Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of ipods and Playstations danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

(This was in separate room’s however, due to all of the recent fighting about money).

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

It was just the neighbor, who came home screaming about the mall traffic.

Anyway, in those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world.

Not everybody liked that idea, so they
tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Joseph, who went up from Nazareth, to Bethlehem. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.

I guess they “had” to get married.

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Kwanza and Vixen!
On, Three Wise Men! On, Cupid! on, on Oprah and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
There were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.

I guess they had to stay there because sheep don’t fly as well as reindeer.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of baby Jesus, because while they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

So, down the chimney, baby Jesus came with a bound.

The weight of the world he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

Then, an angel of the Lord appeared to them.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! He was chubby and plump, a right jolly little elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
The glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

So, the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes all tarnished with ashes and soot.

That’s probably why they had to get those swaddling clothes.

He spoke no more words, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, but then the shepherds came, so he ate the cookies and up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a clown with a whistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
" Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace and good will to all of the people like us! And Happy New Year"

And remember the true secret of Christmas is this:

No returns without a receipt.

Amen.