Some families, like the Rockefellers, pass on money. Others, like the Fondas, hand down acting chops and fame. There are generations of Bush and Kennedy politicians. Many children have followed in their parent’s footsteps to become teachers, police, military, plumbers or some other trade. You can probably think of a skill you inherited from your ancestors. Well, so can I. I can get lost anywhere.
My parents gave me lots of lessons in how to get lost. Trips to and from childhood vacation spots consisted of my father driving aimlessly while my mother forcefully urged him to stop for directions. Mom was no better. She picked me up at school once. What should have been a 2 ½ hour ride turned into a 5-hour journey with a stop at a diner that had restrooms out back. We didn’t venture out to see if they had electricity and plumbing.
When I first learned to drive, I loved to get behind the wheel and explore the countryside. Unfortunately, it was easy for me to get lost on the windy back roads. I spent many hours wondering if I would run out of gas before I found my way out. Getting lost stayed with me through most of my adult life and I always left plenty of time for my detours. You can’t imagine my joy when the first gps system came out. Normally, I would wait for new technology to drop in price before purchasing it. But not with GPS systems. I gladly forked over big bucks for the navigation.
My driving problem may have been solved, but I didn’t have to be in a car to get lost. I once had a consulting assignment at Merril Lynch in NYC. On my way to an associate's office, I somehow ended up in a heavily monitored secure area that a very privileged few had to pass through checkpoints to enter. A voice from above asked what I was doing and how I got there. When I said I didn’t know, I was told not to move until someone came to get me. I spent a few hours with the security guard being interrogated and trying to retrace my steps so they could block off the access. It was futile. I am simply unable to remember directions.
Of course, I developed coping skills. Once I found a path to an office restroom, I went that way every time. Coworkers would occasionally ask why I was taking such an indirect route, but mainly they knew and chuckled. Their amusement didn’t bother me. All I cared about was going places in a timely manner.
At another site, employees laughed when they watched me walk around the parking lot looking for my car. Shopping at a mall presented a similar challenge. On more than one occasion, mall security has driven me around looking for my car. Of course, I try to consistently park in the same area, but that is not always possible. In the eighties I decided to attach a colorful pennant to my atenna, only to discover it was retractable. Today I am grateful for the panic button on my key fob.
Between retirement, the availability of GPS and my key fob, I have felt very secure the last few decades expertly driving straight to my destination, taking care of business, quickly returning to my car and driving home. The problems of the past faded from memory.
Then it recurred. My cell phone lost its charge while I was visiting a friend in a hospital about 40 minutes away. Disoriented in the dark in an unfamiliar area, I turned left when I should have turned right. That was all it took. Once again, I was desperately looking for an open business to ask directions, nervously eyeing my gas gauge, and fearing I would never find my way out. Once again, I had to rely on the kindness of strangers to lead me to a highway entrance not just once, but twice. And worst of all, once again I realized my mom was worrying about me and I had no way to reassure her.
When I finally arrived home four hours late, my neighbors were gathered around the kitchen table praying with mom. My siblings had been notified, hospitals and police stations called. I felt lower than low when mom saw me, burst into tears of relief and jumped up to hug me close.
Of course, being an Italian mom, she quickly released me to warm up dinner. The neighbors texted my siblings and called the police to report me safe and sound. As for me, I went straight to my computer, pulled up amazon, and ordered a car charger for my phone. Only then did I relax and once again feel safe.
Farctured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces, Part II satirizes popular children's stories into adult-oriented renditions. FFFF &FF, Part II is also available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble e-book formats.
