.  All of the girls were light compared to my bronze complexion and they all had tiny feet compared to my size 12; thin and pointed noses compared to my oval face and pug nose.  I began to cry and begged mama to take me home. "Oh, mama, please take me out of here".  I whimpered so much mama took me out with the saddest look on her face.  I know her heart was hurting, but I did'nt understand why she was upset.

Two weeks later she received a call telling her that the Agency had filled the job they had for her daughter.  I would have been modeling large sized women's shoes in Lane Bryant catalog.

My feet were the perfect size.  I missed my chance by looking at the wrong beauty.  I missed a few more of God's blessings by
looking at the outside.  Thank God I have learned of His gifts for my life and how to
use them. 

Sometimes I appear a bit pushy to those who have not experienced my painful life.  I've learned to ask God for jobs within the limits
of my capacity.  Especially since He has brought me back from death or near death several times.  To the world this change appears to be  some type of personality disorder.  But I'm still here.

I will give God my best each day of my life.  And I will always dress to impress His people.  I want to be approachable to draw God's people near and testify to them to know who God really is, and what He can mean in their life.  I know He gave me favor, and grace to express love, and mercy to forgive, and the faith to stand on His Big Feet. 

Louisa A Dobbins
(c)April 2010