I have to go with C. Lee McKenzie on this one when I say this, you got a strong write here. You should make this one at least about three pages longer. Expand the paragraphs, it is very descriptive but you need to make them a little longer. It is a very human story, and that is the kind I seem to relate to in the sense of the way it is written. Very relatable characters with this one.
Well, I like it. It's a piece of the bigger story--a slice out of a day on duty. Have you considered putting it into a larger context? Say a novella with a diary entry format. It is most assuredly true that when you write about what you know or love, the writing is strong.
In the gripping finale of the BetterWorld cyberpunk series, Waylee, Kiyoko, and their friends attempt to bring down an all-powerful corporation and a corrupt government--all while eluding the biggest manhunt in history.
